From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This page is or discusses a loony and/or nutty conspiracy theory of which Uncyclopedia vehemently denies knowledge and existence. The black helicopters are not ^on their way.|
Microsoft is a computer company loved by millions of people in the known and unknown universe. Daily people call, email or teleport to Microsoft to express their unconditional love. Many people journey to see Bill Gates to ask him to bless their children. Microsoft is loved for its rock solid software, undeniable performance benifits, and for embracing the complete adoption of open standards.
However there are those who believe Microsoft couldn't possibly be all that. In fact, the number of conspiracies about why Microsoft is or isn't all that run in the trillions. We loyal Microsoft lovers will explain these awful conspiracies and who perpetrated them in hopes of exposing them for what they really are.
Love Pill #95
Life forms only started loving Microsoft after the great Pharmaceuticals Buyout of 2020. After the buyout, Microsoft started doing experiments to try to develop a new vitamin pill. They claim that Microsoft introduced bugs that had the benefit of making life forms loyal to them. Microsoft announced soon after the pills were released for the universe to consume that discontinued use of the pill causes instant death. Microsoft recommends continued use, until a patch, due shortly, is made available.
In the film star wars there is the very large, unnatural star, which when zoomed in on repeatedly, has been shown to be made up of the word microsoft. The makers of the film did not make this, and thus the only possible explanation is tampering with the film during some rather dull and boring editing being done on Microsoft machines.
The truth: George Lucas sold his soul to Evil Inc, which is a subsidiary of Microsoft Universe Domination Advantage Project. Every pixel in the movie is made up of red, green, blue or black versions of the Windows Vista logo which improves movie quality and makes it easier for you to know who your Jedi master is.
This conspiracy is believed to have been started by a color-blind dog named Snoop Dogg.
Amnesia part 2
I strangely dont remember writing part 1...
Microsoft took the personal computer market by storm with the introduction of low priced quality software in 1935. Microsoft was investigated by the Better Business Burrual for suspicion of unlawful union practises. In the months following the investigation, it was revealed that Bill Gates was using the labor of an infinite number of monkeys with typewriters to create software in order to increase profit margins. Microsoft, soon after, patented the idea of using animal labor to write things.
The truth: Bill Gates was already employing animals way back in 1530. He used a herd of yaks to produce copies of the bible for King James, which had some degree of success, although abit inaccurate, causing many splinter religions to form... and in 1777 he was contracted by the American colonies to draft the American Constitution, in which he used 1700 lemurs with crayons.