Mother Earth (Within Temptation album)

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Mother Dirt

Strategic and hip re-design of the artwork for the 'Mother Dirt' album cover

Mother Dirt (or Mother Earth as the censored version is known) is the third studio effort by Romanesque-metal band Within Temptation. It was a while in the making but thankfully the end result is once again not even respectable.

edit Inspiration

When the Enter My Privates tour was finally over and done with, lead singer Sharon den Straddle planned on dismembering the band, starting with its head, Robert Chesty Hoe. Unfortunately, before the dismembering process could commence, one of the band members suggested they all go to Geraldine's Coffee Shop for soup and tea. On the way to the coffee shop the band witnessed, to their horror, an old woman rudely shitting into a plastic bag down a nearby alleyway. It was the inspiration they had been hoping for.

edit Making the Album

The sheer barbarity of what they had witnessed prompted Robert to write songs that were barbaric and turd-related in their own right. The title for their first major studio album, Mother Dirt, was penned out of the blue by Sharon in the late stages of production. It is still a mystery where this stroke of genius came from as Sharon was not known at the time for being that intelligent. Some still say she just stuck two random words together but the majority are generally more optimistic, for someday the fate of existence may lie in her semen-bedraggled hands.

edit The Final Product

All fifty of Within Temptation's fans praised Mother Dirt as being the band's best and most ambitious masterpiece yet. While the other two masterpieces are considered meh in general, this masterpiece is the one that kicks the shit out of all granny-related pieces before it. Not only does the band once again fuse its Romanesque roots with old-school hip-hop beats, but a Celtic influence can also be heard doing the diddly-eye from track to track.

The album's main producer, Pat Kenny, explains:

"The success of this album was all down to me, really, and what an insufferable arsehole I am. I am a piece of shit."

Mother Dirt went on to sell more than both their last masterpieces combined, primarily because most people thought it was a pornographic audio book. While it did have certain elements of that genre it did not satisfy about three fourths of its consumers, and as a result the album is now out of print. Nevertheless it remains a cult classic, and since the experience of listening to the album is the same as that of seeing an old woman shitting into a plastic bag, it is commonly recommended as an alternative by Sharon herself.

edit Tracklist

  • 1. Mother Dirt
  • 2. Ice Cream
  • 3. Our Hair Gel
  • 4. Boxed
  • 5. The Promise
  • 6. Never Been So Horny
  • 7. Deceive Her You Fool
  • 8. Middle (too late to be the intro)
  • 9. Batwings
  • 10. Imperfect Armory
  • 11. Breastless
  • 12. Enter My Privates (Again)
  • 13. Meryl Streep

edit See Also

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