Insult

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Match-siena-salt-and-pepper-set
Salt and peppered.
An insult is both commonly and colloquially defined as clever verbiage utilized to annoy, tease, embarrass, or incite the anger of the person to whom it is spoken. Oh wait. Sorry. You are reading this article. Yeah, you. The stupid one. I'll talk slower.

An insult is a thing people say to other people to make them feel bad.

OK? Is that better? Good! Good job!

edit Origins

Insulting has its origins in the times of the ancient Phoenicians (Fun-nee-shunz), which came soon after their development of an alphabet. The Phoenicians had a lot of insulting to do over the next few hundred years, and a lot of it went like this:

Phoenician 1: "Damn, son! You're so ugly, Archimedes invented the lever to push you away from him!

Phoenician 2: "Shut up! I'm not as ugly as him!" (points at you)

Phoenician 1: "Hahaha! BURNED!"

Afterwards, this custom was adopted by the Greeks, who developed a complex written language and used insults in their great works of literature, primarily to insult the Persians without them realizing it. After Alexander the Great of Macedonia (Mass-i-doan-ee-a) conquered the peoples of Greece and Persia, he in turn spread the tradition of insulting other people almost as quickly as he spread HIV. However, the art of insult hit an important developmental step in 44 BC, with the introduction of the swear by Gaius Julius Caesar:

Lava
Burned.
Ice balls
That was cold.

Caesar: "Well now that we got all the administrative senate stuff out of the way, let's move on to-"

(Brutus gets up and stabs Caesar.)

Caesar: "...Fuck you, bitch."

(Caesar dies. Brutus gets owned.)

Insults also reached a peak in 1512 in Central America, when Cortez brought the comeback to Europe from the Mayans, which had been long forgotten after the texts of the ancient Romans had been lost. Fortunately, this insult flourished in its new environment, and quickly the artistic capacities of the put-down ascended to newer and greater heights. A prime example is here:

Amerigo Vespucci: "Columbus, you such a wannabe! You think you're the greatest because you screwed up and discovered a place you didn't even MEAN to find!"

Christopher Columbus: "At least I've discovered a country bigger than your mums ass! everyone thought that'd be impossible!

Unfortunately, after this period, with the exception of Oscar Wilde, insults began to hit a flatline in development. The form of art has gone down faster than your mom on the nearest dick in the vicinity. It's really quite tragic to see how quickly our country degenerates our arts generation by generation. Oh, sorry:

Insults are bad now.

Isn't that better?

edit Form

The insult is a widely varied art which ranges all the way from the comeback to the knock-knock joke. In this extensive section, we will discuss all of them: the comeback, and the knock-knock joke.

edit Drive-By Insult

The drive by insult consists of a person yelling out of a car (window, or sunroof-if applicable) at a pedestrian.

“Oh, Reginald? I DISAGREE!”
~ British Guy on drive-by arguments

edit The Comeback

Pwned-48495
Indeed.

The comeback is a hard-to-master component of insulting which can weeks or even months learning how to fully exploit to one's own good in a battle of wits.

So, we're not going to do that. Instead, let's look at some examples:

Dick: "You're so ugly that your floor is covered in pieces of broken mirrors!"

Jane: "It's fine, though, cause I can see my reflection real clear in your greasy hair."

Two days later...

Dick: "You're mean! I don't like you!"

Jane: "Good, cause no one else likes you either!"

The next day...

Dick: "Wow, Jane. You're so stupid!"

Jane: "Well, y-"

(Dick smacks the bitch.)

edit The Knock Knock Joke

Unlike the comeback, this aspect of insulting is very easy to master and can be quickly....blah blah blah examples:

Dick: "Knock knock."

Jane: "Who's there?"

Dick: "Boo."

(Jane runs away screaming.)

Ugly-1
A very flattering picture of you.

The following week...

Dick: "Knock knock."

Jane: "Who's there?"

Dick: "Dick. I mean- dammit!"

Two days later...

Dick: "Knock knock."

Jane: "Who's there?"

Dick: "Not as ugly as him!" (points at you)

edit The YouTube Comment Insult

YouTube Insults

  • Note: Coherency optional.

edit To Summarize

Insults, like people, come in many different shapes, sizes, and races. This verbal art form can be shown to surpass all of the more popular art forms, including theater, painting, film, photography, religion, sculpture, music, sound mixing, and set design. The insult is, in fact, really representative of our culture; it reflects through our expressions the self-destruction of human culture and our environmental deprecation of the planet. Oh damn. I keep forgetting.

Insults = funny.

That's better.

edit Family of insults

        Chuck Norris__
          /   \       \
        _/    Bum      \
       /       \        \
     Sex       poo      Silly________________________Annoying_________
   /   \       /   \        \                         /     \         \
Fuck    \  Crap   Shit    Dumb______________      Bitch   Bastard   Arse hole
         \                /      \          \                 
         Dick       Dumb fuck   Idiot    Inexperenced
           \                    /   \        \
        Dickhead           Twat   Tool      Newbie
                              /                  \
                           Tosser               noob
                                                  \
                                                /\/00|3

edit See Also

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