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Often confused with having a relationship to wheelchairs, mobility scooters are actually the last step in the evolution of the common automobile.
A mobility scooter, Pavement Chariot or MS, is an extra compact passenger vehicle. This type of transportation is most often used to get around public places and cleanly mow bystanders down. Said vehicles can reach a top-speed of 185 mph in only 7.5 seconds.
edit Types of Drivers
- Elderly: This type of driver is often acknowledged as a stone-cold-pimp. You better recognize the next time you see one ridin'.
- Lazy-ass-motherfuckers: These drivers also use mobility scooters to get around the house. The invention of a waterproof version of the MS sprang from this category of user, since they also shower in their mobility scooter.
- Whippit Addicts: Technically a sub-category of the elderly group, this type of driver hops on a mobility scooter, quickly jabs his or her nostrils with a tube and hits a grocery store to scoot around aimlessly, high as a kite. It is often thought the tube is connected to an oxygen tank, however the reality is 4 times out of 5, the addict is taking in a steady stream of laughing gas from their handy dual-purpose tank of nitrous oxide.
- The Fats: those people who keep on eating until they're wider than they are long favour the use of mobility scooters as a means of procuring consumables. One of the more dangerous types of rider, they often dead-eye people out of the way with their sunken black bag-eyes, while their fat-prototype child dangles listlessly off their 'tache. Miss the dead-eye and expect a bloody heel.
edit Types of Mobility Scooters
The SUV model of mobility scooters features nice off-road handling, and a partial steel cage, offering a limited amount of paralysis from a likely accident.
The Top Down model comes with a, well, a top. Protects you from the elements yet offers impaired visibility.
The economy model requires no engine or chair, thus, with some balanced standing and constant peddling, you are very comfortably mobile.
edit Mobility Scooter Gangs
There is a surging number of notorious MS gangs. The U.S. Prison System now estimates that nearly one third of the inmates in general population belong to MS gangs. The volatile members of these gangs have been known for a sizable amount of violent crimes committed in the United States. The most common kinds of crimes are:
- Intentional hit-and-runs: If a gang member can reach a high enough speed on a mobility scooter, slamming into a victim can hurt like hell. If not, it can certainly leave serious psychological trauma, seeing a mobility scooter gunning for you at full speed before losing conciousness.
- Drive-by shootings: The odds are stacked up against perpatrators of drive-by shootings. Even at night, the assailant can be easily identified sitting in a mobility scooter, as well as being chased down by police. Additionally, the look-out in the "backseat" is typically too uncomfortable to help out.
Based on the widely feared gang, MS 65 (named after the median age of its members), console video game maker Rockstar Games created Grand Theft Auto, West Palm Beach. An overnight sensation, the game depicted several Crazy-ass Geezer characters breaking out of a retirement home, stealing amped-up mobility scooters and raising absolute hell.
When the actual members of MS 65 discovered they had not been consulted nor was offered royalties, they went on a 22 city tour of maiming, looting and torching city downtowns until Army Reserve Forces finally took them out.
edit Mobility Scooter Tricks
edit Track-based Mobility Scooters
edit Pavement Chariotism
edit Anatomy of a Mobility Scooter