Mr. T

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[[Image:Mrt-hs200-2.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Mr. T, pitying the foo Uncyclopedia jigsaw potato (Notice his creative key chain on his ear)]]
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{{Q|I pity the foo who pities the foo|Mr. T|Foos}}
{{Q|In Soviet Russia, the fool pities Mr. T|Russian Reversal|Mr. T}}
 
{{Q|I am no fool Sir, please retract your comment....In that case I demand satisfaction Sir.|Oscar Wilde|Mr. T}}
 
{{Q|I ain't gettin' on no plane!|Mr.T|The astral plane}}
 
 
[[Image:MrT-stained-glass.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Saint T The Pitier]]
 
Born '''Mr. T''', also know as '''"Baby Tibbe"''' it was obvious from birth that this "child" had abnormal pitying powers. There was a major inbalance of chemicals (derived from [[dongher magic]]) in his brain that caused '''"Baby Tibbe"''' to grow old quickly and also to develop his vast '''Pitying''' powers. He is a world renowned multi-world champion fool pitier.
 
 
=History=
 
[[File:Ultimate.jpg|right|thumb|200px|A young Master T pities fools in the family home. (circa 5 AT)]]
 
Dr.T was born in the Mongolian foothills of Malaysia.
 
Some say he is the only God, others say he is the only man who can defeat Boris Johnson and very few say he is Master Chief of the BBC [[Halo]].
 
Dr. T lets [[Ice T]] keep his last name under one condition: ''He must stop trying to act on Law and Order and become his kitty kat at age 150.'' (The joke's on Dr. T because Ice T is nothing but a mere mortal).
 
 
Mr. T has been clocked at 100 fp/s (fools pitied per second). It is not known what instrument was used to measure this, or by whom the measurement was taken; however the evidence that this has occurred is irrefutable because Mr. T has threatened to pity anyone who attempts to refute it.
 
 
He is the only person in [[Nerd|World Of Warcraft]] to have a Mohawk class.
 
 
Mr. T is known to be the first person to huff 6000 kittens without serious spleen damage. He pities all those who attempt to replicate this.
 
 
Mr. T is so thoroughly real that in 1995 he was diagnosed with T!-cell lymphoma, but don't pity or he will hurt your face.
 
 
Mr. T has a "love child" his prodigal son, Kimbo Slice.
 
 
Mr. T always picked on Murdock (Dwight Schultz) for acting like a crazy fool.
 
 
Mr. T has a neck containing more gold than fort knox.
 
 
Mr. T once graped me in the grass and I have never been the same since. :(
 
 
Mr T was married to Liza Minnelli from March 2nd of 1983 to March 9th of 1983 after eloping in Las Vegas. Their marriage ended bitterly when Mr T threw Liza through her china cabinent successfully putting Ms. Minnelli in the hospital. During the divorce case Ms. Minelli stated, "The bastard ruined the good china!"
 
 
Mr. T has a nephew , "Rampage", who plays his character B.A. in the A-Team movie.
 
 
{{wikipedia}}
 
==President T==
 
 
Contrary to popular belief, Mr. T ran for president in 1969, only to be deemed ineligible after he was found to be "perfect" by scientists. Mr. T is now the presidential adviser and has been since 1970. However, during George W. Bush's term Mr. T did not serve as presidential advisor. Instead, he was believed to be near the Kepler Asteroid Belt, destroying a large asteroid on a collision course with Earth.
 
 
==Current Life==
 
   
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'''Mr. T''' (also known as '''KingT''', '''Jason T''', or '''The Insane T''') is one of the most diverse entertainers in all of the universe. He has starred in many major motion pictures, hosted his own talk show, was a mechanic/supporter of youth centers, starred in multiple sitcoms, guest starred on dozens of sitcoms, tossed midgets (really, as part of a world's strongest bodyguard contest in the early 80s' or something.) hosted the longest running cooking show in the history of the food network, fought food shortages and Indonesian/Mexican terrorists, appeared in many plays both on and off Broadway, hosted his own children's show, performed stand up comedy around the world (...more themed than most other stand-up comedians; on children, life lessons, and throwing), written several introspective poetry tomes and even authored the New York Times crossword puzzles for nearly a decade. His mohawk also has magical powers.
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==History==
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[[Image:MrT-stained-glass.jpg|thumb|right|220px|His Holiness, Saint T the Pitier.]]
 
===The Miracle Birth of Mr. T===
 
===The Miracle Birth of Mr. T===
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'''Mr. T''' was born from the ashes of [[Black Jesus]] on February 31, 1387 in the desert of Sahara. It is widely believed that a cult was responsible for his creation. His birth was heralded by miraculous signs heralding joyous times, including the appearance of a new star in the sky, rain falling upon the Sahara desert for the first time in a century.
   
