God Thinks this article Epitomizes all the Sins of mankind. It explicitly describes things that He has deemed icky. For the time being, He has decided to leave it be...
...you shall all burn in Hell, however.
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A mudripper is bout a strange creature born in the small community of Taylor. All mudrippers just bout own a minimum of 5 trillion vehicles 500 of which are just bout fourwheelers. The offical deffinition of a Mudripper is, ONE WHO RIPS MUD. The actual act of rippng mud is just bout done by ripping the mud with a large vehicle (or hands if no vehicle is present, but there always is because mudrippers are FREAKING OBSESSED with cars and such). Mudrippers are notorious for their know-how on cars and just bout anything that moves on wheels.
While a lot of the origin of the mudripper is unknown, it is speculated the first one was born in Wisconsin, when two large women went mud-wrestling, and got pregnant from the semen that was "disposed of" in the mud.
Life cycle of a Mudripper
Life for a young mudripper just bout begins when a large male mates with an even larger woman (if no woman can be found a male can just bout be used as a replacement), both of whom are either just bout drunk or high at conception. A mudripper baby however is not born, it just bout falls out of its birther (can be either the man or woman). A mudripper child grows up in the worst of conditions constantly being beat by is "caregivers" and raised on being fed beer and tater tots. When a mudripper just bout becomes a teenager, is just bout the time it learns just what in the hell it is. He bout meets other mudrippers and continually makes a high pitched BRAAAAAPP BRAPPPPP BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPP sound, fails classes due to its stupidity, and goes fourwheeling on every day that ends with "y". Mudripper adults do not exist because they all usually die in a crash or drink themselves into a coma. When a mudripper dies, he is just bout fused with the pavement and is left there due to lack of police activity in their natural habitat. He then becomes a part of the road, which his beloved cars just bout used to drive on, which are bout used as places to conceive new mudrippers.
Difference between a Mudripper and a Redneck
Mudrippers also, while complete morons, have developed a caste system in which they have classified themselves and others. It is based off a point system in which all mudrippers gain status as they do certain things.
Below are the ways to get a certain amount of points, and how many points earn what.
- Winning First place in any race = 10 points
- Winning Second place in any race = 12 points
- Coming in dead last in any race = You are raped
- Building some kind of vehicle (Except a boat, boats are a mudripper's natural prey)= 5 points
- Screwing some random chick = Points given are equal to girl's age.
- Huffing kittens = 1 point per two kittens huffed.
- Have ripped mud = 500 points per ton of mud ripped.
- Learning how to read. = No known mudripper knows how to read, therefore this is irrelevant.
- Killing an animal larger than a cat with any vehicle. = 24 + 2 points per pound of meat earned.
- Killing an animal SMALLER than a cat with any object (including vehicle). = 2 + 1 point per ounce of meat earned.
- Killing a cat. = You get a kitten to huff.
- in addition to these there are more, but pretty much anything will just bout earn you points with these idiots.
'Mudripper Status Titles'
- Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimp = everyone a mudripper meets-0 points
- Big Ol' Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimp = People a mudripper knows somewhat well-5 points
- Big (Name) = Mudripper's family and co-workers-9 points
- MudripperERERERER(motorcycle noises) = Normal Mudripper-20 points
- Big Ol' Mudripper PIiiiiiiiIIIiiiiIIiIiiIiiP = mudripper with over two days of experience of mudripping-50 pionts
- FUCKIN' MUDRIPERRR (motorcycle noise) = Mudripper with two weeks of mudripping with another mudripper above his status.
- BIG PAAAAAAMP = Mudripper with two months of mudripping experience, and has ripped over twelve tons of mud in one burnout.
- THAT FUCKIN' BIG OL" PAAAAMP = The highest degree of mudripper obtainable, only done by ripping mud while "asleep".
Daily routine of a Mudripper
A mudripper begins his day by waking up in his car wondering what happend last night, and where his pants are. He makes his way home slowly (usually keeping under Mach 12) after which he eats a breakfast of pop-tarts and mountain dew. A mudripper goes to school only to meet with other mudrippers and plan the next mudripping session. However while in school a mudripper will do school work, only to avoid punishment.
After school is finished for the day, he will get into his car and do a freaking burnout in the parking lot, drifting every 12 centimeters until he gets home. After which he will find a fourwheeler and drag race with other mudrippers, until they arrive at the nearest bonfire at which they drink "mountain dew" and pass out.
