Royal Canadian Mounted Police

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“The only reason we want to separate from Canada.”

~ any Quebecers on Mounties

“"We Canadians admire them because they are as powerful as Vikings when it comes to catching the bad guy. So if you're a bad guy you're probably already dead."”

~ Q

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police', RCMP, or Mount-Me have dedicated themselves to the protection of five things (those things being hockey, "chesterfields", women tied to railroads, the Canadian flag, and ketchup chips).

Not to be confused with the Registered Collectors for the Mafia in Parliament, also know as the RCMP.

The RCMP are basically the closest thing Canada has to an actual army, and you have to forgive most of them for not really doing anything. It's boring as hell in Canada, no matter how many times you play computer solitaire. RCMP therefore most often means Refill Coffee Mug, Please.

The history of the RCMP goes back to when the French first colonized Canada at some point in the distant past. One of the crew on board at the discovery of this new land tried to relieve himself on a tree, only to be faced with a giant horse and a barrelchested young man eloquently requesting that he not urinate on the tree, for it would set off Ph (pH in proper chemistry talk in certain offshoots of this universe) levels and eventually kill the tree. This man was Chip Stanbruck of Newfoundland, father of Kevin kerrigan who was born nearly 8 decades after this event had occurred, amazingly making him, technically, the first "mounty".

The RCMP uses an advanced version of the Polar Bear Launcher 1111. This weapon is only available in Canada because its the only place you can actually find ammo.

As of 2007, the Mounties primary mode of transportation is a horse. Their primary weapon is a 18th century smoothbore musket.

Stanbruck only exibited one of the powers bestowed to humanity through affiliation with the RCMP. (Those being time travel, rugged 5 o'clock shadow, and the proper use of 'eh?')

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

Mounties are prepared for anything...

[edit] The Mounties in the community

Traditionaly the Mounties carefully choose the victims of "accidents" and other language abuses. Among their favourite victims:

• The Students.
• The Americans.
• People named Bush.
• The shy people.
• The Quebecers.
• The honest people.
• The reporters.
• The elderly people.
• The First Nations people.
• The bald people.
• Canadian labour unions members.
• People who smile.
• The Canadians.

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Canada, eh?

Home of the CBC, bacon, beer, Rodney McKay, cougars, killer moose, Mounties, colour, FLQ, hockey, silly football, Ice bowling, Peter North, Prime Ministers, Poutine, Studebaker Lark, Timmies, Trailer Park Boys, and people who, like, live in igloos, eh?, Caribou, ultimate Canadian power, We stand on guard for thee.

Alaska • Aquadia • Atlantis • Avril • British California • Cape Breton • Delta • Deadmonton • Florida • Jewkon • Manisnowba • Marvin Van Buren • Some Parts of Michigan • Montreal • New/Nouveau Brunswick • New Finland • New Scotland • Northworst Territories • Celine Dion • NunavOOt • Ontariariario • Outerspace • Province of New England • Québec (Quebec) • Regina • Rupert's Land • St. Pierre and Miquelon• The Province Formerly Known As Sasquatchewan • Sasquatchatoon • Saudi Oilberta • Surrey • Vancouver