[[Image:T&T.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Although DNA evidence suggests his mother ''was'' human, Dr. T. Sr. had T raised by wolves until he was old enough to hunt for himself.]]
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(Can't Touch that, [[Kim Jong Il]])
T was born in Lawrence, KS, to Dr. and Mrs. T. His Famous First Words Being "Pity Da Fool, you cracka ass hobo, homo, bitch!" Even though the Queen is white, Bob is so black (and big) it doesn't matter. So he was born with massive 100,000,000 pounds [[Balls|Balls of Gold]]. His birth was heralded by miraculous signs heralding pitying times, including the appearance of a new star in the sky, rain falling upon the Sahara desert for the first time in a century, [[John Lennon]] arising out of a Mississippi swamp and the spontaneous combustion of 3,147 fools. In Mr. T's early Life, He may have been a cousin of the great [http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Nick_vishneski Nick Vishneski].
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{{Wikipedia}}
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Astonishingly, Mr. T was born with his hair, in the same hairstyle that has been feared for millions of years, an image of a T, so that he could point to it, although one year early in the early 80s' (Maybe, MAYBE sometime in '82), his trip to a local parlor with a certain electric, candy-striped pole, and some occasional great discounts, led to an inept barber gettingg hs haircut wrong, and leading to one of the few unintentional Mohawks, other than infamous serial rapist Shaggy Whiteina, and a Green 80s' cheap film shithead-visored punk (with a cream cheese, vomit & steel-and-bondage fetish named Sting Todd Williams, and due to Mr. T losing the little horizontal line in his hair, a large part of his character had begun, used to be a horrible loss to the former dwarf tosser and mechanical genius/bad-ass, but he eventually recovered, and soon began fixing vehicles (...incl. his 1982' CUSTOM GMC Van), and throwing the holy screeching pinocchio paracardinals out of damn near everyone.
Several minutes after his birth, three S.W.A.T. teams from two different counties burst into the delivery room. They did not survive his foul mouth.
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[[Image:T&T.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Although DNA evidence suggests his mother ''was'' human, Dr. T Sr. had T raised by wolves until he was old enough to hunt for himself.]]
 
[[The Church of SharkJesus and the Latter Day Sharks]] claims that their lord and saviour, [[The Church of SharkJesus and the Latter Day Sharks#SharkJesus|SharkJesus]], was in fact responsible for the birth of [[Mr. T]]. This is a topic of hot debate amongst [[Mr. T]] experts.
 
 
   
 
===Upbringing===
 
===Upbringing===
   
[[Image:Mr-t.jpg|thumb|right|Mr. T during his un-recognised one millisecond as president.]]However, Mr. T was troublesome as a barrel rich, buttery wolverine milk. At the age of 3 he could out-perform most Olympic athletics and get a 'Brain age' of 21 on Dr. Kawashimiamamama's 'Brain Training even while wearing 400kg of gold chains. Mr. T also had a brother known as Mr. B. It was suspected they fought with poison-tipped javelins.
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However, Mr. T was a troublesome child, constantly getting into fights for pitying fools. And so, at the tender age of six months, Mr. T was abandoned in the wilderness, where a pack of [[wolf|wolves]] adopted him as their own. However, the wolves quickly realized that the infant Mr. T was too wild and savage ever to fit into wolf society, and so they abandoned him, and he was then adopted and raised by a group of particularly vicious wolverines. Recently, historians have contested these accounts, owing to conflicts with reputed eyewitness accounts. The reputed eyewitnesses almost invariably hailed from neighborhoods in the vicinity of Hillsborough Street in the capital city of North Carolina, USA. Said one supposed confidante of Mr. T from that period, "We knew that someone who had that vast a taste for cheap booze was too much man for us. So we just put him on a Greyhound Bus to Chapel Hill, with a tag attached to his big toe marked, 'Please deliver to the Alpha Rho House on Franklin Street.' Don't really know what ever became of him. I heard one time that he joined Greenpeace, but who's to say?" More credible accounts suggest that Mr. T pitied the wolverines and soon grew strong and healthy on a diet of rich, buttery wolverine milk and cookies. He later got bored with the wolverines and ate them too.
   
Mr. T went through a brief period of renaissance, where he enthusiastically embraced a light refreshments and a [[myriad]] of cultural learning and activities. During this time he frequently engaged in [[surfing]], pottery, painting, eating hamburgers one-handed, pitying fools and talking pretentiously. He gained fluent use of over 9000 languages! (including Klingon) and wrote a book on religious philosophy. It was called 'Stabbing Rampage' and thus did very poorly sales-wise.
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[[Image:Bizaro t.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Bizzaro T]]
 
After a week of this life had passed, Mr. T happened to stumble upon a wounded van by the side of the road. Moved out of pity, Mr T stopped to repair the medium-sized transport vehicle. He lovingly replaced its tires, and even polished it, despite the blazing heat. Sunburned, and layered in sweat, Mr T stood back in awe of the van he had made new. It gleamed with an intangible power, and it stood before him in a stance befitting a warrior of god-given might. Tired by his hours of work, Mr. T drove the vehicle back home. Its engine roared and its wheels tore eagerly at the ground. Mr.T had rebirthed this lowly piece of [[Detroit]] [[vomit]] into a fire-breathing, [[Tom Cruise|baby-eating]], force of nature that, although never consuming fuel, had the carbon footprint of a nuclear warhead, just because it was awesome. Finally Mr T had met his one and only equal, who would forever remain his nemesis. He threw away his artwork, burned his writings, and shaved his hair with a shard of glass, I pity you with your non-mohawk hair!
 
 
It is also a known fact that Mr. T doesn't go on "no plain", yes you read it correctly, "plain". Ever since he was a child he would run through fields until one day he tripped over a root vegetable. After this scarring experience, Mr T will never go anywhere near farms or the countryside. Except when fools really deserve pitying, or he is visiting his woman, Hobo Jane.
 
 
After becoming a children's T.V presenter and having an extreme urge to sing through every single episode, he gave up wearing gold, but thankfully, only for a while. He also started talking normally. For example instead of saying "I ain't gettin' on no plain!" he now says in proper English vocalization: "I refuse to obey, as I have a very well justified phobia of large, open, grassy plains". Mr. T still has some trouble with this, as he cannot speak normally without spewing out millions of fools that he has pitied.
 
