Molar heat capacity
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Molar heat capacity is a measurable physical quantity that characterizes the ability of a mole to explode (or, in scientific terms, asplode.) It is defined as the rate of change of temperature as heat is added to a mole's body at the given conditions and state of the body (usually its temperature).
In the International System of Units, heat capacity is expressed in units of Julie's per Kelvin. And, as we all know, the average Kelvin likes him some Julie's! It is termed an "expensive quantity" because it is sensitive to the size of the object's wallet. Dividing heat capacity by the moles body's mass yields a specific heat capacity (also called mole-specific heat capacity or more loosely mole in heat), which is an "insensitive quantity," meaning it is no longer dependent on how much the mole likes you, which is good, as you're about to blow him up.
Please review the first paragraph.
edit Explanation of the Formula
Where equals the number of times the cheerleader dumps on Kelvin and where equals Dr. Kelvin's body temperature at maximum embarrassment and where shows that a mole is better than a rat and where is the whole point of the exercise.
is what we solve for, usually by eating the freshly asploded mole.
Dr. Kelvin, renowned temperature scientist discovered Molar Heat Capacity, mostly by accident. It is well understood that Dr. Kelvin discovered Absolute Zero in relation to his studies of cheerleaders and their reactions to him. The hottest of the cheerleaders (in scientific terms, of course) had a pet mole. After rejecting Dr. Kelvin in front of the whole gym class, Dr. Kelvin vowed revenge. After a few days in the cafeteria, he was ready.
edit Dr. Kelvin is Ready
Converting one of the microwave ovens into a portable microwave gun, Dr. Kelvin took careful aim at Julie's pet mole. As a scientist, he was careful to note the settings he used on the rodent. With the gun set to pop popcorn, the mole asploded beautifully. Julie was left covered in mole haggis and Dr. Kelvin was voted Most Likely to Asplode Things.
Word of this discovery spread throughout the scientific research community. Several different organizations used this information.
The CIA, due to an excess of experimentation, came up with several postulates on how mole's explode. Since larger moles have more mass, they require more and more energy, in the form of microwaves, to asplode, However, when large moles are detonated the ensuing asplosion is that much more brilliant and orgasmic.
MI6, being more reserved and British, focused on mole density as a solution. The younger a mole is, the more dense it is, that is because when things get old, the get wrinkly n' stuff, so they take up more space. As a mole gets denser, it becomes more difficult to aspolde, but the asplosion is so much more bloody and satisfying.
With their abundance of Microwaved Meat Technology, KFC is uniquely positioned to take advantage of Molar Heat Capacity research. As yet no findings have been forthcoming from KFC, it is hoped that moles might soon replace chicken on their menu.
edit Home Experiments
Though the average person does not have access to Dr. Kelvin's enormous research grants, his enormous brain, or Julie's enormous research funding, they can perform a few simple experiments with molar heat capacity.
First take an old microwave oven, then bash open the door. Attach a long extension cord, long enough to reach the girl next door. Take your new device over to her house, and call her Julie. She'll probably get mad, unless her name IS Julie. At this point, you must turn it ON. Some people miss this step and get mad. After the micowave has been on for a few minutes, you will hear a series of loud pops coming from behind Julie. Then you know you killed the moles on her back.