Midgets
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“I love them. They're the closest I can get to pedophilia without getting arrested.”
~ Oscar Wilde on midgets
“Midgets are the Devil... Why do you think God made them so small?”
~ Ronald Reagan on midgets
Midgets (Latin name Heightius minimus), are like regular people, except conveniently compressed into a handy, travel-sized frame.
Some history books have reportedly claimed that midgets are not human they are human but just suck at everything that they do. As the claim suggests, midgets are basically FREAKS OF NATURE but in their 5533 year history have been known to settle near or around the 23rd parallel half way north of Intercourse, South Dakota, USA.
Midgets also seem to be unable to have sex with regular-sized people. This seems to be how they continue to propagate even though they're genetic profile is recessive and inferior. A Male midget have penises much too small to penetrate a regular vagina properly (think smaller than a below average Chinaman. Female midgets have vagina incapable of taking in a penis larger than the size of say a below average Chinaman.(size reference only). Now if its a Male Chinese Midget, there is a good chance there is no penis to be seen but actually an outie bellybutton like nub which is called the proto-penis.
In fact, such an skewed understanding of the species known as "the Midge" is precisely to their plan and engineerin TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD
It is a very common misconception that midgets can be domesticated and kept as house-hold pets. Although midgets may seem cute and fun to play with, they are in fact very aggressive animals that will attack and kill their prey without warning.
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[edit] Midgets? a New Species?
It was recently discovered in the Jungles of Papua New Guinea that there is a new branch of the evolution tree that we humans belong in. This recent discovery was confirmed as a new type of species through extensive DNA research and has been given the title Tanus Midgetius le smullius penisy or Brian McGregor. Furthermore it is confirmed by representatives of J.R.R. Tolkien that these little midget men were in fact the inspiration for Frodo and his Hobbit friends, also inspiring Brian to kill Aragon and His mother with a broken lawn chair,
[edit] Confusion with Dwarfs
It was originally thought that midgets and dwarfs were the same thing. Research done in 2007 shows that this is wrong. Midgets don't have beards, and therefore lack the +3 hammer ability and frost resistance that dwarfs have.
It must also be noted that midgets have no mining skills, unlike their Dwarfish counterparts. Furthermore, it has become increasingly difficult in modern times to find a midget who can smith you a sword.
Midgets are also able to have alliances with Wizards, while dwarfs are primarily private creatures who tend to dwell in caves(crevasse)with other dwarfs.
[edit] What to call "little people"?
Numerous little people have come public saying that terms such as "midget" and "elf" are offensive. However, supreme court ruling in 2006 ruled that the terms are acceptable. As long as when someone confronts a midget they do not punt them, they can point their finger and call them a midget to their hearts desire. They can even kidnap them and hold them hostage and dress them up as little elves if they wish, as stated in the 18.5th amendment: "Midgets have no Rights." But beware for chuck norris often hides in the costume of a midget, and he will rip your balls off. Even if your a women
Another good name to call them is Vulcan110
[edit] "Midgefication"
[edit] "Being Midgeficated"
Alot of people believe that people are born as midgets. This is wrong. Every person is born normal. Some people however are taken away as children by the secret group of midgets and are "midgeficated." Being "midgeficated" is when you are injected with the midgets hi-tech shrinking drug. This drug only effects you when you are older. You are then returned back to your home. If you know anyone who has been midgeficated please tell the F.B.I. MIDGETS MUST BE STOPPED BEFORE IT'S TO LATE!!!!!
[edit] eski-midgets
eski-midgets are exactly the same as regular midgets but have one or two differences. 1: the have no teeth. 2:the love chewing gum, steak, carrots, corn, and gob stoppers. 3:live to about 0-??? years of age. 4:usualy die around the same time as they grow teeth. 5:just to confirm that they have no teeth and never grow them what so ever. 6:male midgets have penis. 7:females have both. 8:they are covered in scales and have smooth fur. 9:there minds are the sam size as a orange. (were not sure how large a orange's mind is.)
[edit] People who have been known to have been "midgeficated"
- Ronnie Corbet
- Wee Man
- The guy who did that sex tape. Mini Me
- The one on the left.
Erin Kempher
[edit] Short People
Not to be confused with the Midget, the short person (Pl. Short Peoples) is able to grow taller, but has simply stopped. In general, Short Peoples are accredited as being the major cause of global warming, with teenage angst coming in as a close second. When one of these “Short Peoples” (Or as they are called in the scientific community, “Freaks”) enters a time when they would be normally experiencing a growth spurt, they do not grow and the energy wasted (ΔH) is transformed directly into greenhouse gases, or “hot air”, which also solves the other age-old dilemma or whether short people “suck” or “blow”. (They do, in fact, blow)
[edit] Caroline Ann Duffy Cresswellige
She has not been Migificated but she is still quite short. We all love her though. Sie hat lange blonde harre und ist semlich klein. shes also a porn star
[edit] Combating Global Shortening
It is generally accepted that the best tool for combating global shortening is the Guillotine, but thanks to certain unreasonable and entrenched bureaucrats calling murder a “crime” we must use a much less effective technique for combating our common enemy, thank you very much Rosie O’Donnell! The other method is to constantly bombard the polluter with “short jokes”. (Good ones, mind you). Doing so causes the Short Person to “fume”, giving you a nice buzz and allowing these dangerous gasses to be released in less dangerous ways, mostly in the form of “rage”, which is harvested as a major component of fish sticks. So, please do the world a favor by berating/eliminating any Short Peoples you may come across. Remember, for every short person you eliminate, the world becomes a better place to live.
[edit] See also
- Feral midgets[[Media:Media:Example.ogg[[Media:Media:Example.oggMedia:Example.ogg]]]]
