Mile High Club
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- This article is about the modern-day exclusive club for men. For the 18th century British secret society, see Mile-High Club.
“Mile High Club? That was an easy one, I completed it first try on Veteran.”
The Mile High Club, not to be confused with the "Really High Club", reserved for crack addicts, and kitten huffers alike, or even the "Sea Level Club" (Otherwise known as the Navy), which is a men's exclusive club.
The first variation of the club began in the early 1900's with the "Few Metres off the Ground Club", notoriously started by the Wright Brothers after their mother complained about the noises coming from their bedroom. Since then, the club has had it's membership become more exclusive following the executive decision to increase the required height to be admitted into the club. This decision, as was expected, caused a split amongst it's members, leading some to make their own less exclusive club, The Ground Height Club, which is only known to discriminate against sexually active Miners. Other new regulations have barred Solo Membership, and as of 2006, Equestrian Membership is discouraged, due to the large number of horses becoming stuck inside Airline toilets.
Rules and Regulations
- Since the Hindenburg, members are no longer accepted from the Zeppelin Division.
- Due to many accidental circumcisions, the Helicopter Division has also been disbanded.
- To prevent confusion, 1 Mile Horizontally from any given point does not get club membership.
- Gold Membership Cards are available to any member who manages to complete the act whilst flying the plane.
- Cream Membership Cards are available to any member who manages to complete the act on top of their membership card.
- Membership prices vary from country to country, though, as always, Family Membership is often cheaper.
Due to many Club events resulting in plane crashes, several countries have made Pilot involvement illegal in all activities except for Oral Presentations to the crew and passengers. Other countries have outlawed the act altogether, although keen Club members have been known to find loop holes. ie. While sex is not permitted within the cabin, so far no laws have been made to prevent people from having sex on the wings of the plane. The previously mentioned loophole is a fine example of the Club's Community Service: Why get bored on a 5-hour flight when you can simply look out your window for the club's free in-flight entertainment? Other various places have been found around the plane's exterior which are ideal for Club Events, including the infamous "Vaginapit above of the Cockpit window", which, despite it's health hazards, has so far received no complaints from the pilots.
Despite the fact it was of American origin, it has caused some issues in countries that are accustomed to the metric system. For example, in many of these countries, the Club is formally known as the 1.609344 Km club, and to those who prefer to measure everything in Yards, for no real reason at all, it is known as the 1760 Yards Club. Some even suggested that it should be called the 63360 Inch Club, but due to it's sexual nature, Club Members were afraid that people would assume that the inches were measuring something other then the altitude of the airplane.
Due to all this confusion, some have suggested more practical names, such as "Sexual Intercourse in an airplane at the altitude of 1 mile or more, to be conducted with one or more person/animal (Not Horses) but occasionally dogs, but never each others wives, what do you think we are? Swingers? Although group sex is a possibility if she's alright with it, we'll have to discuss this over sex some time (in an airplane)-Club". Members are still uncertain if this name conveys exactly what the Mile High Club is.
Benefits to the community at large
- In-flight performances is the perfect way to entertain families, who would otherwise annoy the rest of the passengers with their constant shouting.
- Provides flight stewardess' with more work to keep them busy. (That being that they have to clean up, not that they are involved in the events)
- The new and active Junior division provides an alternative to Scouts.
- Provides an alternative place for fighter pilots to put their "missiles".
- Scientifically proves that ears are not the only body parts to "pop" at high altitudes.
- It adds more meaning to "Snakes on a plane".