Mississippi State Flag controversy

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Missisipiold
The "classic" Mississippi flag, which was deemed racist to Canadians in 2001.
Starting in 1894, the State of Mississippi's official flag included a Confederate Battle Flag (also known as the Racist Racist Satan Flag in some northen nurseries) in its upper left corner. Toward the end of the 20th Century and beginning of the 21st, controversy heated up with many people claiming the flag was racist[1]. Public debate escalated year after year with parties of both sides of the issue adamant that they were right. Each side had articulate spokespeople as well as people who grunted, choked, and gasped like orangutans with asthma, who, unfortunately, made equally convincing arguments. Proponents of both sides spewed saliva with their heated words whenever they debated the issue, causing many audience members to bring umbrellas to whatever TV shows hosted the events in their own biased, sex-appeal filled way.

Finally, in 2001, a referendum similar in scale to such happenings as the Domesday Book and the 2008 US Presidential Election was placed before Mississippi voters, the options being whether or whether not to change the flag. The proposed new flag would replace the Confederate Battle Flag with a "sleek" blue canton with twenty stars, nineteen of which would represent the commercial sponsors of Mississippi® and one which represented Mississippi itself, which was originally planned to be in the likeness of a scrotum if approved by voters.


Mississippinew
This was the proposed new flag, which was redesigned by celebrity consultant Andy Warhol, and subsequently re-redesigned by government officials.


On April 17, 2001, Mississippi voters went to the polls[2] to choose whether to adopt the new design or keep the old one (having been told beforehand that it was actually a statewide personality quiz). However, as tempers flared over the idea of abandoning the supposedly symbolic Confederate flag, a massive statewide riot ensued, preventing the vote from being completed. Governor Ronnie Musgrove, who had commisioned the redesign in the first place, quickly deployed the National Guard, all available SWAT teams, all local police departments, sharpshooters, tanks, planes and the Girl Scouts to restore order to the state. At this point the country was in chaos, with reports of a soda can being thrown in the Mississippi river shocking governing bodies.

As the army attempted to sort out the mess, Musgrove, persistent and stubborn in his dislike of the Confederate flag, created a special Emergency Mississippi Flag Think Tank Committee[3] made up of artists, governors and "sample" Ku Klux Klan members to attempt to find a compromise that everyone in Mississippi could live with. They worked hard for approximately two hours a day for one week, consulting historical notes and previous public servey information in order to come to an appealing and acceptaple conclusion. The resulting flag design, despite several out-of-place coffee stains, was accepted as a fair way to honor white heritage without using any racist or copyrighted symbols. Governor Musgrove was hailed as a great leader for coming up with such a brilliant solution to the problem. Mississippi voters overwhelmingly and law-abidingly supported this new flag design and the statewide protests eventually dried out, sending criminal activity back to its usual 170% of the American state average. Following an overwhelming 85% of the voters choosing the new flag, it became the official state flag on January 5, 2002. Its design is shown below.


Mississipinazi
The new flag, which took inspiration from Picasso and Lynch.


  1. These claims were at the time unjustified.
  2. "The polls" actually refers to a selection of local bars kitted out with pictures of the Confederate flag, as nothing else could be put together on such short notice.
  3. The EMFTTC celebrated its fifth anniversary in 2006, having since become the subjects of a successful reality TV show.
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