Moondog

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Moondog

Moondog at age 5.

“I learned everything I know from that Viking guy.”
~ Dr. Dre on Moondog
“I thought I was a poet.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Moondog
“You be done with quotes on me.”
~ Moondog on the above quotes

Moondog "The Viking of 6th Avenue" or "The God of Outsider Music No One Listens To" (1916-1999) was a viking, musician, part-time hobo, and blind person. He is best known for his thirty years of "working the streets" of New York City, his love of triangles and his obscurity.

Early Life

Born in Kansas to Minnesota Vikings and taught the typical dogma of Creationism and Flying Spaghetti Monster worship, he instantly proved his musical ability when he built his first drum kit. Cardboard was what he made it out of, incase your wondering. Beating randomly on drums became a persistent little bugger, I mean element of style throughout his life.

When he was five, his family went to Wyoming (bringing the total population of Wyoming to 3). Once there he attended a pow-wow. After which he became an American Indian facinated Viking and carried a weird Buffalo hide thingy around with him to play music. He must have done something stupid after that involving dynamite, because at age 16 he went blind in a dynamite cap accident.

Picking Up Music

Odin-wanderer

Odin and Moondog are identical in facial construction. This photo of Odin, circa 1200, is evidence that they look the same; thus, they can only be the same.

Taking his longboat to sail the vast ocean of the Great Plains, he personally lead the sacking and ruthless pillaging of several schools for the blind. In these battles it was revealed to him that he was an incarnation of Odin, the (blind or partially blind) Viking god of rage and wisdom, through a dream. In this dream he was also told to keep alive anyone that could teach him music. Music was all part of his divine mission. He would learn from these tutors and self teach himself music so he could reach his goal as laid before him, for his divine mission would use music to unite the Indians under the Viking clan flag.

Expansion of Musical Style

In the late 1940s Moondog moved to New York, New York. It was here that he haunted the corner of 53rd Street and 6th Avenue playing his rhythmic tribal music. It was here where he lived as a part-time hobo and began to incorporate urban elements into his style. His early work included "Snake River Beat". This song lead to the beginning of the assimilation of Indians (rather forcibly) into Viking culture (see slavery).

Around this time he began to notice the hypnotic sounds of the city (fog horns, stray cats, crying children, car accidents, rape victims screaming, etc.) that he would incorporate into his music. This music is either highly acclaimed by all of its three listeners or highly acclaimed but distressing enough to those that don't get it that they riot and get violent. He added his traditional Viking/Indian drum beating to produce what he called "snaketime".

He had at least one daughter who was conceived during a "slithery rhythm, in times that was not quite ordinary" session with his wife. This daughter sang inside of cannons with live rounds also inside the cannon for his second album. Later he would make use of his own inventions instead of the traditional instruments of Renaissance weaponry.

Later Life

In 1974 Moondog moved to Germany. As a Norse god he understood and spoke the German Language (despite it being extremely complicated) perfectly. In Germany, he gathered chiefs together under his banner. This required far less than he anticipated and after a peyote toke (that he did participate in but used a look-alike) all the chiefs peacefully joined his clan.

Here he also wrote a little poetry, the album, Moondog in Germany (creative!), and used the forces of the Indians/Vikings to pillage an English monestery.

Immediately after that event, he wrote his holy book, Moondog's Miracles in Germany, the Holy Land with the Holy River, and recorded three more albums. He them moved to Münster, Germany (populated entirely of cheese farmers) and won many (3) converts. This converts (who are different than the 3 fans) saw him ascend to Asgard. They swear he left no mortal remains when he ascended in 1999 and have built a large shrine to him.

Invented Instruments

Hüs: Some type of triangle played with a bow. It was modelled to sound a rape victim screaming.

Trimba: A triangle percussion instrument that sounds like and axe thudding into a baby's scalp when played. This was the intentional sound. This original is still played by Swedish Viking, Stefan Lakatos, whom also was given the method on how to build them.

Oo: A triangular harp type thing.

Ooo-ya-tsu: Another triangle shaped harp (he was a fan of triangles in case you haven't noticed).

Influence

VikingSkull

Even some biker gangs have used Moondog as a template for a tattoo.

Moondog's influence on Avant-garde (French for Bullshit) is unparalleled. His many hit singles ("Viking 1", "Viking 2", "Be A Hobo", "Cherokee Nation", and "Shakesphere City" have been sent as probes through deep space, inspired an innumerable (3) number of fans to jump trains and be homeless, mislead, I mean, taught the children of the Cherokee that someday they will be free from white man, and brought a interest in Shakespeare and Jazz in countless (3) fans.

Also it should be noted, a dead skull form of him is available as a tattoo and his face is instantly recognisable because he has become the stereotypical Viking in modern culture. He inspired Monty Python's reoccurring Viking character, and he wrote all of these songs while being fucking blind. His influence can be seen in Animal Collective, math rock, random noise, and other things composed by bands and people who have never heard of him. You should listen to him now or worship him or something.

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