The Big Whoop Wonderland
Visit Big Whoop for an eternity of pain and torment (I mean fun and laughter). If you're a pirate with a sturdy skeletal structure and a
Stan's previously owned iPods
The best iPod shop in this side of the Caribbean, located on Jobs Island! Be the one millionth visitor in my shop, win a Dinghy Dog™ autograph and an iPod Video 60gb signed by the very guy who killed LeChuck! Buy or sell, brand new or second hand, be it Nano, Yotta, Yocto, Mini, Macro, Mono or Floppy - all colors and sizes are accepted! Visa, MasterCard and American Express accepted if you have a temporary library card to show for.
Monkey Island can refer to either the game series Monkey Island or the actual island Monkey Island (which notoriouly took dying and any challenge out of adventure games, thus killing the genre. Wait, Loom did it earlier.)
It's popular for being very true to how life was back in the Caribbean in 1770's, for its realism and for its lack of anachronisms that otherwise clutter such games.
|Release date(s)|| The Secret of Monkey Island: |
|Genre||Point-and-click, adventure game|
|Mode(s)||Dead or alive|
|Platform(s)||PC Windows©, PlayStation 2™ and Macintosh™|
|Media||Floppy and CD|
|System requirements||Pirate hat, hook for hand, sword, a PC, Macintosh or Playstation 2, extreme sarcasm|
Monkey Island: The islandEdit
“I had a feeling that in Hell there would be mushrooms...”
Monkey Island is an island located at 0 degrees latitude and 0 degrees longitude. It is the residence of Herman Toothrot and the vegetarian cannibal natives, and contains the entrance to Hell. A little known fact is that Monkey Island is the exact same island that the survivors of Oceanic 815 crashed on in Lost only set about 370 years later, and the show itself contains tons of evidence that it actually takes place on Monkey Island. For instance, the stranded Black Rock ship visited by the "Losties" in season 1 is the very ship that Guybrush Threepwood shipwrecked with in the first game, and the "natives" are descendants of the vegetarian cannibals. Furthermore, the ominous character Charles Widmore will in the last season be revealed to be the ultimate manifestation of LeChuck, since "Chuck" usually stands for "Charles" and he already used a Charles alias in the fourth game. His plan is to get back to the island and zombify everyone there and start a new reign terror in the present with a new army of the undead. Monkey Island is commonly mistaken for one of the Azores, Atlantis, or Superman's Fortress of Solitude. It has many neighboring islands, including Mêlée Island, Blood Island, Phatt Island, Kinky Island and Scabb Island and a few other islands.
Monkey Island is also the sometime-residence of the ghost pirate LeChuck, archenemy of Guybrush Threepwood. LeChuck incidentally was a longtime friend of One-Eyed Willy, and the two exchanged pen pal letters for years before their respective deaths.
The Disney movie series Pirates of the Caribbean is thought by many to be in turn inspired by the games of Lucas's company. Specifically, Captain Le Chuck as the inspiration for Hector Barbossa just as Cthulhu is the inspiration for Davy Jones. Le Chuck referred Uncyclopedia to his agent, the Voodoo Lady. When asked to comment on the use of Monkey Island references in the Disney movies, Monkey Island's Voodoo Lady gave some really good financial advice, and then refused to repeat it. Le Chuck became an undead pirate demon after losing to a grue in insult sword fighting, after which his remains was reanimated and brought back to life by a band of voodoo priests to combat the menace of the grues, a plan gone awry as LeChuck turned out to become even worse than any grue in his restless afterlife.
Entertainment in Monkey IslandEdit
If you ever stumble over Monkey Island, you should watch out for the "Monkey Revyen" or "the Monkey Show" in English. This is one of the inhabitants most sacred seremony. If you come to watch it, you might find your eyes bleeding and/or possibly sitting limply as if dead in your chair. Other forms of entertainment on Monkey Island may exist, but most sources on the island have either been turned into zombies or mashed into a local christmas dinner, "svineribbe" and eaten by the terrible Grues.