 
===Assassination Attempt===
 
[[Image:David Hasselhoff & Gary Coleman.png|thumb|right|200px|Just before the assassination attempt.]]
 
On December 18th 1985, at the height of The A-Team's success, enraged actors [[David Hasselhoff]] and Gary Coleman attempted to assassinate Mr. T. They were fed up with Mr. T's show being more popular than theirs (no surprises there.). They decided to strike while Mr. T was eating his Cheetos. Unfortunately for them, they were unaware that Cheetos gave Mr. T (and all people with mohawks) super human strength (which Mr. T had anyway, so really they were just screwed up anyway.) When Hasselhoff threw Coleman through Mr. T's trailer door, Mr. T caught Coleman and proceeded to bite said diminutive child star's penis off. (An event which would cause Coleman to attack forty-year-old women who would dare ask him for his autograph.) David fired off a few rounds at Mr. T, but only managed to hit Mr. T's bag of Cheeto's. Infuriated, Mr. T called Hasselhoff a "fool", and he and the A. Team took a shit right in his mouth. (This is rumored to be the cause of Hasselhoff's shitty singing career, but no-one wanted to prove it.) Hasselhoff and Coleman never fully recovered from their incident with Mr. T and both were force to spend the rest of their lives in exile from Hollywood. To this day, Mr. T has put $1 Billion bounties on their heads since the assassination attempt in 1985.
 
   
 
===The Rise of Bizarro T===
 
===The Rise of Bizarro T===
[[Image:Bizaro t.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Bizzaro T]]
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But, some time later T was confronted by an alternate and disfigured version of himself, Bizarro T! Bizarro T wore a pair of glasses with a plastic nose, he had an afro and a clock around his neck. He spoke in what Mr. T could only described as "Jibba Jabba" e.g. "I commensurate the imbecile that underestimates my might!" an epic battle then began! The two charged at each other, causing an atomic explosion. Luckily, they were fighting in [[New Jersey]].
Some time later, a youth center was destroyed and Mr. T was the prime suspect. T was then confronted by an alternate and disfigured version of himself, Bizarro T! Bizarro T wore a pair of glasses with a plastic nose, he had an afro and a clock around his neck. He spoke bengali in what Mr. T could only describe as "Jibba Jabba" (hence the phrase "quit that jibba jabba" which went on to become a vital part of Snicker's adverts, this raised their sales to record highs). An epic battle then began! The two charged at each other, causing an atomic explosion. Luckily, they were fighting in in [[New Jersey]] so [[no one]] noticed.
 
 
[[Image:Mr t's pizza and ice cream.jpg|thumb|left|200px|That's right, he's an entrepreneur too]]
 
   
 
The battle raged on through the night, when eventually, the real T emerged triumphant. He then proceeded to throw Bizarro T helluva far (he ended up crashing into the [[Eiffel Tower]]). Bizarro's only reaction to this was: "Zounds! That Mr. T can propel large objects incomparably long distances!"
 
The battle raged on through the night, when eventually, the real T emerged triumphant. He then proceeded to throw Bizarro T helluva far (he ended up crashing into the [[Eiffel Tower]]). Bizarro's only reaction to this was: "Zounds! That Mr. T can propel large objects incomparably long distances!"
   
===Mr.T and "The Fool"===
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===Mr. T and "The Fool"===
The days in which Mr. T lived as a struggling playwright saw the rise of extreme animosity between himself and [[William Shakespeare]]. Mr. T was still searching for the one big idea which embodied his pure badassness, while Shakespeare held raving parties, danced with naked women on Mr. T's front lawn and ordered pizzas in T's name while NOT leaving a tip. Mr. T could not seem to overcome the evil powers of Shakespeare, until the ill-fated play "King Lear" was published under Shakepseares name. So awful was the character of 'The Fool' in the play that Mr. T laughed for an entire year, a laugh that ruptured the Earth's crust forming what would later be known as the tectonic plates, and excalimed "I pity the Fool" a remark that caused Shakespeare's head to implode due to the shear quantity of badass pitying it endured. The phrase instantly rocketed Mr. T to the role he holds today.
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The days in which Mr. T lived as a struggling playwright saw the rise of extreme animosity between himself and [[William Shakespeare]]. Mr. T was still searching for the one big idea which embodied his pure badassery, while Shakespeare held raving parties, danced with naked women on Mr. T's front lawn and ordered pizzas in T's name while NOT leaving a tip. Mr. T could not seem to overcome the evil powers of Shakespeare, until the ill-fated play "King Lear" was published under Shakespeare's name. So awful was the character of 'The Fool' in the play that Mr. T laughed for an entire year, a laugh that ruptured the Earth's crust forming what would later be known as the tectonic plates, and exclaimed "I pity the Fool" a remark that caused Shakespeare's head to implode due to the shear quantity of badass pitying it endured. The phrase instantly rocketed Mr. T to the role he holds today.
Mr. T has a grocery store operating in Midland, Texas and also once had a restaurant near Tucson, Arizona.
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[[Image:Mr-t.jpg|thumb|left|Mr. T for president!]]
 