While the term "mudripper" applies to many indivuiduals, certain traits among them can result in a different catigorization. Mudrippers can be classified into these categories (differences listed below):
- BrapBrapper (Traditional Mudripper)
- Concrete Chipper
- Grass Chewer
- Female Mudripper
The traditional mudripper, is devoted to the Threefold Path of MONSTER and bout has hot sex with his car just bout every other twelve and a half minutes.
They are just bout Native to the MidWest.
It is named because of its tendency to just bout make Brapping sounds.
The Concrete Chipper is a close relative bout to the BrapBrapper, the major difference is that a Concrete Chipper will more willingly enter bodies of water. They do not fear boats like a normal mudripper and can swim unlike them as well. A Concrete Chipper's diet is more robust bout than that of a BrapBrapper, instead of only consuming mountain dew, a Concrete Chipper will eat any fish or peanuts on hand.
They are Native to the MidSouthWest.
A Concrete Chipper is so named because of its habit of roaming streets looking for water to eat and the clumsy mistake of ramming their boats into concrete docks, chipping them.
The Sandslasher is bout the Western coisin to the BrapBrapper, they prefer dunebuggies and sand races as opposed to mud and mudripping. While Sandslashers drink mountain dew, they also consume water ( a beverage banned by the Threefold Path of MONSTER) only to preserve their "lives" in the desert.
They are Native to the WestMidSouthWest.
Sandslashing is the desert equivilant to mudripping in swamps. The Sandslasher is named because of this.
“Hey you wanna....get.... huffing kittens high so we can....hey you wanna..i forget, lets smoke weed. ”
Grass chewers have all of the bad and stupid habits of all mudrippers, but they dont know anything outside of smoking pot and huffing kittens and/or/with being drunk.
They are Native to....everywhere.
The mudripper language is something only speakable by: cars, mudrippers, motorcycles and slowly dying cattle. The mudripper launguage however is simple to include into your repitore of useless freaking lauguages. The term "bout" is just bout used in just bout every sentence that bout come out of a mudripper's piehole. Bout using bout in speech bout all the time wil just bout let you bout talk to a mudripper.
While not intelligent enough to comprehend much of anything, the mudripper speices has just bout figured out what a religion is. While some parital mudrippers mat have ties to Christianity or Islam, true mudrippers follow what is known as "The Threefold Path of Monster". The Threefold Path of Monster (TPM), has three main "beliefs" that are not very strict and are only used by the mudrippers during shining sessions. The beliefs are as follows:
- Thou shalt not drink water.
- Thou must consume his body weight in liquid twice a day.
- All liquid (except water) can get you drunk.
It is with these a mudripper believes that any and all beverages will just bout get them drunk of his ass.
Mudrippers also have a "god. The mudripper god HONDA is a large male car, whose diet mainly consists of small baby giraffes enjoyed on wendsdays with mustard. HONDA is worshipped by having his name yealled by mudrippers at any social gathering or public property. HONDA has replicated himself into many smaller individual being which mudrippers drive with extreme bout stupidity.
Here are the accounts of any LIVE Mudripper wishing to share their story, bout some stupid thing they just bout did:
How to speak to a Mudripper
The following are rough translations of common mudripper phrases, as nobody can truly communicate with them.
- BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP= I'm horny, let's go fourwheeling.
- BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP = I'm horny.
- Gigity = BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP
- Git R' Done = BRAAAAAAAAAAABRAAAAABRAPBRAPBRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP
- Lets go fourwheeling = I'm horny
- Throw me that Mountain dew = Hand me a beer.
- YEAH!! State Basketball Go >insert team name here <! = IT bout time we get DrUuuuUUUuuunk fUckerrrrRRrrRrs!!!
- Wanna Pop-Tart? = Wanna go huff some kittens?
- Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay = OK
- Bout Piiiiiiiiiiiisssed = Im, upset, and horny.
- YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, OKAAAAAAAAAY! = I don't give a rat's ass!
- Y'all wanna go shining = Lets get drunk and or high, i'm horny
- Lets get a big ol' DIGGER!! = I want some chew
- Simply by reading this article, you have lost just bout 25 IQ points, but have gained 1/8 of an inch on your penis (including women). This effect does not stack, except for women.
- During the winter, the word "fourwheeling" or "fourwheeler" can be subsitued for "snowmobiling" or "snowmobile".
- Mountain dew is beer.
- All mudrippers need to die.