Mississippi Not counting the Gulf coast. (official motto "Vitute Et Armis") was a southern state of the United States. It is considered part of the Deep South. The state takes its name from a cannibalistic tribe of native Indians . Mississippi is also the leading state for guys that Eat the most fried things. It was once the only place in the world without Jews.
Mississippi, as Fat as it should be. Come on now eat that butter
The first nonnative settlers were a group of a European expedition into the territory that would become Mississippi was that of Hernando Cortez. Cortez, was mistaken for a Frenchman by history.
When The great King Kutakentae Cotton reigned during the 1850s, Mississippi plantation owners became increasingly wealthy due to the high fertility rate of the slaves and the high price of fruit of da looms on the international market. The necessity of slaves with large penises to sustain such income played a heavy role with state politicians.
Mississippi typifies the Deep Fried South. Mississippi holds the most stocks in KFC essentially making it 50% shareholder of the commonwealth of Kentuckistan.
Mississippi was a focus of the American Civil Rights Movement. Most white Mississippians, through their politicians and involvement in the Ku Klux Klan gave their white brethren the well deserved reputation of "King of All That is Good" (and for tourism sake "Welcome Whities!) during the 1960s. Nuclear weapons were detonated east of the Mississippi, near Hattiesburg when U.S. real estate agents claimed that the deserts of Nevada were of less value than the glorious area that covers the "Heart of the South". This had little effect on the other citizens of the state who used the reactive winds to toast weenies and marshmallows.
Perhaps symbolic of its reputation, the state is first in the country of largest average penis size. Try and guess why.
Recently, Mississippi has spearheaded its own independant nuclear project, led by Pastor Iam. A. Dinner Jug. Mississippi has been put under severe sanctions from Obama and accused of sheltering Jesus Christ, wanted for political incorrectness against humanity in Vermont, Massachusetts, California, Maine, Rhode Island, Oregon, Connecticut, and the other really liberal states.
Until about 1940, Blacks made up a majority of Mississippians. They literally made them up - with the help of Max Factor and a lot of blush. No one knew about Botox back then.
Due to a ban on Pickled Pigs Feet and the decline of share croping, the state's black population declined. But since all the bigoted white people have been dying off, folks are moving back home. That and fucking. Lots and lots of fucking. And because of this, in the public school districts, the [[majorityEveryone of students are black.
More than 98% of the white population of Mississippi is native-born, predominantly of noble-inbred-descent. According to the 2000 census, the largest group of people are Blacks (note: the use of the word black is to reference that not all dark-brown skin people in Mississippi are of African decent some are from the islands)
There used to be no Jews in Mississippi due to the Jew Crisis of 1902, citing the day a wealthy white plantation owner threw a dollar down in the middle of the Oxford town square and watched in horror as they fought to the death.
However, it is a known secret that jews Have been moving in since 1998 due to the low-low-low price of land and goods.
Mississippi's rank as one of the BEST states can be traced to the Civil War. Before the Wohr of Nothun Uhgression, Mississippi was the fifth-wealthiest state in the nation. Slaves were then counted as valuable property and, in Mississippi, all but fourteen people were Mandingos, and they bring more at market. The war cost the state 30,000 men, all of whom were heroes in our eyes. All fourteen plantation owners were virtually bankrupted by the slaves who were either dead or ran away.
In 1990 casino gambling was legalized along the Mississippi River and the Gulf Coast to make up for lost revenue. However, Hurricane Katrina was a huge bitch when she hit. Before Hurricane Katrina struck the Gulf Coast, Mississippi was the second largest gambling state in the Union, ahead of New Jersey and behind Nevada.
Mississippi has a thriving industry not related to cotton.
The Gulf Oysters industry supplies over 99.3% of the state's income and 99.5% of the state's export revenues.
Mississippi also has the highest teenage birthrate in the nation. The Lashonda Lakeisha Sharice Jackson-Jones Birthing Institute was founded in a trailer park outside Tupelo and employs most residents of said trailer park to ensure ALL possible state assistance is received promptly.