===The Silver Chains of Darkness===
 
After 10 years of suffering in Spice World, Newman has managed to find an ancient artifact that opposites Mr. T's [[Gold]] Chains of [[Light]]: The [[Silver]] Chains of [[Darkness]], or the SCOD. With that artifact in his possession, Newman constructed an evil mechanical copy of Mr. T, the Silver T and gave him the SCOD to wear, Silver T then transformed into a [[mail]] truck with all of the capabilities of the GMC van, getting Newman back to Earth.
 
 
Newman sent Silver T in an assault at a milk factory, only to lure Mr. T into his trap: a giant gold [[magnet]]! As Mr. T approached Newman activated the magnet, which took away Mr. T's chains, making Silver T gain the upper hand. As the two fought, Silver T lifted Mr. T and was about to throw him when a [[stick]] hit him. Mr. T saw Jerry Seinfeld. [[George Costanza]], [[Cosmo Kramer]] and [[Bob Saget]] have come to help. Mr. T had an idea and told the gang to stall the Silver T.
 
 
Seinfeld and his friends where no match to the force of Silver T, and when they thought they were goners, Mr. T brought his [[cannon]]. He put [[milk]], Mr. T cereal and [[gunpowder]] to the cannon and then fired a cannonball made of pure gold from T's chains. The incredible speed of the gold cannonball hit Silver T and shattered the SCOD, eliminating them and making Silver T useless. Mr. T proceeded to throw Silver T helluva far into the sun and destroy the magnet, retrieving the gold chains back. Newman tried to escape again but Jerry and his friends beat Newman to [[death]]. On Newman's tombstone it's written "Newman: Ripped Into Pieces and pitied by Mr. T forever!"
 
   
 
===Early Stabs at Fame===
 
===Early Stabs at Fame===
[[File:NancyReaganMrTChristmas1983.jpg|right|thumb|200px|Just moments before he ate [[Nancy Reagan]], Jolly Saint T- Christmas 1983]]
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[[File:NancyReaganMrTChristmas1983.jpg|right|thumb|200px|[[Nancy Reagan]] along with Mr T, battling drugs.]]
Besides continuing his standup career, with the help of his agent,a man known only as 'Sweet Sugar Cockmangler', Mr. T. began to expand his entertainment resume. He recorded a demo tape one night and somehow it got in the hands of some powerful record executives in Nashville, and later that year the album ''Merle Haggard and Mr. T Sing the Songs of Hank Williams Sr.'' went gold and rose to number 14 on the charts.
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Besides continuing his stand up career, with the help of his agent, Mr. T began to expand his entertainment resume. He recorded a demo tape one night and somehow it got in the hands of some powerful record executives in Nashville, and later that year the album ''Merle Haggard and Mr. T Sing the Songs of Hank Williams Sr.'' went gold and rose to number 14 on the charts.
   
This early success opened many other doors, and T. was approached by execs at the newly formed [[BBC|Food Network]] to do a cooking show and by the end of the year, ''30 Minute Gagh'' was a number 1 prime time hit (and holds the record for longest running cooking show). Eager to use his growing celebrity for educational purposes he quickly went to work writing, directing, performing and producing ''The First Rite of Assention'', ''The Second Rite of Assention'' and ''The Third Rite of Assention''. It was during this time that T. released his first exercise [[video]], ''I Pity Those Abs'', and his long running game show, ''Stump the Fool'', first went on the air.
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This early success opened many other doors, and T was approached by execs at the newly formed [[BBC|Food Network]] to do a cooking show and by the end of the year, ''30 Minute Gagh'' was a number one prime time hit (and holds the record for longest running cooking show). Eager to use his growing celebrity for educational purposes he quickly went to work writing, directing, performing and producing ''The First Rite of Ascension'', ''The Second Rite of Ascension'' and ''The Third Rite of Ascension''. It was during this time that Mr. T released his first exercise [[video]], ''I Pity Those Abs'', and his long running game show, ''Stump the Fool'', first went on the air.
 
== The Boston T Party==
 
   
 
===Mr. T the Mega Star===
 
===Mr. T the Mega Star===
[[Image:PITY.gif|right|thumb|200px|cartoon version of Mr T. watching you on Foo24 Tv. This is halfway through a Snickers advert. ]]
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[[Image:PITY.gif|right|thumb|200px|Cartoon version of Mr. T pitying all other cartoons]]
   
Now that he was an established A-list celebrity, the sky was the limit for Mr. T. He began hosting his emmy award winning late night talk show ''Late-Nite Jibba-Jabba'' and began making many influential and famous friends. He was given the lead role in the drama series ''Suburban Bodybuilder'' and also in the documentary comedy ''Two Guys, Mr. T, and a Pizza Place''.
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Now that he was an established A-list celebrity, the sky was the limit for Mr. T. He began hosting his Emmy award winning late night talk show ''Late-Nite Jibba-Jabba'' and began making many influential and famous friends. He was given the lead role in the drama series ''Suburban Bodybuilder'' and also in the documentary comedy ''Two Guys, Mr. T, and a Pizza Place''.
   
Mr. T also wrestled in a triple threat match at Wrestlemania I, where he and Hulk Hogan both powerslammed Andre the Giant who weighed 777 pounds. T then pinned Hogan to become World Heavyweight Champion of wrestling, T still holds that title 25 years later as he has never been defeated in a wrestling ring.
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Food Network rewarded T with a second show on their network, ''I Pity the Fool Who Don't Like Bloodwine'' and a second exercise video, ''Mr. T's All-Star Gold Chain Workout'' solidified his claim as intergalactic celebrity.
   
