Minnesota Vikings
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“I died at the age of 46. The reason? My favorite teams were the Minnesota Vikings, The Boston Red Sox, The Sacramento Kings and the Toronto Maple Leafs. My heart could only take so much.”
The Tony Cassereto faggots are an NFL franchise located in Minnesota, until Minnesotans lose another sports franchise. Until then, here are your Minnesota Vikings.
[edit] History of the Vikings
The history of the Minnesota Vikings started when a group of Viking warriors decided that they needed a break from raping, pillaging, and plundering. They decided to take up the sport of Gridiron football, as a break from the monotony of plundering and pillaging.
They later discovered Christianity and renounced the Viking way of raping and pillaging and decided to dedicate their lives to Christianity. As an outlet for their previously engaged in violence and sexuality, they continued playing Gridiron football.
The team is expected to move to Los Angeles in time for the 2012 season, thus making the Minnesota Vikings history...at least the Minnesota part. After all, the Lakers didn't bother changing their name when they left so why bother?
^^^^^ Yeah, you little LA shits wish. Never gonna happen. Now go suck another dick. ^^^^^
[edit] Low moments in Vikings history
Invaded British isles
- 1000 Discovered Christianity.
- 1961 Joined the NFL after finding the AFL not to be to their standards. According to the converted Viking Warriors, they were too Unchristian.
- 1969Won their first and only NFL championship. The next week, after winning their NFL championship, they decide to convert the heathen Native Americans to Christianity and to NFL dominance over the AFL. The Native Americans didn't take too well to this new religion and this football league, and quickly slaughtered the Viking warriors.
Cornerback Nate Wright was manhandled by a Dallas Cowboy, Drew Pearson. However, he forgave his assaulter and allowed him to go unpenalized towards the end zone, much to the chagrin of the heathen Viking Fans.
The Burger King runs all around Vikings defenders costing the Vikings the division and an easy path to the Super Bowl.
Dennis Green, a Nubian warrior and professional eating champion and also slave of the San Fransisco 49ers who was then captured and freed by the Vikings rose to the ranks of Captain, decides in the middle of an important game to have one of his lower ranking field generals, also from Nubia, kneel down and pray, thanking God for a victory over the Falcons. However, the referees reminded Green that the game was tied. The Vikings then were defeated.
The Viking warriors misinterpret the Cardinal's Hail Mary play as a religious declaration. As was in 1998, they found out they were wrong.
The Vikings lose to both the Seattle Seahawks and the Pittsburgh Steelers in Super Bowl XL.
- 2005 The Minnesota Vikings briefly disowned Christianity and returned to their boat-going, violent and sexually promiscuous ways.
- 2006 Embarrassed by their return to their old ways, the Vikings steal Andy Reid's biatch and crown him their leader as Brad the Child. The Child is, in fact,so child like, he leads the team on the field much like an 8 year old playing Madden NFL games. The team returns to losing.
- 2007 The Minnesota Vikings, renewing their dedication to Christianity, drafts Adrian "Purple Jesus" Peterson. Purple Jesus so far has proven to be a false messiah when he handles the ball.
- 2008 Even as Purple Jesus fumbles on every fifth carry, the team manages to win their division for the first time in 8 years...Andy Reid plots his revenge and his mighty Eagles defeated the Vikings and the Child handily in the team's only playoff battle. Of course, one can not discount Brad the Child's maturity on the field and can lay blame in his play-calling, or lack thereof.
- 2009 It is finally discovered that the Minnesota Vikings are the best team in NFL history because they have in fact won the Super Bowl every year since their inaugural season. In August of 2009 God himself also known as Brett Favre decided to play for these gods among men to lead them to yet another title.
[edit] Current Blunders
The team's latest blunder was the trading of Randy Moss and the retention of the mentally incompetent Hillary Clinton.
It was also in 2005 that every starter and coach Mike Tice engaged in the infamous "Love Boat" incident where each member impregnated their pre-ordained prostitute in order to repopulate future generations of Minnesota Vikings.
This did not go over well with the conservative Minnesota area of the community, and several community activists called for "a official investigation" to "put an end to these namby-pamby shenanagians."
The team current is suffering a quarterback crisis, in which original starter Brad Johnson decided to become a gay lumberjack, swinging through the forests of British Columbia. The team has resorted to using impersonators while they attempt to corral him from his perch in the midst of a herd of wild mounties.
The Vikings decided that Brad Johnson wasn't the answer. They decided Assburger Syndrome sufferer Tarvaris Jackson would make a better choice. His jump-passes are a result of Tarvaris being overstimulated by the opposing team's pass rush.
Breaking News: Adrian Peterson is a freakin beast. Much like many beasts, however, Adrian Peterson lacks opposable thumbs.
There are many famous Viking warriors that have achieved individual accolades, but however, their surrounding armies have not built an empire.
They are:
Cris Carterssen
Randy Lindmoss
Alan Pagestrom
Adrian Petersen
John Randlestrom
Chuck Formann
Ahmahd Rashadssen
Fran Tarkenten
Bill "Boom Boom" Braun.
Jim Marshellstrom
Carl Ellerberg fUCK U THE VIKINGS RULE Paul Krause
Anthony Carterssen
