Mr. Bojangles

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edit The Answer

Mr. Bojangles is a phrase commonly used to fill in an answer for a question that you do not know. For example, questions like: "What is the capital of the ocean?" "Let’s go all the way." Or even for a fill in the blank question, such as: "The early caveman lived in a ________" Note that grammar is not important in any use of Mr. Bojangles.

edit Things to watch out for

Mr. Bojangles can only be used in the case when it is not the right answer*. If the answer to the question posed is in fact Mr. Bojangles, and you know this for a fact this is the correct answer, (ex: What do you write/think/say/vomit upon the floor directly in front of you when you don't know the answer to a question?) you may instead slap them across the face and ask them to repeat themselves more clearly.

If a man's name is Mr. Bojangles, and he asks what his name is, it may create a rip in the space-time continuum, and convert anyone you love dearly into a chicken, hampster, or wombat. To avoid such incidents, you can:

1. Kill your entire family and all people you care about with the weapon of your choice, before you approach anyone named Mr. Bojangles.

2. Wear earplugs all the time

3. Kill everyone named Mr. Bojangles, and anyone thinking about naming their child Mr. Bojangles, while following suggestion two.

4. You could travel with all your loved ones to an unclaimed planet, claim it for your own, give yourself and your loved ones diplomatic immunity, and fly home to earth. (Note: If you claim a planet for your own in a sector inside the beta F2 circle of the universe, you must visit it (under the secret earth government law) at least twice a week.

5. If you are insane or somewhat adventurous, try all of the above.

If you are experiencing fatigue or drowsiness while using the Mr. Bojangles alternative you may want to lay off the Claritin extra-drowsy.

edit Mr. Bojangles: The Man Behind the Answer

While most people believe Mr. Bojangles is simply the answer to a question we don't know, the fact remains that there was a man named Mr. Bojangles, (Note: this Mr. Bojangles is where the question-answering alternative comes from) who led a short yet thrilling life.

edit Early Life

Mr. Bojangles. Full name: Mr. Bojangles. Born in: France, 1834.

Mr. boj
A rough sketch of what Mr. Bojangles may have looked like
Bojanglesmother
A 1820's portrait of Mr. Bojangles's mother, Marie Lampbum Hosig

When Marie L. Hosig had Greg (as he was named before), he came out of her uterus so rapidly that it almost exploded. Once out, he began the process of signing several papers in order to legally change his name to Mr. Bojangles. After a couple of minutes of being held by his mother he signed several other forms to legally allow him to skip his early years, preteen, and teenage years in order to go straight on to being 20.

edit First and Second Career

Being extremely good at licking things, Mr. Bojangles pursued the luxurious career of organized crime in 1835. Typically hanging around the ‘bad’ parts of town, he would often use a technique to steal gold earrings, called: ‘The Freezing Arrow Frog’. The technique included him putting a freezing solution on his tongue, reaching his tongue out to simultaneously take hold of the earring and apply the freezing solution to the ear. Once the innocent ear could feel no pain, he would rip out the earring with his long muscular tongue, and bring it back to his secret alleyway. The successfulness of his career was however, limited, for three reasons:

1. It was not often that someone with flashy gold earrings would just waltz in to the bad parts of town

2. His rival in crime, The Sneezer would often steel any earrings before he could

3. The victim would often see a large tongue come up two their ear and run away before he had time to freeze the ear and steal the earring.

He led a hard life living in the mean streets of France. Mr. Bojangles eventually became so fed up of The Sneezer, that he challenged him to a duel to end it all. Unfortunately, The Sneezer did not show up, for he was at home, sick with a cold. Mr. Bojangles never worked up the courage to challenge him again, after that encounter...well umm...decounter...anticounter? He quit the life of crime in 1838 and decided to work behind a counter at Ye Olde But Not Quite Too Old Burger King.

edit Pirate Life

After three years of making Ye Olde But Quite Not Too Old burgers and fries for Ye Olde But Not QuiteToo Old Burger King, he
Pirateship
Mr. Bojangles's wonder of a pirate ship

quit the Ye Olde But Not Quite Too Old Burger King business and joined the Ye Olde But Not Qu...*Ahem*...After quitting his job at that place, he went on to join the afternoon sailors club for fun. It was only a matter of time before he had the urge to sail the open seas and look for the much sought after, merman. In short, he threw away his old life and became a swashbuckling pirate in 1845. He searched for many years for the elusive merman, and began to lose hope in 1790. He spirits were greatly lifted when he found out that he had inadvertently traveled through time, but eventually lost hope once again after he traveled to 1997 and searched until 2000. One summer afternoon in 2000 while he was swashing his belt buckle through the water idly, he noticed something in the water, out of the corner of his eye, and dyed several minutes later at the age of 39.

edit Death

The reason for his death? No one’s quite sure. Here are some crackpot theories based on wild speculation and bathroom gossip though: [1]

• He saw a merman and had a heart attack

• He saw a merman, did a back flip and was so surprised at what he accomplished, he threw himself into the water and drowned.

• An attack similar to 9/11 occurred to his ship, but with a hot air balloon.

• God was angry at him for traveling through time so he smited him. However God was still very angry, so he created World War 8 in 2008 to let off some steam.

Mr. Bojangles really didn't die. He lives on to this day as Chuck Norris.

edit His legacy lives on

Mr. Bojangles was the only man to have ever traveled through time. Scientist Gooden Harklov believed that if you travel through time you can discover the answer to everything, and therefore stated that if the answer to a question was not known, the answer would be the man who could have found it; Mr. Bojangles.

Womancartoon
A 1840's portrait of Mr. Bojangles's wife, Martha P. Bojangles


edit Interesting Facts

• Mr. Bojangles was only ‘Greg’ for four minutes and thirty-two seconds

• His rival, The Sneezer, often had a dry cough, since the word sneeze had not been invented yet

• Mr. Bojangles once saw some of those baggy pants that were huge, and he knew it was a violin (at the request of Arnold Schoenberg he learned at an early age to distinguish the sounds of violins from those of violas, cellos, and Renaissance viols), so he answered the telephone, and when he answered somebody was on the other end asking him please, it was trees.

• For a brief moment he traveled forward in time, appeared in Hitler’s room for three seconds and inadvertently inspired Hitler. Hitler believed it was a message from God to tell him to go ahead with his plan to finally eradicate all the weeds from the front lawn

• When Mr. Bojangles left France his wife, Martha P. Bojangles, attempted to follow him across the ocean in a small paper boat

• but it still is the right answer

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