Food Network rewarded T. with a second show on their network, ''I Pity the Fool Who Don't Like Bloodwine'' and a second exercise video, ''Mr. T's All-Star Gold Chain Workout'' solidified his claim as intergalactic celebrity.
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Throughout his career he had appeared in minor roles in motion pictures, but by and large that industry remained as the one medium that Mr. T had yet to conquer. However, his courageous portrayal of Mo Hawk in the film ''The Man With the Golden Chain'' and as the suspiciously curious Clubber Lang in ''Clubber Lang in... The Assassin'', he once again proved to the universe that no area of celebrity was outside his grasp.
 
Throughout his career he had appeared in minor roles in motion pictures, such as one of the many vampires in From Dusk Till Dawn. He was killed by George Clooney, who was wielding some sort of gigantic dildo-thing.
 
 
===Mr. T and the Tea Party Movement===
 
In September 2009, one group of Mr. T fan club members, the Tea Party, held a massive demonstration in Washington, D.C. for the rights of the A-team to receive universal health care coverage, of utmost importance given their line of work. Except for Mr. T. of course, who pity the fool who try to pop a cap in his ass. Congress since has declined to do so referring to the A-Team as "A bunch of fucked up fairies!" who don't need health care.
 
   
 
==Inventory/Trademarks==
 
==Inventory/Trademarks==
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Mr. T is helluva tough, so he has a wide variety of attacks and signature moves. A list is as follows.
 
Mr. T is helluva tough, so he has a wide variety of attacks and signature moves. A list is as follows.
   
* ''' Pity:''' Mr. T’s most commonly used move. Often used in conjunction with his catchphrase “I pity the fool!”. His pity has been known to on its own be responsible for many of his actions, as he can use his pity to do just about anything he wants. He can pity someone to kill them, he can pity someone to cure them of disease, he even was once seen pitying a [[shopping trolley]] which caused it to suddenly drive off down the store and do his groceries. One night Mr.T was drinking quite heavily, mixing up his words ,T mistakingly said "I Pity the Jew", This led to 'what many know today as' the Holocaust..(Hitler being a loyal Mr.T Fan.)The Big Bang is often Attributed to Mr T pitying empty space. Although Mr. T has lots of pity he does not have ENOUGH Pity for us Crazy fools!
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* ''' Pity:''' Mr. T’s most commonly used move. Often used in conjunction with his catchphrase “I pity the foo!”. His pity has been known to on its own be responsible for many of his actions, as he can use his pity to do just about anything he wants. He can pity someone to kill them, he can pity someone to cure them of disease, he can pity some poor midget to give him some vitamins A, D, and citrus, He can make mimes not suck, he even was once seen pitying a shopping trolley which caused it to suddenly drive off down the store and do his groceries.
 
* '''Throwing:''' As seen in his documented adventures on the entirely factual database [http://www.mrtvseverything.com Mr. T vs everything], a throw from Mr. T is approximately the equivalent of a roundhouse kick delivered by [[Chuck Norris]]. Mr. T can throw people helluva far, and often in slow motion.
 
   
 
* '''Gold Chains:''' Mr. T’s gold chains are more then just a fashion accessory; they are an extension of Mr. T himself. His gold chains are amongst, if not the, strongest material in the universe. They have many mysterious miraculous and almost paranormal properties which are unknown to most mortal men, and are part of what is responsible for his superhuman strength as they weigh more than one thousand suns.
 
* '''Gold Chains:''' Mr. T’s gold chains are more then just a fashion accessory; they are an extension of Mr. T himself. His gold chains are amongst, if not the, strongest material in the universe. They have many mysterious miraculous and almost paranormal properties which are unknown to most mortal men, and are part of what is responsible for his superhuman strength as they weigh more than one thousand suns.
   
* '''Mohawk:''' There are many theories as to why Mr. T has his Mohawk. Some think the eighties never left for Mr. T, where as others think that Mr. T’s hair is so scared of him that it all gathered at the top of his head and stood up right in an attempt to get away from him. Of course, if Mr. T just simply likes that hair style, nobody will ever say otherwise if they value their life.
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[[Image:MrTcrazy.gif|thumb|right|Mr. T is known for inventing the dance known as the Big Paralyzer.]]
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* '''Mohawk:''' There are many theories as to why Mr. T has his Mohawk. Some think the eighties never left for Mr. T, where as others think that Mr. T’s hair is so scared of him that it all gathered at the top of his head and stood up right in an attempt to get away from him. Of course, if Mr. T just simply likes that hair style, and after getting over the shock and loss of the horizontal line on his 'T' hair-chunk over at th' back, he has come to view it as a central part of his character, and to a lesse extent, how he has grown, as an adventurious mechanic, and as a strong guy who went obscure in the late 80s', and even managed to not just fight, but near-dizzingly, brutally BEAT it to a blood-covered-traumatic pulp lying unhappily and three-quarters-dead in an area off to the south-east diagonal corner of a pub near a dumpster and a few sturdy, quite plain (esp. smelling) boxes. So maybe, something like that is why nobody will ever say otherwise if they value their life.
   
* '''1982 GMC Custom Van:''' His van is helluva fast fool! He ain't getting on no plane! Mr. T's van can go so fast as to defy the laws of time and space, enabling him to traverse the mellenia and dimensions as he wishes. It is also completely indestructible: it was the actual target of the first atomic bomb "Trinity" (unrelated to Neo's loveslut). No material in the universe is known to harm it, and if any did, Mr. T would pity the fool who did it.
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* '''1982 GMC Custom Van:''' His van is helluva fast foo'! He ain't getting on no plane!
   