Economy and AgricultureEdit
The only tourist shop on Monkey Island is located in the native village, and the only thing it sells is root beer. This root beer, however, is the finest in the world and has well-known uses against the undead. The root beer was discovered to the Americas by the Ghostbusters in 1983, and this made it possible for them to begin their fight against the supernatural in New York City in 1984, after much inventiveness on the parts of Dr. Egon Spengler and Dr. Raymond Stanz. Spengler and Stanz patented their inventions under U.S. patents #6055910, #6557994, and #2929459, with the condition that royalties be paid to the natives for each movie made using the inventions.
Monkey Island has been the residence of the vegetarian cannibals for many ages, but it was discovered to the white man by an unnamed ship captain and his first mate, Herman Toothrot. Herman was trying to make everlasting gobstoppers from a recipe sold to him by Hulk Hogan who claimed it was a treasure map. The brew caused the captain and Toothrot to pass out. When they awoke, Monkey Island was out the ship's window. They took a rowboat to the island.
The captain was killed in an accident while trying to hang a swing, and Herman, not being able to single-handedly crew the ship, trained a group of the island's monkeys to sail the ship back to Melee Island to get a rescue party. Herman was thus left on the island. Smart guy.
Monkey Island: The game seriesEdit
“Wow, I really busted the treasure of Big Boob this time. Do you get it? B U S Ted?”
So far, four Monkey Island games have been released, The Secret of Monkey Island, LeChuck's Revenge, The Curse of Monkey Island and Escape from Monkey Island. A fifth game will be released in 2011, called Lost on Monkey Island: The Wrath of George Lucas based on a certain TV series, and will also feature George Lucas as the antepenultimate incarnation of LeChuck. It will gap the bridge between the game series and the contemporary TV series Lost. Gawd, publishing episodic Tales of Monkey Island killed that joke. Bad, bad Telltale Games. Here follows extensive summaries on each of the four thus far released games. The main character of the series is Guybrush Threepwood, acted by Orlando Bloom. The following are the actors who played the main characters in the game series (you didn't think they just drew the characters pixel by pixel, did you?):
THE OFFICIAL MONKEY ISLAND CAST LIST
|Guybrush Threepwood||Orlando Bloom|
|Erlaine Marley||Keira Knightley|
|Captain LeChuck||Geoffrey Rush (George Lucas in the forthcoming fifth and last game)|
|Voodoo Lady||Les McQueen|
|Ozzie Mandrill||Fred Phelps|
|Herman Toothrot||Michael Caine|
|Largo LaGrue||Michael Wincott|
|Wally B. Feed||Shia LaBeouf|
|Murray the Demonic Talking Skull||James Earl Jones|
|Various monkeys (voice)||George W. Bush|
Game I: The Secret of Monkey IslandEdit
This first game starts out on the island called Mêlée Island, a dark and desolate place on which grues and pirates are the dominating lifeforms, since the grues have eaten most other animal and human life on it, excluding pirates and a few guard dogs. Guybrush Threepwood starts out a camp fire in a conversation with a blind old man, where he describes his aspirations to become one of the greatest pirates in the entire Caribbean sea. (I pretty much falled asleep, after such boring hook. God, where were Sariens or even witch Hagatha?) From here he must gather a crew to sail off to Monkey Island in search for its "secret", which may or may not be a treasure. Amongst other things, he must partake in the national sport of the Caribbean of the 17th century, namely insult sword fighting, a game where the prize is your life and your loss means the loss of your life. Since the entire island for some reason is clouded by eternal shadows and no daylight exist, the entire island is heavily infested with grues, a dangerous species that thrives in the never-ending darkness. His only hope is to learn how to combine sword fighting with extreme sarcasm; used in conjunction, those two components become insult sword fighting. Guybrush ends up in a star-crossed romance with the island's governor, a young and attractive femme fatale named Elaine Marley, who is a governor only because she happens to be one of the few non-pirates left on the island NOT eaten by a grue (as we all know, 18 year old girls don't run for governor in real life).
