From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Militant atheism is a doctrine where atheists go batshit crazy and go on a rampage! In the Soviet Union, militant atheists bulldozed churches, synagogues, temples and all the rest after getting drunk off of copious amounts of alcohol. They then created the Church of Stalin, which was actually Comrade Lenin's idea. After Stalin died, he passed along the militant atheist torch to Richard Dawkins, who made them gain a lot of followers, but then lost them all after South Park exposed the cult. As a result, they launched a new marketing campaign involving a carbonated beverage, which they called New atheism, in order to try to gain some back. It's been moderately successful, but only after making a pop can similar to Coca Cola, which has fooled a great deal of people.
The first militant atheists of the French Revolution, known by their codename, the Cult of Reason, often assembled as a torch-wielding mob, which inspired their predecessors in the USSR, People's Republic of China, and North Korea. The Moscow Mob, created by Joseph Stalin, although now a major league baseball team, was originally an angry group of militant atheists, who decided to take up sport after the collapse of the Soviet Union. Originally, the Moscow Mob (which the parody of Uncyclopedia, Wikipedia, incorrectly calls the League of Militant Atheists) ran the streets and took out any houses of worship they could see, using only baseball bats, which is why they so easily transitioned into playing the sport after the 1990s. Afterwards, being drunk, they had quite the penchant for orgies with hired prostitutes, which is why their official logo features a tramp, in memory of the Moscow Mob's glory days.
During the 1990s, Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens and two other less known minstrels, helped shape the future of militant atheism in Great Britain, planning to move the headquarters east again, after the resurrection of the New USSR. When they were children, they met Comrade Marx, Comrade Lenin, and Comrade Stalin, who agreed in a secret meeting that they would continue the movement abroad, since it was failing in the USSR. As adults, Dawkins and Hitchens were too old to rampage or play baseball so they thought writing comedy books might help spread militant atheism. However, their career as comedians ended after South Park made the episode Go God Go, embarassing the new militant atheists so much so, that they could never tell a joke again. They then switched to the soda industry, branding their movement as New atheism, a bad version of Kool Aid, which would someday be the official soft drink of the New USSR. Instead of focusing on religion, however, militant atheists now spend most of their time trying to file lawsuits in hope to repeal the landmark Pop v. Soda Supreme Court case.