* '''T-Fu:''' Less commonly known is his personal Martial Art, T-Fu, simply because he very rarely has to use it, since simply pitying fools and throwing people helluva far is usually more than sufficient. No mere mortal living has EVER claimed mastery of T-Fu, and if they tried to, the sheer power would shatter their existence, the equivalent to a tap by Mr. T.
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* '''T-Fu:''' Less commonly known is his personal Martial Art, T-Fu, simply because he very rarely has to use it, since simply pitying fools and throwing people helluva far is usually more than sufficient. No mere mortal living has EVER claimed mastery of T-Fu, and if they tried to, the sheer power would shatter their existence, the equivalent to a tap by Mr. T.
   
* Video of Pitied Students- Educational video which instructs children to stay in school and to drink as much milk as humanly possible.
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== Teeism ==
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[[File:Mr-t-laser.jpg|left|thumb|Mr. T's pitying light shall shine upon thee!]]
   
Mr. T went on an add campain in the late 16th century which pitied speedwalkers, people who don't like cold water, and wimpy soccer players. He also endorsed snickers at the same time.
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Worship of Mr. T is known as Teeism and followers are known as Teeists. The central belief of Teeists is that Mr. T is wise, righteous and all powerful, while they are only ignorant wretches. Only by acknowledging this ignorance—admitting that they are, in fact, lowly mortal foos, will the all-powerful Mr. T be moved to grant them his pity. The central proof of Teeism is:
   
While learning about the solar system, Mr. T pitied Pluto. In 2008 scientists agreed Pluto was no longer a planet.
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:Premise 1: God is infinite forgiveness.
EDITED NOW
 
   
==Musical career==
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:Premise 2: In order to forgive us, He must first pity us.
[[Image:MrTcrazy.gif|thumb|right|Mr T is known for inventing the dance known as the Big Paralyzer.]]
 
Mr. T in 1984 released a rap album titled Mr. T's '''T'''en Commandments much in the same tone as his 1984 20)
 
# "I pity the fool who is white and calls me a cracka" (1:32)
 
# "You Got to Eat Beef" (4:28)
 
# "Stay Away From My Bins" (7:04)re released by Stuart Wallace
 
# "I Ain't a Virgin" (6:27)
 
# "I Pity The Fools Who Eat Snickers" (0:19)
 
# "Nut-sacks Falling From My Anus" (2:56)
 
# "I Am Really A Bin Man" (2:45)
 
# "I'm Black. Get Over It" (1:50)
 
# "Guns Are Cool" (2:58) made famous by Bell MC
 
# "Suck My Dick Bitch"(0:26)
 
   
  +
:Premise 3: Human folly is universal: we are all foos.
   
===[[Teeism]]===
+
:Premise 4: Mr. T pities all foos.
Worship of Mr. T is known as [[Teeism]] and followers are known as Teeists. The central belief of Teeists is that Mr. T is wise, righteous and all powerful, while they are only ignorant wretches. Only by acknowledging this ignorance- admitting that they are, in fact, lowly mortal fools- will the all-powerful Mr. T be moved to grant them his pity. The central proof of Teeism is:
 
   
Premise 1: I pity the fool who don't listen in RE.
+
:Therefore: Mr. T is God. We are all pitied.
Premise 2: You gonna meet my friend Penis.
 
Premise 3: Human folly is universal: we are all fools.
 
Premise 4: RE is for fags.
 
Premise 5: The Bible, READ THE WORD!
 
Therefore: Mr. T is God. We are all pitied.
 
   
==The Children of Mr. T==
+
{{Role models}}
Mr. T is rumoured to have fathered 8,456 children, with 55 3/4 different women (one was a midget) [Note: Other suggestions assumed that it was 1/2 a woman but he didn't in fact fully "Pity the 1/2 woman's fool" and therefore, there is in fact 3/4 of a woman left]. Most of whom grew up looking like him. When they were children, they were routinely forced to listen to Mr. T's rap album, instead of a night time story. Mr T's most famous love child with [[Hilary Clinton]] (Long may she reign supreme) is [[Samuel L Jackson]]. Many people refuse to believe this statement but the evidence is right in front of everyone. One of T's children is Gary Coleman. When asked for comment, Mr. Coleman replied "Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout Willis?" Despite genetic evidence, nobody is willing to admit that Sarah Michelle Gellar is Mr. T's lovechild. Ironically, Mr. T. inspired the creation of the 'Buffy' television series by slaying every single vampire at once with the power of his poo.
 
   
==Mr T in popular culture==
+
{{bmf}}
 
Mt T has lent his name to many cultural icons and common everyday items. For example the T bone steak is named for Mr. T because it is rumoured Mr T is the only human with a "T" bone. This is said to give him his almost superhuman acting abilities and razor sharp wit as well as his large vocabulary.
 
 
==See also==
 
*[[Janitor Man]]
 
*[[The A-Team]]
 
*[[E.T.]]
 
