Drug mule

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Redirected from Mule)

This animal is clearly on the Limited Slip Differential

A Drug Mule, or Crack Donkey is a horse, donkey or other equestrian creature who is usually on an acid trip. As equine species generally have larger bodily masses than us humans, it takes a crap load more microdots to get 'em properly drugged up. Generally, a dose of about 1.8-1.95kg of 'proper job' LSD is enough to give your animal a decent trippin' sensation. This can be expensive, so the hobby of owning a drug mule is only for the very rich. Bill Gates was the person who made it a popular and well known pastime, but as the prices of these pills decrease, then you may be able to start too! Although pills work the best on equine creatures, there are other methods too. Try experimenting with gelatin, Blotting paper, Sugar Paper, or even (ever popular with the horses) Sugar Cubes! In recent times, Drug Mule sports competitions are becoming ever more popular. The most popular two are 'Drug Mule Racing' and 'Crack Donkey Dressage'. See the Sport section for more info.

edit Origin

This startling evidence shows that William the Conqueror may have been the inventor of the Drug Mule

One of the most debated questions on the subject of Drug Muling, is "Who started it all off?". Many people think of Bill Gates, primarily because it was he who popularized it and made it the well-known hobby that it is today. However, his Blatant plagiarizing of Apple's interfaces have made it clear that he has neither the intuition or the originality to dream up something so clever for himself. Intensive research has uncovered some startling evidence (right) leading to the theory that the pastime was invented by King John VIII, divine emperor of the Ancient Atlanteans, in 24 A.D.

edit Drug Mule Club

The Drug Mule Club, founded in 1978 by Bill Gates, is a club exclusively for owners of a drug mule. The club often holds drug mule rallies, races and dressage competitions, as well as quiz nights and Pub quizzes. Each member of the club can have up to five registered drug mules (6 if at least two are purebred donkeys), and these registered animals get Free LSD, as well as a life pass to equestrian druggies anonymous meetings. Although these meetings are extremely popular among retired drug mules, they are a bit of a misnomer as all meetings begin with each owner trading names and telephone numbers of local dealers, and so the meetings are decidedly unanonymous.

edit Recommended Species

The following is a list of recommended types of species for druggin' up:

Donkey (ass) (Equus africanus asinus)
Horse (Equus ferus caballus)
Vin Diesel (arse) (Equus americanus twattus)
Zebra (It's the stripey bastard, great for awesome swirly patterns) (Equus quagga)
Gordon Brown (turd) (Equud britannicus turdalicious)

edit Sport

Drug Mule Sports are very popular in the underground world of Drug Muling. These are the two most popular of the lot:

This Is the sort of quantity of microdot pills that you will need for your donkey. Add approx. 1.8kg into it's daily feed mixture.

edit Racing

Similar to standard horse racing, but with Crack Donkeys instead. It can make for some very interesting results. It is not unknown for horses to give up halfway through the race, and just stand there "watching the pretty colours".

edit Dressage

Dressage is, I think, when you make a horse wear a dress. Clearly any self-respecting mule would not accept this, so the most common set of rules for this sport are as follows: