Murder the shit out of

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“The natural ambiguity in the intended meaning of murder the shit out of contributes to its piquancy.”
“I...I...what sort of bloody (expletive) wrote this (expletive)? Sharonnn!”

Murder the shit out of is a fictional idiom (a figure of speech for idiots).

This idiom doesn't exist at all. No one uses it. No one HAS used it, or WILL EVER use it. No one will CONSIDER using it, no matter how many times they are cajoled, caressed, fondled, importuned, bribed, threatened, beaten, shot, stabbed, hanged, drowned, castrated, defenestrated, or poisoned[2]. In fact, Uncyclopedia itself periodically tries to burn the evidence that this phrase exists in any form whatsoever, and then SCATTER THE FUCKING ASHES! [3]

edit Usage

If Murder the shit out of actually existed, it would be used to convey:

1.the same concept as murder, only harsher
Example: Holey shit! That chainsaw-wielding two-headed cyclops clown just murdered the shit out of that transvestite midget hooker! Now I'm horny! (Pass the popcorn!) Can I touch your boobs? No? OK. Couldn't hurt to ask.
2.an awe-inspiring exploit
Example: I just murdered the shit out of this article. I rule! FUCK YEAH!
3.driving [as an object] into the ground
Example: This blithering idiot has murdered the shit out of the concept of murdering the shit out of

(Actually, we're confused. Which context is which?)

Experts[who?] contend that murder the shit out of is best when combined with copious expletives. However, they advise against the replacement of its component expletive - shit - with other words - such as hell - as, if you do, a badger will eat your face.

Weak: I murdered the hell out of a six-pack, just to watch it die. Ahh! Badgers! My face!!
Stronger: I murdered the shit out of a fucking six-pack, just to watch it die. Yeah, beeyatch!
Strongest: I just murdered the shit out of a hobo. Help me hide the corpse!

Experts[who?!?] also recommend against overuse, as the freshness of murder the shit out of may subside quickly, leading to an arms race between those who wish to use progressively more powerful components.

Example: I want to murder the shit out of these experts you keep quoting. I mean, murder the FUCKING shit out of them! (Wait, I think I like that better. Time to make a new page for 'murder the fucking shit out of'!)

edit Historical significance (which proves that this page is useful!)

“I often murder the shit out of prose.”

People through history have had the shit murdered out of them. Some examples:

  • Japanese
  • Armenians
  • Jews
  • Russian royal families
  • You. Especially if you vote to delete this page.[4]
Explosion mushroom shaped

This is how you murder the shit out of someone

Historians are currently banging heads over where to draw the line between the murdered...and those who have gotten the shit murdered out of them. On the other hand, the English Society of Coroners and Necrophiliacs[5] have got this shit DOWN:

Murder is generally accomplished with garden-variety weapons and implements; meanwhile, murdering the shit out of someone should entail the use of at least two flame-throwing bazookas (which have been modified to fire giant War-beast cocks) -- and then dropping a FUCKING BULLDOZER on them.[6]

(Or using nukes. Nukes will work, too. See illustration.)[7]

edit Forms

  • Past tense: murdered the shit out of
  • Future perfect tense, third person: will have had the shit murdered out of
  • Present/future perfect participial combined intransitive masculine tense, sixth-person (as detailed in Time Paradoxes for Dummies[8]): will had murderingizeded the shit out of

edit Etymology

Experts[9] believe that the phrase originated in the brain of a mildly psychotic one-armed Uncyclopedia contributor. Experts also believe that the aforementioned user will go "totally Columbine!"[10] on all known Uncyclopedia moderators, if this article is deleted.

The phrases "beat the shit out of", "knock the shit out of", "slap the shit out of", and the well known "sex the shit out of", are believed to be direct ancestors of "murder the shit out of". One lonely etymologist pointed out in his suicide note[11] that "murder the shit out of" is merely derived from the template "[blank] the shit out of", and as such, is not worthy of a separate classification. This etymologist "totally had it coming."[12]

edit See also

edit Sources

  1. Quoted in 1913, shortly before disappearing into thin air
  2. See: Rasputin.. He totally WOULD NOT use this phrase. And I asked nicely. The fucker!
  3. You are all dead men. I shall murder the shit out of you! VICTORY SHALL BE MINE!
  4. Yeah, I'm lookin' at YOU, spazz.
  5. Get a handle on your pervert coroners, ENGLAND! America invades over necrophilia now, you motherfuckers! -- hah! hahaha! A double-edged necrophilia joke! I murdered the shit out of that one!
  6. From the minutes of the 337th Annual Convention of English Coron...fuck it, we're not typing this again.
  7. Ibid: "...but Nukes will work, too..."
  8. Time Paradoxes for Dummies, Twelveteen/Twentieth Edition, (c)1992, 2025, 1841, 1656, and 3011
  9. Me, bitch. That's who. Also, I killed murdered the shit out of the last guy who said "who?". What are you, a fucking owl?
  10. TOTALLY! AHHHH! MOTHERFUCKERS!
  11. John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt, an etymologist, was found to have committed suicide by shooting himself three times in the back. A coroner's report ruled cause of death to be related to Jingleheimerschmidt's despair at being repeatedly mistaken for an entomologist. I like saying Jingleheimerschmidt. Jingleheimerschmidt.
  12. He totally had it coming.
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