He eventually escapes the island (did you know that steering ship consists puting everything in soup pot? Try everything on everything i say.) and ends up stranded on Monkey Island, which has no grues but instead lots and lots of monkeys, hence the name. With the help of the aforementioned eccentric hermit Herman Toothrot, a group of cannibals (before their conversion to vegetarianism) and a few monkeys including one that is three-headed, he escapes Monkey Island only to once again end up on Mêlée Island at the mercy of LeChuck and his band of grues. With a combination of extreme sarcasm and root beer, Guybrush defeats his foes and gets the girl, just like any Hollywood
film game directed by George Lucas.
Game II: LeChuck's RevengeEdit
...or so we thought.
In the second MI game, Guybrush Threepwood finds himself on yet another island, Scabb Island, that is cast in eternal darkness (strangely enough, the rest of the world is experiencing the very opposite, having daylight that never seems to end). Thankfully, despite its everlasting darkness, this island has only one grue, Largo LaGrue, a former servant of the Dark Lord LeChuck. LaGrue has managed to single-handedly put an embargo on the island by bullying around half of the island's inhabitants and eating the other half. Guybrush manage to create a voodoo doll of LaGrue (which looks like this: ) and then uses needles and soft cushions on it, forcing LaGrue into hiding in a gloomy cave of utter darkness in the island's swamp, from whence he once came.
Booty Island and Phatt IslandEdit
After dispatching of LaGrue, Guybrush travels to the neighboring islands Phatt Island and Booty Island. Phatt Island is a twisted dictatorship ruled by Jabba the Hutt, a severely obese slug who spends all days lying in his bed eating fast food and contemplating the outrageously bad payment he gets by George Lucas for an assignment as elevated as governor, or so he says. Apparently LeChuck has put a bounty on Guybrush's head, a bounty that he had intends to collect. The Hutt orders his minion, a muscular guard, to hold him until LeChuck arrives. I was really disappointed about that. Shit, LaGrue was much more intriguing villain. He threatens that if Guybrush does not behave, he will be ordered a pizza (and the pizza's are GROSS on Phatt Island). Despite its problem with obesity and unhealthy food, Phatt Island does have a library, the only one in the entire Caribbean of late 17th century. The other island, Booty Island, is ruled by Elaine Marley from the first game, despite the fact that she is far too young to be a governor. Unlike Phatt Island, which has fast food, junk food, even faster food and a library, and Scabb Island which nothing but darkness and no animal life except for a single grue, Booty Island is something of a local shopping center, complete with its Walmart, IKEA, dollar store and a Virgin Megastore.
The quest for Big BoobEdit
Guybrush comes up with this kick-ass idea that he should get some lost treasure map (which, sadly, has been split into four parts and ended somewhere on the three islands, Scabb, Phatt and Booty). Obviously, this fabled map should lead him to a great treasure known as Big Boob (not to be confused with Big Whoop Wonderland, which is something entirely different) on Kinky Island. While he doesn't need to fight in any insult sword fighting, he does get to compete with a fat old ex-hippie about who can take as many hallucinogenic drugs as possibly without losing his mind. However, Guybrush solves this be replacing the LSD with sugar, laughing manically in the face of the ex-hippie as he takes a lethal overdose and dies in heavy spasms before Guybrush's very eyes.
Eventually he gathers all the four pieces together and is at this point abducted by LeChuck, who taunts Guybrush about the unspeakable horrors he has in store for him, pointing out that Guybrush only destroyed his spiritual essence and not his body, which has now recovered from its literally gruesome end. Guybrush manage to flee by accidentally detonating an atomic bomb in an attempt to imitate Goofy, thusly being blown all the way to Kinky Island, where he unearths what should be Big Boob, only to find... nothing. Absolutely nothing. Except for another incarnation of LeChuck of course (who else did you expect, Santa Claus?). The two now has a light saber battle where LeChuck mocks Guybrush, claiming to be his mother:
LC: Guybrush, Herman Toothrot never augured thee what faith didst befell thine forebears.
