Milky Bar Kid
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“You know those two big sticks? Yeah, they're the goals...”
“Okay, I'll show you a new trick, it's called The Pass...”
“Theres no use crying over spilt milk”
The Milky Bar Kid, fourth time winner of the NoBells Prize, otherwise known as Milky, My Milky, Milk, Hi-Lo, Condensed, Powdered, Soy, Full Fat, Half-Fat, Rice Milk, Skim, Ultrafiltration, Buttermilk, Lactose Reduced, UHT and Unsweetened Condensed.
He is the official mascot for the milky bar, and ball-hogging. The milky bar kid milks himself over ronaldinho. Wears glasses and is indirectly racist towards anyone who isn't milky.
edit History of the Milky Bar Kid
Originally the world was made of dark chocolate, until the milky bar came along and everyone milked themselves and the world turned white. One chocolate monster did not fall to the moves of the milky and instead, slide tackled him and kept his cocoa, it was later found out he had no milk anyway so he was safe. Milky's first boyfriend was Hermione Granger but she fell for the ranga ways of Ron and cast a spell on Milky so that balls would always be glued to his body, this meant he could not pass in soccer, and it would be impossible to face less than 4 balls per over in cricket so he would have to hog strike. In his early career he did adverts for Nestle now and then but mainly focused on being a milk, having been replaced by a sucession of 10 other milks, 7 of which turned out to be drunken whore-mongers.
edit Current Day
In the current day he recruits people to the milky clan, MMIM (my milky is milky) and spreads his milkiness to other milky people to bring the milk out of them. His main enemies are gangstas and Ronaldhino who would milk milky anyday. Celebrities such as Lindsay Lohan and King Kong once laughed at his milkiness but now love him from behind. Recently King Kong found out that milky is not milky at all and discovered that he apparently was a doosh and 'his mum liked men". These accusations are being taken up to the highest level of milky law in Milkland, the Milkyfield. On this field the two sides will take out their beef in a battle of milk. The chocolate monster AKA mudcake has sided with King Kong in using soy based milk but Lindsay Lohan and the rest of Hollywood supports the milky bar kid.
edit Rivals (in detail)
King Kong, king of gangsta's and being cool, this ape was a child of godzilla, he hangs out on the empire state building with his homies and goes to the nearest harbour town for food and gangsta soccer shoes and food. King Kong's sexuality has been questioned and it was quoted that "he likes men from behind", and can't get enough of hairy men, like Peter Jackson or "The Messiah". The Milky Bar Kid traveled to America in search of King Kong but was clearly embarrassed when he told some gangstas that the only drive by he knew of was Mr. Whippy.
edit Spare Time
In his spare time Milky enjoys his life by 1. Milking himself repeatedly 2. Drinking the milk 3. Stepovers 4. Practicing his fake dives over everything 5. Milking himself
edit Rules of the Milkyfield
- 1. No passing, this will result in a red card*
- 2. No scoring of goals, a red card will be given
- 3. When missing the goals, you must pretend the shot was a very near miss, and find an excuse such as, "If it was a real goal it would of gone in." or " If I had real soccer boots that would have gone in"
- 4. Stepovers are a must
- 5. You must nutmeg yourself
- 6. If tackled you must lose the ball and fake dive to the ground, after which you must insist on a penalty
- If passing to Lindsay Lohan only a yellow card will be issued
edit The Milky Bar Milking
It is important for the milky bar kid to milk himself every day so that he does not milk himself on the milkyfield. This could cause embarrassment. When faced with Ronaldinho the milky bar has no defence and automatically milks himself.
edit Equipment of the Milky Field
- School shoes, this is great for making excuses after shots on goal.
- U6s sized soccer goals for optimum shooting chances.
- A deflated badidas from Thailand for ball control
- Some cream to make the ball soft and smooth, ready for stepovers.
edit The tricks
- Self nutmeg
- Self nutmeg stepovers
(This requires 342 rotations of the milkystick and 42 back-n-forths. This results in, if performed properly in an automatic win for Milky FC.)
edit MilkyField '10
Following the success of the sport, EA games signed a contract to the rights and developed the video game with full sound effects and realistic game play. The aim of this game is to get past as many defenders as you can without tripping over your own legs. There is a new singstar style mic coming out where you yell "penalty!" when you 'get tripped' .EA sports has recently released the milkystick™ which can be plugged into any console while playing the Fifa games. The controller only features the right analog stick and the shoot button. MilkyField has a unique scoring system that milky himself created.
Hander goal 2
Self Nutmeg 5
Missing Goals 1
Coming up with a good reason 2 ("If they were real goals..." is an acceptable reason no matter how often it's used)
Calling for penalty 3
Tackling own team mate 5
Passing to Lindsey Lohan -5
Stepovers 1 ea
Self nutmeg stepovers 3 ea
Scoring a Goal -1 000 000
Being milky begin match with 223 to thepowerofronaldinho MF'10 Points
edit Milky FC
The prestigious club of milks. This club is very exclusive and the only member is Milky, this is because he didn't pass to anybody so they all quit. The club was renamed from MMIM (My milky is Milky) FC to Milky FC due to Milky being the only player.
edit Chocolate Milk FC
This team is made up of clones of milky who've been genetically modified to have the ability to pass (this also gave them a distinct chocolate colour), thus creating the ultimate team. This team was created by Ronaldihno because he didn't like Milky copying his mighty tricks. Milky FC has recently challenged Chocolate Milk FC and it has been predicted that milky will get milked everytime he gets the ball. Big W captains the team
Ronaldinho plays a special part in Milky's life and is the only person who can cause milky to milk himself apart from maybe Ronaldo. Milky idolises Ronaldhino and has switched from supporting Barcelona to supporting AC Milan as " They drink more milk". Ronaldhino plays for Chocalate Milk FC
edit Mocha Milk
Milky and Ronaldihno agreed in a treaty one day and formed Mocha Milk Fc in Which King Kong captains the team.
edit Daledo FC
Milkys cross town rival is none other than Daledo, with his own gang filled with his buff Nintendo DS Lite homies like naughton, and brittish. Daledo FC was founded in 1969, with FIFA '69 players unable to milk each other over Wi-fi if they lived out in the country, EA sport develeped a play-with-self mode and founded the Daledo FC, allowing people other than The Milk to milk themselves on field.
edit The iMilk
Apple has just released pictures in the annual MMIMMag of plans to develop an iMilk because of the increasing rate of 'milking' within teens. The iMilk come in 1GB, 2GB, 6.9GB and 8GB, with colour themes of white and milk. The iMilk will also be capable of downloading highlights off your FIFA '01,'02,'03,'05,'06,'07,'08,'09 and "Cooking Mama", with a storage capacity of 17 videos. Call 1300 mlky 4eva in the next 12 minutes to pre-order your iMilk and receive free downloads of Milky's favourite media (MMIM club song,The National anthem of the Country Milk (Brazil/Italy), MMIM '09 theme and the movie MILK for your iMilk today. Trade in any "FIFA" or "Cooking Mama" games for discounts in participating vendors.
edit Not to be confused with
-The Milky bar kid 1
-The Milky bar kid 2
-The Milky bar kid 3
-The Milky bar kid 4
-The Milky bar kid 5
-The Milky bar kid 6
-The Milky bar kid 7
-The Milky bar kid 8
-The Milky bar kid 9
-The Milky bar kid 10
-The Dirty Slicer
-Cartons of milk
-Did I mention Albino's?