From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“I raised the alarm at work today. The midgets were furious.”
The Midgets are the result of the evolution of the common big toe (circa 3,000,000 B.C.E.). After years of being stepped on, the earliest midgets detached from their hosts and went into the wild. These "toes" were to remain hidden for the next million years. Some went wild 'to the max', and these midgets are now referred to as Feral midgets. Please note that while they're small & annoying like midgets, Ewoks are more closely related to Oompah Loompahs.
edit Unknown facts
Colin "STD" Bryce (STD stands for Shoot them Dwarves) was once the king of the Little people, and famed producer of Midget Sluts on tour 2001.
Midgets, dwarves, or "Little People" as they supposedly like to be called are a very deceptive "race" of folk.
We assume them to be a sorry breed, all short and deformed, but this is a conspiracy as big as things like the Illuminati, Skull and Bones, Freemasons or the Club of Rome.
They are in fact a race of the richest people in the world who live underground, usually under hills, and some may even have their fingers in some very powerful and conspiratorial pies.
Who would breed if they knew their offspring would be all short and deformed? No One!
Who would let two deformed people breed in the knowledge their offspring too would suffer their fate? No One!
Yet these folk still walk the earth. Why?
The truth is its not that they are deformed humans, or Homo Sapiens, but another race of humanoids, breeding in the shadows of the fact that sometimes genes do odd things, using Real disability as their disguise.
They have bred, and passed down their knowledge and wealth, generation to generation for thousands of years, living outside of our normal circles and ways, possibly plotting diabolical schemes, or laughing at us.
They have become a watching eye, knowing us unlike we do, watching from outside and learning.This is why they are powerful to those in the seats of power and corruption, those with their fingers always on "the button".
They have become wildly wealthy in there subterranean worlds, a weath unseen by us surface dwellers , selling their knowledge and hording their gold, jewels and precious gems and idols.
And we are taught by those in power that they are like us, just a little "different", but Why? Who would want to hide the truth? Statistics from the "pseudo medical", and totaly conspiratorial www.dwarfism.org , watch how they blame it on genes, watch how they manipulate and use our science against us:
It is a well known fact that midgets truly love their potatoes, here is evidence of a hobbit (very similar to a midget) demanding potatoes.
Estimated Worldwide Dwarf Population: There are many conditions and diseases that can cause short stature. Some of these conditions involve a primary bone disorder - the bones do not grow and develop normally. These conditions are called skeletal dysplasia. Over 500 specific skeletal dysplasias have been identified. Of these, Achondroplasia is the most common, affecting about 80% of all Little People. An individual with Achondroplasia has disproportionate short stature. It occurs in all races and with equal frequency in males and females, and affects about one in every 40,000 children (this was the most conservative estimate available). World Population as of (6/6/2002) = 6,250,000,000 (6,250,000,000 / 40,000) / 0.8 = 195,313 Little People (Worldwide)
More than 195,313 of these "people" existed in 2002, I am forced to wonder how many currently haunt the deeper recesses of our globe?.
What is their agenda , what do they want from us, or more frighteningly, what do they want to become of us?
They are rarely seen on the surface, and when they are they have an air of power and potent mental control, You will see the way that people try not to look at them or ignore them and try to act like its not "different" or "strange" , this is their "olde majik" at play in our minds , trying to make us never see them , like they are invisible so they can get on with their plotting , reconsissace and deviant behavior.
The time is now for war, people, to stand up and storm the underworld.
If not now when? Wen its too late?
We need to shout so loud that they can no longer hide from our critical and prying eyes, from our uncomfortable staring and mocking children, so they can no longer hide from the awful truth!
I bid you good day!
Some contend that midgets (or "midgits", as they are know to the Pastafarians) were created by the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the likeness of a human (despite the fact that midgits predate humans in Pastafarian theology). There is still much debate as to which of the theories, midget evolution or midgit creationism, is correct. The official victor of this dispute is to be determined by the Kansas Board of Education.
edit Midget Tossing
Every so often a festival is held to honour the midgets of the world, in this festival there is the midget tossing event. To have a successful throw you have to put your preferred hand of the midgets tiny penis and testes and your other hand into the eyes or nostrils of it. (You used to be able to hold the mouth until the midgets bit off the people's fingers when they were hungry) then fling your midget as far as you can into a pile of mud or a bin depending on the state laws. The winner is the midget that goes the farthest. "Midget Hunting" can commonly be seen at these festivals as well. This festive game is played by 20-50 midgets run and hide in a certified "midget hunting zone". Then, once again depending on state laws, 5-10 normal sized beings have 20 minutes to go and find the midgets. Whichever human has found the most before time runs out, wins.
edit Midget as a descriptor for people
Many such people find the term "midget" extremely offensive, and prefer the term "little person"
edit Fictional Midgets
- The Midget: The Midget is the bad guy from the cartoon Fire Fighters. His plan is to take over the world using various methods such as armies and inventions.
- Barney Rubble on The Flintstones, him and his retarded laugh.