GT: He didst augur me enough - he augured me how thou slained them!
LC: (*Takes off mask*) Nay, *I* be thy mother!
GT: Nay, tis' unthinkable!
LC: Search thy sentiments, Guybrush. Thou knowest it to be rigorous!
LC: Join me, and together we may reign over the Caribbean as mother and son.
GT: Nay I say, thou fiend, I shan't join thee!
LC: Thy destiny lies with me. Herman Toothrot fathomed this to be rigorous.
At this point, things gets even more surreal as LeChuck picks up a voodoo book and puts a spell on Guybrush, leading him to falsely believe that he has been nothing more than an actor in the film "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl", and that all the islands and all its inhabitants had been nothing but a gigantic backlot in a Hollywood studio and that Disney Corporation owns him a shitload of money for pain and suffering beyond human understanding. He further taunts Guybrush, telling him that Elaine Marley has been lying all along, and that her real name is Keira Knightly and that LeChuck's real name is Geoffrey Rush. At his point, the game crashes from confusion in a fatal Blue Screen of Death, forcing the player to restart the game.
THE VERY CONFUSING END...
Game III: The Curse of Monkey IslandEdit
After the apparent crash at the end of the last game, Guybrush finds himself lost at sea, at the mercy of sharks and vultures. It appears that the "Blue Screen of Death" which had ended the last game wasn't a blue screen after all, but a huge tidal wave of deep blue water carrying debris that could be mistaken for the gibberish that may be found on a blue screen. It only looked like a Blue Screen of Death on the surface. The tidal wave grabbed Guybrush and swept him away into the open sea, where he begins his new adventure.
The finding of the One RingEdit
Guybrush eventually makes it on board a ship passing by, believing himself to be rescued. To his surprise, however, he discovers that the captain of the ship is... well, who else did you expect? LeChuck captures Guybrush and throws him into the cargo room with no apparent hope of escaping. After a brief chat with the game's true hero, the talking skull Murray, Guybrush finds a ring with strange markings. It turns out to be the One Ring, a relic of terrible power. The One Ring proves to be powerful enough to cut a hole through a glass window in the cargo room, flooding the ship water. Using a man-size rubber duck, Guybrush manage to make it upwards, onto the ship's main deck. There he once again encounters the villain LeChuck, who turns his attention to Guybrush, vowing to finish him once and for all. In a desperate attempt to defend himself, Guybrush uses the One Ring's inherent power to manipulate matter and energy and causes a subatomic breakdown that apparently kills LeChuck, or so it seems at a first glance.
However, as Guybrush later finds out, the man he had killed was actually Geoffrey Rush, the actor whom LucasArts had hired to play LeChuck for a decent salary, not LeChuck himself in the strictest sense of the word (if we were to go down to semantics, but there's no time for that). It seems that the true core of the base evil that is LeChuck now extends beyond the actor who plays him and into the metaphysical, kind of like Freddy Krueger in "New Nightmare". Does that make sense? Probably not. Ummmmhhhh, but enough of that. After the nuclear breakdown which had also caused to the ship to sink, Guybrush is washed away to the shore of a new island, Plunder Island. Coincidently, his love interest Elaine Marley, still too young to be a governor, has been on the island for some time. Guybrush encounters her on the shore he is washed up to. She quickly notices the golden ring hanging in its chain around Guybrush's neck. She begins to covet it, claiming that "it's my birthday, and I want it".
Elaine grabs the Ring, naming it "My Preciouss". Then something happens - she is immediately turned into gold! It turns out that the Ring was cursed, and the only way to lift the curse is to go to Blood Island and throw it into the fires of Mount Blood, the very volcano in which the Ring was once forged by the Dark Lord Sauron himself. However, getting there will not be an easy thing, which seems like a good cutoff point. Everyone who thinks that is lame plot, don't read any further.
The quest for Mount Blood and Russian insultsEdit
Guybrush's first task is to found a way to get to Blood Island so that he may lift the curse. To this end, he buys himself a sea-faring vessel called "Fellowship". Of course, he can't sail it all by himself, so he'll need a crew. He manage to find three volunteers: Cutthroat Bill, a dwarf who is magnetically attracted to gold teeth (despite the physical fact that gold isn't magnetic), Edward Van Helsing, rock-star and vampire slayer, and the Scotsman Haggis McMutton, known for his ability to imitate the voice of Scrooge McDuck with an uncanny precision. After some persuasion, they agree to follow him on his quest. However, Guybrush's map to the island gets stolen by a Russian mercenary, and so has to engage in a new form of insult sword fighting, namely Russian sword fighting. The catch is that the reply must be not only fit in as a valid counter-phrase for the insult, but also must be told in Soviet Russian style.
- Insult: Every enemy I have met, I've annihilated!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, every enemy annihilates YOU!!
- Insult: You're as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, Monkey in negligee repulses YOU!!
- Insult: Killing you would be justifiable homicide!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, justifiable homicide kills YOU!!
- Insult: You're the ugliest monster ever created!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, ugly monster creates YOU!!
- Insult: I'll skewer you like a sow at a buffet!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, sow skewers buffet at YOU!!
- Insult: When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless fillet.
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, boneless fillets are done with YOU!!
- Insult: Would you like to be buried, or cremated?
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, crematorium likes to bury YOU!!
- Insult: Coming face to face with me must leave you petrified!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, coming face to face with me petrifies YOU!!
- Insult: When your father first saw you, he must have been mortified!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, your father mortifies YOU!!
- Insult: You can't match my witty repartee!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, witty repartee matches YOU!!
- Insult: I have never seen such clumsy swordplay!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, clumsy swordplay have never seen YOU!!
- Insult: En Garde! Touché!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, the guard touches YOU!!
- Insult: Throughout the Caribbean, my great deeds are celebrated!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, greets deeds celebrates YOU!!
- Insult: I can't rest 'til' you've been exterminated!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, rest exterminates YOU!!
- Insult: I'll leave you devastated, mutilated, and perforated!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, aggravation, agitation and infuriation leaves YOU!!
- Insult: Heaven preserve me! You look like something that's died!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, something that's died preserves YOU!!
- Insult: I'll hound you night and day!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, night and day hounds YOU!!
- Insult: My attacks have left entire islands depopulated!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, depopulated islands attacks YOU!!
- Insult: You have the sex appeal of a shar-pei!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, sexy shar-pei appeals to YOU!!
- Insult: *When I'm done, your body will be rotted and putrefied!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, your body rots and putrefies YOU!!
- Insult: Your looks would make pigs nauseated!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, nauseated pigs looks like YOU!!
- Insult: Your lips look like they belong on the catch of the day!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, the catch of the day belongs to YOU!!
- Insult: When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless fillet.
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, boneless fillet are done with YOU!!
- Insult: I give you a choice. You can be gutted, or decapitated!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, gutting and decapitation chooses YOU!!
- Insult: Never before have I faced someone so sissified!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, someone sissified have faced YOU!!
- Insult: You're a disgrace to your species, you're so undignified!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, your species disgraces and undignifies YOU!!
- Insult: Nothing can stop me from blowing you away!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, stop blows away YOU!!
- Insult: I have never lost a melee!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, melee have lost YOU!!
- Insult: Your mother wears a toupee!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, toupee wears YOU!!
- Insult: My skills with a sword are highly venerated!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, sword skills venerates YOU!!
- Insult: Your stench would make an outhouse cleaner irritated!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, stenching outhouse cleaner irritates YOU!!
- Insult: I can't tell which of my traits have you the most intimidated!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, my traits intimidates YOU!!
- Insult: Nothing on this earth can save your sorry hide!
- Answer: In Soviet Russia, this earth hides YOU!!
- Insult: You'll find I'm dogged and relentless to my prey!
- Answer: Does anybody know if Ricky Martin is gay?
Eventually he prevails against the Russian mercenary and gets his map back. Once on Blood Island, the ship capsizes, leaving Guybrush and his crew trapped on the island until the Fellowship can be fixed. He checks into the local hotel called Cirith Ungol, the local hotel on Blood Island and one of the few hotels in the Caribbean in this era, and attempts to blend in with the orc-like family that has been running it since its construction. From them he learns that the volcano is now abandoned, and only "guarded" by the very same cannibals he ran into at Monkey Island, except that this time, they have since become vegetarians and are thus relatively harmless. Guybrush uses a lubricant to exchange to the One Ring on Elaine's hand with a worthless, half-penny toy replicate of a gold ring in order to get the One Ring. By posing as one of the cannibals, he then manage to sneak up the volcano and gets close enough to throw the Ring into the fires of Mount Blood, destroying it and also Sauron in the process. Thus is the curse lifted and Elaine returns to normal, although no longer worth her weight in gold.
THE HAPPY ENDING...
Back on Monkey IslandEdit
...or so we were supposed to believe. Right as things were seemingly turning back to normal and Elaine's curse was broken, that vile mofo LeChuck returns from limbo (that son of a bitch just refuses to stay dead after you kill him...) and captures both Elaine and Guybrush and then brings them to his hellish amusement park on Monkey Island, one that makes Holocaust Tycoon seems like amateur nights in comparisons. He tries to force Elaine to marry him while putting another spell on Guybrush, causing him to become five years old, at least physically. Guybrush manages to restore himself, and then has to flee into LeChuck's subterranean rollercoaster tunnels, where LeChuck keeps teleporting around, trying to kill him. However, Guybrush manage to freeze LeChuck into a solid block of carbonite by causing a massive avalanche of solid carbon dioxide (known as "dry ice) to fall down on him. He turns over the carbonite block to Jabba the Hutt from Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge, who pays him a good amount of money for his new home decoration. Obviously LeChuck will have to spend an eternity on Phatt Island as a statue in the obese governor's mansion. But of course, LeChuck will always be back, in one way or another. The third game ends with Guybrush and Elaine getting married, a really cheese way of ending that would appeal only to Danielle Steel and no one else. Of course, LeChuck is only frozen in carbonite and not dead in a technical sense, so evil is not dead, even if Sauron was destroyed during the course of the game.
THE AMBIGUOUSLY HAPPY (IN A DANIELLE STEEL-KIND OF WAY) ENDING
Game IV: Escape from Monkey IslandEdit
After the really cheesy ending of the third game, Guybrush and Elaine returns from some weird sojourn to a moon made out of honey, however that makes sense. However, their ship gets bordered by Corsairs of Umbar angry with the unexpected downfall of their lord Sauron in the previous game. While Elaine is fighting for her life, that sissy Guybrush manage to salvage the situation by doing absolutely nothing, thus causing the Corsairs to die out of boredom. They return from that unspecific astral body only referred to as Honeymoon to Mêlée Island, which is as usual exactly ALWAYS covered in darkness for some reason. Thankfully, the horrid grues are nowhere to be found, having all been killed off by xenomorphs since the first game.
Back to Mêlée IslandEdit
Once back on Mêlée Island they discover that Elaine has been declared dead by the FBI and her governorship is now being sold out on eBay to the highest bidder. The auction is due to end within two weeks. However, she does not have enough money to buy it back herself. They discover that the current highest bidder is an individual called Charles L. Charles, a mysterious individual with ridiciously silly and queery mannerisms. They also discover that some peon with zero engineering skills is trying to raze her house to the ground by using a Radioactive Zombie Badger Launcher and missing every time. Guybrush manage to turn the weapon against itself by hacking its navigational system with his H.P. Jornada 520 pocket PC, thus making the device asplode. Once they get inside the mansion, Charles L. Charles appears and reveals himself to be the mandatory LeChuck, who was rescued from his deplorable state as a carbonite statue by some sinister Australian business man called Ozzie Mandrill (acted by Fred Phelps) between the 3rd and the 4th game. Ozzie Mandrill himself also appears, mocking Guybrush by remarking that "God hates all queery pirates! You will burn in Hell if you're a pirate!". Mandrill reveal that he's planning to turn all pirates into Soylent Green and then start a major fast food business based upon that specific "food" across the entire Caribbean Sea. Since Elaine is declared dead, there is nothing they can do to stop LeChuck from becoming governor and turn this nightmare into reality, unless they can get Elaine elected for governor once again. For this they need the demolition order nullified, which can only be meeting the Marley family's lawyers on another island called Lucre Island. He then travels with a sight-seeing boat heading towards Lucre Island.