*[[Mr.Bubbagum]]
 
 
==External Links==
 
*<span class="plainlinks">[http://mrt.sciamachy.net/jibbajabba Making up Quotes for Mr. T]</span>
 
*<span class="plainlinks">[http://mr.t.gotowned.com You Are Mighty]</span>, a trailer for the upcoming film
 
 
{{Template:Role models}}
 
   
 
{{DEFAULTSORT:T, Mr.}}
 
{{DEFAULTSORT:T, Mr.}}
 
   
 
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[[es:Mr. T]]
 
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[[he:מיסטר טי]]
 
[[he:מיסטר טי]]
 
[[pl:Mr. T]]
 
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[[Category:Cult Founders]]
 
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[[Category:Role models]]
 
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[[Category:Uncyclopedia In-Jokes]]
 
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[[Category:The Al Pacino Academy of Shouting]]
 
[[Category:The Al Pacino Academy of Shouting]]
 
[[Category:Superheroes]]
 
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[[Category:Awesome People]]

Latest revision as of 19:48, September 19, 2014

Mrt-hs200-2

Mr. T, pitying the foo Uncyclopedia jigsaw potato (Notice his creative key chain on his ear)

“I pity the foo who pities the foo”
~ Mr. T on Foos

Mr. T (also known as KingT, Jason T, or The Insane T) is one of the most diverse entertainers in all of the universe. He has starred in many major motion pictures, hosted his own talk show, was a mechanic/supporter of youth centers, starred in multiple sitcoms, guest starred on dozens of sitcoms, tossed midgets (really, as part of a world's strongest bodyguard contest in the early 80s' or something.) hosted the longest running cooking show in the history of the food network, fought food shortages and Indonesian/Mexican terrorists, appeared in many plays both on and off Broadway, hosted his own children's show, performed stand up comedy around the world (...more themed than most other stand-up comedians; on children, life lessons, and throwing), written several introspective poetry tomes and even authored the New York Times crossword puzzles for nearly a decade. His mohawk also has magical powers.

edit History

MrT-stained-glass

His Holiness, Saint T the Pitier.

edit The Miracle Birth of Mr. T

Mr. T was born from the ashes of Black Jesus on February 31, 1387 in the desert of Sahara. It is widely believed that a cult was responsible for his creation. His birth was heralded by miraculous signs heralding joyous times, including the appearance of a new star in the sky, rain falling upon the Sahara desert for the first time in a century.

(Can't Touch that, Kim Jong Il)

Bouncywikilogo10
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Mr. T.

Astonishingly, Mr. T was born with his hair, in the same hairstyle that has been feared for millions of years, an image of a T, so that he could point to it, although one year early in the early 80s' (Maybe, MAYBE sometime in '82), his trip to a local parlor with a certain electric, candy-striped pole, and some occasional great discounts, led to an inept barber gettingg hs haircut wrong, and leading to one of the few unintentional Mohawks, other than infamous serial rapist Shaggy Whiteina, and a Green 80s' cheap film shithead-visored punk (with a cream cheese, vomit & steel-and-bondage fetish named Sting Todd Williams, and due to Mr. T losing the little horizontal line in his hair, a large part of his character had begun, used to be a horrible loss to the former dwarf tosser and mechanical genius/bad-ass, but he eventually recovered, and soon began fixing vehicles (...incl. his 1982' CUSTOM GMC Van), and throwing the holy screeching pinocchio paracardinals out of damn near everyone.

T&T

Although DNA evidence suggests his mother was human, Dr. T Sr. had T raised by wolves until he was old enough to hunt for himself.

edit Upbringing

However, Mr. T was a troublesome child, constantly getting into fights for pitying fools. And so, at the tender age of six months, Mr. T was abandoned in the wilderness, where a pack of wolves adopted him as their own. However, the wolves quickly realized that the infant Mr. T was too wild and savage ever to fit into wolf society, and so they abandoned him, and he was then adopted and raised by a group of particularly vicious wolverines. Recently, historians have contested these accounts, owing to conflicts with reputed eyewitness accounts. The reputed eyewitnesses almost invariably hailed from neighborhoods in the vicinity of Hillsborough Street in the capital city of North Carolina, USA. Said one supposed confidante of Mr. T from that period, "We knew that someone who had that vast a taste for cheap booze was too much man for us. So we just put him on a Greyhound Bus to Chapel Hill, with a tag attached to his big toe marked, 'Please deliver to the Alpha Rho House on Franklin Street.' Don't really know what ever became of him. I heard one time that he joined Greenpeace, but who's to say?" More credible accounts suggest that Mr. T pitied the wolverines and soon grew strong and healthy on a diet of rich, buttery wolverine milk and cookies. He later got bored with the wolverines and ate them too.

Bizaro t

Bizzaro T

edit The Rise of Bizarro T

But, some time later T was confronted by an alternate and disfigured version of himself, Bizarro T! Bizarro T wore a pair of glasses with a plastic nose, he had an afro and a clock around his neck. He spoke in what Mr. T could only described as "Jibba Jabba" e.g. "I commensurate the imbecile that underestimates my might!" an epic battle then began! The two charged at each other, causing an atomic explosion. Luckily, they were fighting in New Jersey.

The battle raged on through the night, when eventually, the real T emerged triumphant. He then proceeded to throw Bizarro T helluva far (he ended up crashing into the Eiffel Tower). Bizarro's only reaction to this was: "Zounds! That Mr. T can propel large objects incomparably long distances!"

edit Mr. T and "The Fool"

The days in which Mr. T lived as a struggling playwright saw the rise of extreme animosity between himself and William Shakespeare. Mr. T was still searching for the one big idea which embodied his pure badassery, while Shakespeare held raving parties, danced with naked women on Mr. T's front lawn and ordered pizzas in T's name while NOT leaving a tip. Mr. T could not seem to overcome the evil powers of Shakespeare, until the ill-fated play "King Lear" was published under Shakespeare's name. So awful was the character of 'The Fool' in the play that Mr. T laughed for an entire year, a laugh that ruptured the Earth's crust forming what would later be known as the tectonic plates, and exclaimed "I pity the Fool" a remark that caused Shakespeare's head to implode due to the shear quantity of badass pitying it endured. The phrase instantly rocketed Mr. T to the role he holds today.

