Mike Tyson
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“My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious! I want your heart! I want to eat your children! Praise be to Allah, you faggot!”
Mike Tyson aka Abdul bin Salim Mohammed, is a bad fucking nigger, with a chip on his shoulder larger than the Rock of Gibraltar. Conceived orally out of paid wedlock to Cus D'amato and Divine Brown, he once extinguished himself by becoming the World Superweight Boxing Champion in all 28 different World Boxing Councils, including the IBF, WBC, JWAA (Jing Wu Athletic Association), Shaolin Quan, SUBC (Supreme Ultimate Boxing Council), and even the FRB (Federal Reserve Board).
Tyson's fighting styles included Rape, Ear Eating, Leg Biting, Eagle Claw, Rape, Five Animals, Fite-@-Wei-In, Fucking Monkey, Rape, Praying Mantis, Atheist Mantis, Fujian White Crane, Rape, Polish Tai Chi Chuan, Street Brawl, Nose Bone In Brain, Rape, and his personal favorite, I'm-Gon-Fuk-U-Up-Mo-Fo Kwan Doe.
Since turning Pro, Tyson's style could best be described as follows: Bell Ring - Charge Forward - Demolish Opponent - Bad Boast - Exit Ring - Forget Money - Rape Bitch.
During his short but temptational career he beat the living daylights out of some chumps, racking up a string of first round knockouts to rival Jack Dempsey. Winning the title in his first Pro fight, he successfully defended it 28 times before his weakness was discovered. His most notable fights are against Larry Holmes, who looked like he drank a case of beer after one minute of the 1st round, and his final shock defeat at the hands of 10,000 to 1 underdog, Buster Douglas, who was the first boxer to ever try and throw a punch at Tyson. The first and only famed 'Douglas Punch' knocked Tyson out cold for three months. Tyson later claimed to have taken a dive to please his banker, King Don of Ghettoria, but with the glass-jaw exposed, his real career in head-bashing was effectively over.
- Professional Record: Final tally out of 50 Professional fights was 52 wins by KO inside Round One, 3 wins by KO before Round One, 34 no contests, 6 losses at weight in, 1 loss by KO, 2 prison sentences, and 1 bankruptcy.
With nothing to do and no money left, Tyson began to terrorize the planet, manifesting his 'Bad Nigger Attitude' for exactly what it is, viz., a bad nigger attitude. After losing a string of exhibition bouts, he finally became a real-blues singer, most acclaimed for his rendition of, And It Ain’t Even Fun! (Sung to the tune of House of the Rising Sun), and I'm A Man (The Yardbirds' version). To be unfrank, Tyson’s life and Dick Headed style are so disgusting that we will only give his-story in outline form below. That way you can get this horrible article over-with as fast as inhumanly possible. Remember, we're talking about a man who eats children for breakfast!
Notable Quotes By & About Mike Tyson
“Ta keep me from killin' ya-all!”
“My power is discombobulatingly devastating. I could feel his nose-bone collapse into his brain under my force. It's ludicrous these mere mortals even attempt to enter my Hood!”
“Well, I never inhaled!”
“Everybody said he was invincible and nobody never even threw a single punch at 'em. So I thought, 'go-on, man, take a poke!' And sure 'nough he was out cold!”
“I shouldn't-a fucked all them bitches King Don brought after weigh in!”
“At 10,000 to 1 odds for Tyson, I bet my life savings on Douglas!”
“Desiree Washington is the only slut on Earth with the balls to admit to having sex with Mike Tyson. This extinguishes her as one of the bitches who are known to have actually slept with Mike Tyson, along side of Fay Wray, Jessica Lange, and Naomi Watts.”
Example
His-story
Youth
Unfortunately.
Reform School
Fortunately.
Released from Reform School
Unfortunately.
Career in Boxing
Wins Golden Gloves
Fortunately.
Misses Olympic Games
Unfortunately.
Turns Pro
Fortunately.
Joins King Don
Unfortunately.
Wins Superweight Title
Fortunately.
Kicks Out Trainer Kevin Rooney
Unfortunately.
Defends Superweight Title 28 Times
Fortunately.