Once on Lucre Island, Guybrush meets up with the Marley family's lawyer. They turn out to be total scum, just like all lawyers. They hand over a letter to Guybrush from Elaine's grandfather The letter mentions that the legal papers for the ownership of the mansion is located in The Second Bank of Lucre, alongside with clues to some mysterious object called "The Antepenultimate Insult", a weapon about one time more powerful than Big Boob. Once he's in the bank, he is robbed by an evil alternate reality version of himself, who claims to be Kang the Conqueror from the 42th century A.D. Guybrush is charged with the crime (which in a way he actually did commit) and arrested by Inspector Gadget, who places an inhibitor collar with a built in GPS around his neck, a collar that will automatically asplode if he leaves the island. He has to find Kang the Conqueror in his dwelling within the swamp of the island. Only problem is, Kang has left behind several portals through time by rigging the swamp with a time machine. Obviously Guybrush is going to be lost in time unless he figures out how to cope with all the time paradoxes. Above all, he must ensure that he himself will never become the future tyrant Kang the Conqueror. In response, Guybrush enlists the aid of Marty McFly, Bill & Ted, The Time Traveller, Donnie Darko and Kyle Reese and, igniting the dreadful Great Time Travel War of 1635, they manage to cause so many time paradoxes that even the genius Kang the Conqueror cannot cope with them. In desperation, Kang travels back in time to kill each of these character's mothers before they could ever conceive any of them. However, he thus makes the mistake of leaving his own alternate future unguarded. Guybrush simply pays the time travelling tagteam to travel into the future and undo the chain of time paradoxes that will lead to Guybrush becoming Kang the Conqueror in the far future. However, each of the time travellers decides that pirate era was really boring and so decides to travel way back to various points in the Jurassic era, where they lived happily ever after. Since Guybrush prevent the creation of his own corrupted future self, Kang the Conqueror, the bank robbing obviously could not have taken place, so he finds himself back at the bank once gain. Guybrush acquires the legal document and heads back Mêlée Island again.
Back to Mêlée Island (again)Edit
Back at Mêlée Island, Guybrush discover to his horror that his beloved Scumm Bar has now become the dreadful Allah Ack Bar, an islamized version of the old bar, selling nothing but kebab, whole stuffed camel, couscous, Qatayef, Kibbeh nayyeh, and other less edible "food". Realizing that his beloved Mêlée Island has been turned into Caliphate Island, he decides that it would be cooler to travel to the much more western-friendly island Jambalaya Island. Guybrush manage to get there by shamelessly tricking some trio of unsuspecting fools into becoming his zombified crew. He rents a particularly foulmouthed ship possessed by the spirit of Pazuzu (The Exorcist), which constantly says "Let Jesus fuck you" and "Your mother sucks cocks in Hell" and other most unchristian comments. However, this does not prevent Guybrush from ultimately setting off for Lucre Island.
