Mondayism

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Mondayism is the term used to describe an extreme hatred of Mondays. Somebody who believes in Mondayism is called 'Mondayist'. Mondayism has been related to several recent catastrophes, including the Challenger disaster, the collapse of the world economy in 2008, and the rise of Wolf Blitzer. Famous Mondayists include musician Quincy Jones, tennis hottie Anna Kournikova, and Tony Blair, former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Singer Jimmy Buffett has been accused of being anti-Mondayist, largely based on his song "Come Monday", but additional research has shown that he too absolutely hates Mondays and does not ever, ever want them to come.

edit Symptoms

Symptoms of Mondayism include the following;

  • Not wanting to get up on Mondays
  • Doing everything wrong on Mondays
  • A fear of Mondays starting on Friday evening
  • Small pimple-like spots underneath right armpit (rare)
  • Entirely missing out on Monday and waking up on Wednesday
  • Invading Iraq

edit The First Consequence of Mondayism

On the first day, God realized it was Monday. He stayed in bed instead of going to work and, in a fit of malevolent Mondayism, created the universe. As anthropologist and the first President of Scotland Douglas Adams concluded: "In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

edit Subsequent Events

Italian inventor and artist Leonardo Da Vinci died on MONDAY the 2nd of May 1519 of a fatal Mondayism attack brought on by his dread of yet another gruelling week of painting and inventing everything.

In Madrid in 1808, Mondayism was responsible for the people's rebellion against French occupation. The uprising took place on a Monday morning when everyone woke up determined not to go back to work after the weekend.

Franz Schubert picked a Monday to complete the composition of his Symphony #8, but blew it off to go skiing, and it remains unfinished to this day.

edit Calendar Reform

The World Health Organization has issued a bold plan for the elimination of Mondayism by reducing the week to six days. In an address to the UN on October 4, 2003, WHO Spokesperson Pete Townshend declared, "Monday sucks so let's abolish it first thing next week". Critics pointed out that the first day of the next week was a Monday, so nothing got done, despite Petula Clark's suggestion that Mondays be renamed "Sunday, part two", Pre-Tuesday" or "Shag A Stranger Day".

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