Midgets
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MIDGETS ARE COOL AND IF U CALL THEM U CAN A PRISON SENTENCE
“I love them. They're the closest one can get to the future of mankind without getting arrested.”
~ Oscar Wilde on midgets
ALSO YOU CAN GET ARESSTED FOR CALLING SOMEONE WHO ISNT A MIDGET BUT SMALL
“Midgets are the Devil... Why do you think God made them so small?”
~ Ronald Reagan on midgets
“In Soviet Russia, midgets sexually abuse YOU!!”
~ Russian Reversal on midgets
Midgets (Homo minusculeous), are like regular people, except conveniently compressed into a handy, travel-sized frame.
Some history books have reportedly claimed that midgets are not human. Others claim they are in fact human kind evolved (Homo minusculeous). As the claim suggests, midgets are more or less superhuman. Their 5,500 some-odd year history is rich in paranormal activity. Midget spiritual practices differ from those of the less developed taller species of man. Whereas man questions the universe and ponders God, Midgets are adept at simply manifesting accurate existential answers at will, preeminent of any would-be questions thereof.
It is a very common misconception that midgets can be domesticated and kept as house-hold pets. Although midgets may seem cute and fun to play with, they are in fact very aggressive animals that will attack and kill their prey without warning.
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[edit] Confusion with Dwarfs
For many years it was thought that midgets and dwarfs were one race. Research from 1977 shows that this is incorrect. Whereas midgets are capable of shaving facial hair, the course beard of a dwarf hinders any practical means of shaving. Furthermore midgets lack the +3 hammer ability and frost resistance that dwarfs have. It must also be noted that midgets have no intrinsic mining skills, further widening the special gulf between them and their socially mistaken look-a-likes. One interesting similarity, however, is that like dwarfs, midgets are fully capable of having alliances with Wizards. certain people find it funny how people are much shorter and may make the barracuda sign to them.
[edit] What To Call 'Little People'
Numerous little people have come public saying that terms such as "midget" and "elf" are offensive. However, supreme court ruling in 2006 ruled that the terms are acceptable. As long as when someone confronts a midget they do not punt them, they can point their finger and call them a midget to their hearts desire. They can even kidnap them and hold them hostage and dress them up as little elves if they wish, as stated in the 18th amendment (Section four, chapter six): "Midgets have no Rights."
[edit] The Ancient Theory of Midgefication
Many races once believed that every human is born normal, but that some are Migified. These were believed to be taken away as children by an underground group of midgets for the midgefication. Needless to say such myths are long since disproven.
[edit] Short People
Not to be confused with the Midget, the short person (Pl. Short Peoples) is able to grow taller, but has simply stopped. In general, Short Peoples are accredited as being the major cause of global warming, with teenage angst coming in as a close second. When one of these “Short Peoples” (Or as they are called in the scientific community, “Freaks”) enters a time when they would be normally experiencing a growth spurt, they do not grow and the energy wasted (ΔH) is transformed directly into greenhouse gases, or “hot air”, which also solves the other age-old dilemma or whether short people “suck” or “blow”. (They do, in fact, bpeople. low)
[edit] Cocky Short People
These are by far the worst species of midget/short people. As their height is not their strong point, they make up for it by acting as cocky as possible, and showing off or making themself look hard, in the same way that inects fight eachother, because like short people they are small and insignificant. However, a short person can only be classed as a 'Cocky Short Person' by the following; 1. Dresses like a complete douchebag. 2. Walks like a penguin, they believe that this makes them look hard. 3. Pays a lot of time to their hair. 4. Puffs their chest out to show off their weedy, rib bulging torso, yet they believe that they are huge 5. Attempts to insult people of normal heights by telling them of the nurmerous times they beat up someone, or 'made out' with someone, although they make most of this up.
A 'Short Cocky Person' is a close relation of that of that of the douchebag, chode and the micropenis, all of which are mockable and insignificant. If you know a 'Short Cocky Person' it is recommended that you should either shoot them, or gather a large group of people to stand on a desk/table, thus making them feel even smaller therefore destoying them.
[edit] Combating Global Shortening
It is generally accepted that the best tool for combating global shortening is the Guillotine, but thanks to certain unreasonable and entrenched bureaucrats calling murder a “crime” we must use a much less effective technique for combating our common enemy, thank you very much Rosie O’Donnell! The other method is to constantly bombard the polluter with “short jokes”. (Good ones, mind you). Doing so causes the Short Person to “fume”, giving you a nice buzz and allowing these dangerous gasses to be released in less dangerous ways, mostly in the form of “rage”, which is harvested as a major component of fish sticks. So, please do the world a favour by berating/eliminating any Short Peoples you may come across. Remember, for every short person you eliminate, the world becomes a better place to live.