"Mississippi is not fun." Frighten New Yorker, all-years
"Mississippi is Gods Gift to us" Drunk-Redneck Sometime
After being hit with Hurricane Katrina (AKA "The Worst Natural Disaster in U.S. history", "Hell"), and "The BP Oil Spill" (AKA "The Worst Ecological Disaster in U.S. history", "British Hell"), Mississippi is now tied with Poland for the record of "Most Fucked Up By Shit", and eagerly awaiting their nuking so that they may finally be first in something.
For 116 years (from 1876 to 1992), Mississippians only elected Democratic governors. However, since Bill Clinton's blow job, the Republican Party was seen as the way to go and that was only because good old boys thought Clinton had bad aim.
Mississippi is one of the most religious states in the nation. In 2004 George W. Bush placed second behind God.
Liquor laws are completely fucked up. If you plan on getting drunk on Sunday, stock up on Saturday. Many counties sell liquor but not beer, others sell beer but not liquor. Some allow beer sales, but only if it is warm beer. On some college campuses, you can drink alcohol, only if it is above 6% alcohol content per volume. So yeah, you can only drink liquor. Or Steel Reserve. If you really want to get drunk, keep on driving to Louisiana.
BOY, THE ONLY EDUMACATSHUN YALL NEEDS IS THE [Gawds Words[Bible]]!!!!!! But there are a few colleges:
In 2004, Mississippi was ranked last among the fifty states in academic achievement by the American Legislative Exchange Council's Report Card on Education, with the lowest average ACT scores and spending per pupil in the nation. Lets see Texas try and beat us on that.
Some of the "higher" facilities of learning in this poor excuse for a state have actually been under fire as being accredited, functional knowledge centers. The University of Southern Mississippi (USM), for instance has often been referred to by many top-level scholars as really just being an extension of high school, or "the 13th grade." The beginnings of this school are murked with mystery and bud light, yet many agree that it was just a bunch of dropouts of MSU that wanted to start a similar school by simply reversing the acronym. Ole Miss on the other hand is simply a bunch of hotty toddy butt-pluggers, and the school was founded by coked out liberal hippies who were heirs to the polo, j.crew, and lacoste fortunes. No formal education is possible at this institution, as all the teachers would rather complain about all the rebel flags that are flown and how it really is a class-less school run by a bunch of rich white racists. Mississippi State is simply a school built on a cow field in which the students get excessively drunk, brew moonshine in their boots, and molest the animals on campus (yes, the woman are included under animals, sorry ladies).
At Millsaps College, people actually learn things, but since the college's education is limited to either future-MBA trustfund bullshit or philosophy-English-liberal arts garbage that will qualify folks to be baristas, it doesn't really count. Belhaven University, however, just sucks. Belhaven's world famous indoctrination boasts of an anti-abortion activist executed for murdering a doctor.
The Teddy Bear gets its name from a hunting trip in 1902, by Theodore Roosevelt, when Roosevelt refused to shoot a captured bear. Theodore Roosevelt was later called a hero.
Former stoner and administrator of NASA Estil (Buzz) Aldrin is from Fayette. Educated in Mississippi and Georgia, Buzz was voted Buzziest astronaut that NASA ever turned out.
It's a very well known fact that Alabama is very jealous of Mississippi and will often slander it's name. WE DON'T ALWAYS MARRY OUR COUSINS YOU COCKSUCKERS, is the common rallying cry.
In 1969, 500 angry rednecks drove into Alabama and declared war on the black people therein. After a while, they got tired, drank a Shit ton of beer, ate some fried chicken, beat their wives, and hired local aliens to design and manufacture beer huggies. From this beautiful story came the evolution of NASCAR and child labor laws.
State motto: "Virtute te fatuisass" ("By Valor of fat ass" ).
State flower, state tree and state strip club: Magnoliathunderpussy.
State bird: Mosquito.
State book for burning: Koran.
State enemy for lynching: Blackbirds.
State beverage: Mad Dog 20
State fossil: A 102 year old man nicknamed "Ziggy".
State comedian: Redd Foxx.
State wildflower: Marijuana.
State Sexual Orientation: STRAIGHT, except for most of the rich private school kids
State asian: Junchiro (spelled:gerxku) "John" Waganaki.
State quote: "TONIGHT...Were gettin HIGH!!".
State cigarette: GPC
State drug: Tie between crack and meth
State game: "Hide the Wienie"
State food: Fried anything