Moxie
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“Knob Goblins fear my moxie”
Moxie is the worst drink ever made, and a cheap rip-off of cough syrup and Lysol.
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[edit] History
In 1957, The MmmmMoxie Corporation received an influx of cash from the Russian Mafia. At that point, they had no real business, and were acting as a shell-company for Exxon Oil. With this new influx of cash, the owners of MmmmMoxie decided to open a real business.
Having access to vast quantities of crude, and a great deal of cash, they hit upon a brilliant plan - break into the exploding soda market. Using their piles of soft, silky cash to hire Clinjas, the owners quickly got their hands on the secret formulas for both Pepsi and Coke. They hired several alchemists from Europe and South America and combined their crude with the best elements of each company's formula.
Thus in early 1961, Moxie was born.
[edit] Beverage
Moxie is a unique beverage. It is made of 1% Birch Beer and 99% turpentine. It is advertised as a cure for every disease known to man. This includes loss of manhood, paralysis, console fanboyism, and softening of the brain.
The taste is universally described as "horrible", and a common reaction is "what the fuck was that?"
Given the rather, uh... unusual characteristics of this substance, most retailers were hesitant to become early adopters of the product line - only the most stubborn among them would therefore be the ones to ask "You got Moxie?"
[edit] Drinkers
Moxie is only drank by those without the sense of taste, Mainers, and the mentally retarded. Anyone else who attempts to do so will become at least two of the three or at least catatonic.
It should be noted that Chad Warden, former video blogger and Playstation 3 advocate was an avid drinker of Moxie and enthusiastically drank at least a 6 pack a day. It is speculated that he may release videos supporting Moxie as the premier soft-drink rather than Playstation 3 as the premier console.
