Mombasa

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 10:09, January 2, 2010 by MadMax (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search
Mombasa
Jambowakumbwasulu
The unoficcial capital of the Pridelands
Mombasa flag

This is the flag of Mombasa!

(Flag)
City Anthem: "Dog Kill The Dwarf"
PridelandsMap
Official name Jambowakumbwasulu, Dog Town
Official languages English and Swahili
Major Jokomusawakalijambowoddo Krasli
Town Heroes Mustafa, Mr T, The Dwarf eating Dog, Kenyatta, etc.
Independence from the Dwarf
- Date
24 June 1994
Currency Shitting
Religion Rafikiism, Christianity, Animism, Traditional Beliefs, etc. ad nauseam
Population - style="vertical-align: top;"

Some random statistics

Population: 1,5 million people, 1 Portuguese Dwarf, 69 lions, 8 portugeisan eating dogs, 45 tigers.

Amount of people with a driving licence: 16

Major: Jokomusawakalijambowoddo Krasli

City Anthem: Dog Kill The Dwarf

Climate: God only lets it rain after a Portugesan Dwarf has been killed, otherwise its MUTHA-FAKING-HATT!

“Mombasa? Thats Hot.”
~ Paris Hilton on Mombasa

Mombasa won the "Sexiest City Award" after being part of the sucsessfull TV show "Pimp my City".

There are a lot of restrictions and rules in Mombasa, you are not allowed to eat anything else than sand and Shark. Everyone has to cover up their toes with blue paint. Some people decide to tatoo their toes.

History

Porto

This is the only portugesian dwarf left in Mombasa. They were all eaten by dogs.

Mombasa (Jambowakumbwasulu) was founded by the dwarfs of Portugal in early 895 B.C. They travelled here to find diamond which they also did, (the worlds biggest diamond was found in mombasa under a dead kat who had just eaten a dog who had just eaten a uninteligent portugeseian dwarf.) Anyways, it was 88,9 Carat. After 590 years of Dog Vs. Portugeise dwarf fighting, the dogs finally became the minority after the real Mombasians. The town developed into being a big mining town. The roumors about the diamonds spread all over the world and soon England, France and Norway were all determened to take over Mombasa. Stupid as the Frenchmen are, they travelled in a bucket to Mombasa where they, just like the Portugesians were attacked and eaten by dogs. Then came the Englishmen, they weren't welcome in mombasa they either but they made a offer to the Mombasian inhabitans, You'll get a kennel and we get a diamond, fair? King Auther the 19th told the Major of Mombasa Chawakulokumisikali Jowana in 1208 A.C. Then came the Nowreigen, the Mombasians just laughed at them so they left without even giving it an attempt. In 2552 the Covenant (and, evidently, humans) nuke the city to hell by entering a space bubble to a ring world which, ironically, seems to be able to sustain more life than in modern Africa.

Traffic

Traffic in mombasayo

A common sign in the streets of Mombasa

There is not one single traffic light or traffic sign in mombasa. They were all stolen by a German tourist who also was a Coca-Cola addict. Anyways, now the government is to lazy to buy new signs, traffic lights and expand the roads. The toatle road distance in mombasa is 15 km. Otherwise, the traffic is horrible, it takes houres and houres to travel a distance longer of 2 km. So dont expect to come to work on time.

Ecomomy and Export

Mombasa has a lot of exports and is therefor the richest city in Africa, its main exports are; Dwarf eating Dogs, Diamons, Coca-Cola, Coconuts and Hippos.

If you didn't know, now you will get to know! Coca-Cola was acctually invented in Mombasa by a man called Cocha Creola. The coce was made out of the poo from a lion mixed with the eye lashes from a tiger and a shark teeth. The toxic from the lion poo made it extremely addictive.

Snoop Dogg is another shizzeling export from Mombasa, he was born here in 19seventyshizzle. (The name Snoop Dogg comes from his parents Snoopari and his father a dog.

Personal tools
projects