Once on Jambalaya Island, Guybrush gets the idea that he should have some form of souvenir in remembrance of his holiday on the island. But first he decides to have an after lunch meal and heads over to the Starbuccaneers coffeehouse and orders a Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice. He also shamelessly empties some unsuspecting poor lady's bag and pilfers her entire retirement savings (what an asshole) alongside with her "lucky mug". Then he heads over to the other side of the island and encounters Stan running yet another doomed-to-fail business enterprise, this time selling wooden bricks with people's names written in strawberry marmalade on them. Guybrush has become quite a shameless little thief and so decides to rob everything he can find in Stan's house, coincidently including one tube of glue. He then leaves before Stan could realise what has happened. He heads over to Planet Threepwood, a restaurant chain that he himself funded (yet have forgotten funding). The waitress recognizes Guybrush as the owner of the restaurant, which is more than Guybrush himself do, and decides that he can have their special monkey souviner mug for free, in exchange for the "lucky mug" he stole from the poor old woman earlier. He now has to partipate in a diving contest where the jury is three different monkeys, one blind, one deaf and one dumb. He manage to bribe the monkeys with bananas and win over the current diving champion. His prize for "winning" is a statue of brass, shaped like a miniature man. He then gets bored with the island and decide to head over to Knuttin Atoll, a smaller island of the coast of Jambalaya Island. Guybrush decides that it would be cool to have a souvenir from this island as well. He overhears two identical parrots talking to each other about a valued object. Unfortunely, it turns out that one of the parrots is a pathological liar and while the other parrot always tells the truth. He asks the two parrots if 1 + 1 equals "3". He then drugs the parrot that says "yes" with LSD. The next time the parrots appear, the lying parrot constantly talks about "Peace, love, unity and respect" like any LSD-junkie would do, thus revealing itself to be the drugged bird. The truthtelling parrot then reveals to Guybrush where he must dig to unearth the buried object. He digs it up and it turns out to be a bronze hat.
Back to Monkey IslandEdit
Upon grabbing the bronze hat, Guybrush is mysteriously teleported immediatamente to Monkey Island due to a sudden warp in the fabric of time and space. He encounters the crazed old hermite Herman Toothrot once again, who have remained on the island since the first game and has now taken the stage name "Captain Oblivious" as a reference to his inability to recall his previous life before the island. Guybrush manage to restore Herman's memory by throwing in order a piano, a steamroller and then an Atlantic freighter on Herman's head. Then he proceeds with figuring out what the "Antepenultimate Insult" is. It turns out that the "dreaded weapon" is in fact a language, the very first primordial language that was used by any human, namely monkey chatter. He quickly learns how to master the Antipenultimate Insult from the various monkeys encountered on the island. He becomes good enough to defeat the current master of the Antipenultimate Insult on the island, some weird talking monkey. It turns out the "prize" is something he already has in his inventory, namely the previously acquired bronze hat. Ripped off. Damn monkeys. Guybrush get so angry at having been scammed that he thoughtlessly throws in a rage his bronze hat prize at a giant monkey head symboling the monkey grandmaster. Oddly enough, the giant monkey head opens and reveals and it turns out that the "monkey head" is only the top of giant mecha-robot shaped like a monkey. Using the monkey as a vessel, Guybrush and his new monkey crew walks on the ocean floor and ends up on that boring Mêlée Island again.
Back to Mêlée Island (once more and again)Edit
Back at Mêlée Island, it turns out that in Guybrush abscence, LeChuck has spent the last week eating spinach endlessly until he had grown into a 500 foot giant (everyone knows that spinach will cause one to grow at an exponentional rate and that the moon is made of cheese) in a very short time. It's amazing what a diet on spinach can do to you... He has also kidnapped the helpless Elaine, no larger than an ant in comparision. It's times like this when a good mecha-monkey could come by handy, no? Ozzie Mandrill shows up and, using his typical "God hates this / God hates that"-insults, manage to subdue LeChuck and take control of his mind. Guybrush in his mecha-monkey battles Ozzie/LeChuck with Antepenultimate Insults until Ozzie runs out of words to put after "God hates", once he's used up "fags", "shrimps", "lamps" and some other words. When Ozzie runs out of words to say, his head explodes and the explosion is so great that it shatters LeChuck's physical form for the umptenth time or so. In the ending, Guybrush finds himself in an embarrassing situation where he's expected to come up with something heroic to say, and all he can come up with is "God hates monkeys". In response, one feral monkey pushes him off a cliff, and that ends the fourth game. And yeah, Ozzie rules.
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