Molly the Blue Monster

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Mollybluemonster
A cartoon depiction of Molly the Blue Monster

Molly the Blue Monster is the official mascot for the New York Yankees. Molly debuted on February 2, 2009 to the chagrin of many older Yankee fans. Although she was a hit with children, older fans did not immediately adopt her as part of the franchise. As of 2010, Molly has become more accepted by fans of all ages, largely due to Yankee "legend" Yogi Berra creating stories about her and sharing them during his NO Network special "Yogi and a Porno."

edit Biography

According to Berra, Molly was one of the original Bleacher Creatures®. Although she had an undying love of the Yankees and her fellow Creatures, she was very shy to the point of being afraid to let anyone hear her voice during chants such as the Roll Call™, the GangBang Song, and J.D. Drew is a Horse's Ass.*

During a trying game against Boston (which ended up being a 16-0 defeat), Molly suddenly found the "Why are you Gay™" chant directed at her when Bald Vinny suggested she might be a Red Sox fan due to her lack of enthusiasm. She ran out of the stands in tears and moved under Section 39 where she lived the life of a hermit for 25 years.

In September 2008, at old Yankee Stadium's final game ever, she ran out onto the field screaming "LETS GO YANKEES" and was promptly tackled to the ground by the FDNY color guard who was holding the flag during God Bless America. Not only did she commit felony trespass, but was also charged with over two thousand counts of theft of services, as she watched 25 years worth of Yankee games for free. Facing the rest of her life in prision, the "Boss" George Steinbrenner recommended a plea deal to the district attorney for Bronx County. Judge Sheindlin allowed Molly to plead guilty to one count of theft and sentenced her to work for 99 years as the team mascot for the New York Yankees after serving the offseason in prison on Rikers Island. Commentators noted that her sentence, although similar to that of Frederich "Freddy Sez" Schuman in 1967 (notable for dropping a can of Skoal on the field, and as a result being forced to become what was then known as "Stadium Buffoon"), was too light and ignored precedent. Indentured servitude to the Yankee organization is a common punishment for minor disruptions such as "subversive" chants like "Yankees Suck" or until 2009, "Year 2000", or when taking one of the stadium's many buntings, but running on the field could result in a life sentence by itself.

*Bleacher Creatures, Roll Call, and Why are you Gay are trademarks or registered trademarks of Boston Opponent Sports Ventures Incorporated D/B/A The New York Yankees

edit Rough Start

Molly made her first appearance on Kids opening day 2009. As is tradition at Yankee Stadium, Kids Opening Day is always a Ten-Cent Beer Night. Older fans, who were piss-ass drunk by the first pitch, thought very poorly of Molly. She was showered with beer cans, and when fans ran out of beer cans, they went over to the site of Old Yankee Stadium and threw construction debris from there at her as well. The Bleacher Creatures instead of their typical "Box Seats Suck" chant instead chanted "Molly Sucks" and "Bring back Dandy"


edit Rivalry

Molly has an ongoing rivalry with the Boston Red Sox mascot Wally the Green Monster. Before the Yankees play a series in Boston, Wally typically attacks or pranks either Molly or the Yankees broadcast booth where the miniature Molly stays with Michael Kay and John Sterling. Wally's more publicized attacks have involved running Molly over with a four-wheeler and hanging over 40 miniature Wally dolls in the visiting broadcasters' booth. When the Yankees loose in Boston, as happens frequently, Wally puts a gun up to John Sterling's head and tells him to "Fuckin shout it" This is why fans hear "Yankees Suck! Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Yankees SUCK!" before the customary Fenway victory tune Dirty Water.

Wallygreenmonster
Molly's archnemesis boyfriend, Wally the Green Monster

edit 2010 Scandal

Molly and Wally were known to be very friendly off field, and have been seen holding hands and kissing at a Chicago Cubs game, according to US Weekly. News of the World later reported that Molly is pregnant, and even hired a sketch artist to ponder what Molly and Wally's monster babies might look like. Wally responded to this article during a Red Sox press conference, allegedly saying

But I want to say one thing to the people of Red Sox Nation. I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again: I did not have sexual relations with that woman. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the greatest fans in the world. Thank you.
Although Molly herself originally denied the claims, she then made an unexpected apology to Yankee Universe at the 2010 All-Star game
From those to whom much is given, much is expected. I have been given much: the love of my fellow Bleacher Creatures, the faith and trust of the people of New York, and the chance to be a positive influence in Yankee Universe. I am deeply sorry that I did not live up to what was expected of me. To everyone who bleeds Pinstripes, and to all those who believed in what I tried to stand for, I sincerely apologize.
Wally vehemently denied it again, stating that it was only true if you defined the word "is" a certain way. Eventually he came back and stated "Indeed I did have a relationship with Miss Blue Monster that was not appropriate." The Yankees organization is still considering Molly's fate, if she is fired as team mascot, her original 255 year prison term may be upheld.

edit Public relations

  • On Kid's Opening Day in 2009, Molly appeared on the field to greet younger fans at Yankee Stadium and threw the ceremonial first pitch.
  • Yankee Stadium's annual hat day was replaced with Molly plush toy day starting in the 2010 season.
  • Yogi Berra has discussed Wally's fictitious adventures during his NO Network special "Yogi and a Porno". During that time, Berra has had a miniature Molly doll sitting in a miniature bleacher in front of him in during commentary sections, which has been known to sit upside down during the postseason. Berra has written two books, Hello Molly and Molly the Blue Monster and Her Journey Through Yankee Universe!
  • She recently visited the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown with Wally, where she posed for pictures in front of the plaques of her heroes Ted Williams, Carl Yastrzemski, and Johnny Pesky.
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