Takes on No-body Buster Douglas
Unfortunately.
Tyson v/s Douglas: See Tyson take the first punch ever in his career.
Loses Title by Being Punched
Fortunately.
Personal Life
Marriage to Robin Givens
Unfortunately.
Rapes Some Hot Bitch
Fortunately.
Goes to Prison
Unfortunately.
Has Peter North as a Cell Mate
Fortunately.
Loses the Best Years of His Career
Unfortunately.
Finds God in Jail
Fortunately.
That God is Allah
Unfortunately.
Divorce from Robin Givens
Fortunately.
Gets Spider-web Tattooed on Face
Unfortunately.
Earns $300,000,000 in Career and Endorsements
Fortunately.
Gives ALL Money to King Don's Banking Corporation
Unfortunately.
Retires Bankrupt in Humiliation
Fortunately.
Takes Up Singing Career
Unfortunately.
Conclusion
This Article is Almost Over
Fortunately.
Mike Tyson Is Still A-round
Unfortunately.
Forget About The Ass-hole
Fortunately.
Sorry! Still a little more to go
UnFortunately.
Also See
Mike Tyson Facts of Little Importance
- Mike Tyson, pretending to be special, like 24’s Jack Bauer, ate the children of Lennox Lewis before they were even conceived.
- Tyson once knocked out a boxer 1.13 seconds before the start of Round One.
- Tyson was once knocked out by a Kangaroo 1.13 seconds before the start of weight in.
- Mike Tyson was the oldest boxer ever to win the title in his first fight.
- Elephant Tranquillizers are hooked on Mike Tyson.
- Tyson's career ended when it became known that the best defense against Tyson was ANY offense.
- Laird Hamilton dared Tyson to paddle-out at Jaws on a 50 foot day. Laird called him a "wimp!" "Ha! Baddest man on the planet! Yeah? Hey, lets go surfing, dude!"
- When Prof. Stephen Hawking was asked if Tyson was THE 'Missing Link', he blinked his eyes, "Get the fuck outta here!"
- Mike Tyson ate his own daughter and claimed it was accidental disappearance.
- Mike Tyson was labled "dickless" after he punched out his own manhood during 15 rounds in the ring. He's been fucked by the embaressment ever since.
- Mike Tyson was a Sith Apprentice in training while being seduced to the Dark Side of the Force, but was expelled by Darth Sidious saying that the dark one was too aggresive towards his master. Tyson punched out his master & shoved his lightsaber up his master's ass to seal his bunghole because he farted dead on his face during training. No clue who trained Tyson, but no Dark Lord of the Sith does not want to train him because they say that "The dark one is so fucked with life as it is!"
Mike Tyson On Women
"What I want in a woman is protection. Loyalty. Companionship. Loyalty, friendship, companionship, ferociousness. I want her to protect me, and have my back to the bitter end. If I have a fight, I want her to jump in. Even if I'm winning; even if she's ninety pounds. I like strong women—not necessarily a masculine woman—but I like strong women. I like strong, say a woman who runs a C.E.O. corporation. I like a strong woman with confidence—massive confidence—and then I want to dominate her sexually."
Tyson formula
Mike Tyson On Religion
"I feel like sometimes that I was born, even I know I was "unleashed", and that I'm not meant for this society because everyone here is a fucking hypocrite. Everybody says they believe in God, but they don't believe in me, and I'm god in my hood. Everybody counteracts what God is really about. If Jesus was here, do you think Jesus would last one round against me? Do you think Jesus would love me? I'm a Muslim, but do you think Jesus would love me ... I think Jesus would have a toot with me and discuss ... why you acting like that, dumb mothafucka? But, he would be cool. He would spar with me. No Christian ever did that and said in the name of Jesus even ... They'd throw me in jail and write bad shit about me and then go to church on Sunday and say Jesus is a wonderful man and he's coming back to kick my ass. But they don't understand that when he comes back, that these crazy greedy capitalistic men are gonna kill him again. And when they do, I'll be glad to eat him! Cause there ain't nothing gonna taste better than the body of Christ"ESPN Reference.
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