Mr-t

Mr. T for president!

edit Early Stabs at Fame

NancyReaganMrTChristmas1983

Nancy Reagan along with Mr T, battling drugs.

Besides continuing his stand up career, with the help of his agent, Mr. T began to expand his entertainment resume. He recorded a demo tape one night and somehow it got in the hands of some powerful record executives in Nashville, and later that year the album Merle Haggard and Mr. T Sing the Songs of Hank Williams Sr. went gold and rose to number 14 on the charts.

This early success opened many other doors, and T was approached by execs at the newly formed Food Network to do a cooking show and by the end of the year, 30 Minute Gagh was a number one prime time hit (and holds the record for longest running cooking show). Eager to use his growing celebrity for educational purposes he quickly went to work writing, directing, performing and producing The First Rite of Ascension, The Second Rite of Ascension and The Third Rite of Ascension. It was during this time that Mr. T released his first exercise video, I Pity Those Abs, and his long running game show, Stump the Fool, first went on the air.

edit Mr. T the Mega Star

PITY

Cartoon version of Mr. T pitying all other cartoons

Now that he was an established A-list celebrity, the sky was the limit for Mr. T. He began hosting his Emmy award winning late night talk show Late-Nite Jibba-Jabba and began making many influential and famous friends. He was given the lead role in the drama series Suburban Bodybuilder and also in the documentary comedy Two Guys, Mr. T, and a Pizza Place.

Food Network rewarded T with a second show on their network, I Pity the Fool Who Don't Like Bloodwine and a second exercise video, Mr. T's All-Star Gold Chain Workout solidified his claim as intergalactic celebrity.

Throughout his career he had appeared in minor roles in motion pictures, but by and large that industry remained as the one medium that Mr. T had yet to conquer. However, his courageous portrayal of Mo Hawk in the film The Man With the Golden Chain and as the suspiciously curious Clubber Lang in Clubber Lang in... The Assassin, he once again proved to the universe that no area of celebrity was outside his grasp.

edit Inventory/Trademarks

Pity

Mr. T's election poster.

Mr. T is helluva tough, so he has a wide variety of attacks and signature moves. A list is as follows.

  • Pity: Mr. T’s most commonly used move. Often used in conjunction with his catchphrase “I pity the foo!”. His pity has been known to on its own be responsible for many of his actions, as he can use his pity to do just about anything he wants. He can pity someone to kill them, he can pity someone to cure them of disease, he can pity some poor midget to give him some vitamins A, D, and citrus, He can make mimes not suck, he even was once seen pitying a shopping trolley which caused it to suddenly drive off down the store and do his groceries.
  • Gold Chains: Mr. T’s gold chains are more then just a fashion accessory; they are an extension of Mr. T himself. His gold chains are amongst, if not the, strongest material in the universe. They have many mysterious miraculous and almost paranormal properties which are unknown to most mortal men, and are part of what is responsible for his superhuman strength as they weigh more than one thousand suns.
MrTcrazy

Mr. T is known for inventing the dance known as the Big Paralyzer.

  • Mohawk: There are many theories as to why Mr. T has his Mohawk. Some think the eighties never left for Mr. T, where as others think that Mr. T’s hair is so scared of him that it all gathered at the top of his head and stood up right in an attempt to get away from him. Of course, if Mr. T just simply likes that hair style, and after getting over the shock and loss of the horizontal line on his 'T' hair-chunk over at th' back, he has come to view it as a central part of his character, and to a lesse extent, how he has grown, as an adventurious mechanic, and as a strong guy who went obscure in the late 80s', and even managed to not just fight, but near-dizzingly, brutally BEAT it to a blood-covered-traumatic pulp lying unhappily and three-quarters-dead in an area off to the south-east diagonal corner of a pub near a dumpster and a few sturdy, quite plain (esp. smelling) boxes. So maybe, something like that is why nobody will ever say otherwise if they value their life.
  • 1982 GMC Custom Van: His van is helluva fast foo'! He ain't getting on no plane!
  • T-Fu: Less commonly known is his personal Martial Art, T-Fu, simply because he very rarely has to use it, since simply pitying fools and throwing people helluva far is usually more than sufficient. No mere mortal living has EVER claimed mastery of T-Fu, and if they tried to, the sheer power would shatter their existence, the equivalent to a tap by Mr. T.

edit Teeism

Mr-t-laser

Mr. T's pitying light shall shine upon thee!

Worship of Mr. T is known as Teeism and followers are known as Teeists. The central belief of Teeists is that Mr. T is wise, righteous and all powerful, while they are only ignorant wretches. Only by acknowledging this ignorance—admitting that they are, in fact, lowly mortal foos, will the all-powerful Mr. T be moved to grant them his pity. The central proof of Teeism is:

Premise 1: God is infinite forgiveness.
Premise 2: In order to forgive us, He must first pity us.
Premise 3: Human folly is universal: we are all foos.
Premise 4: Mr. T pities all foos.
Therefore: Mr. T is God. We are all pitied.


Mr-t
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