Mexican-American War
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“The Mexican-American War had to be fought. If it hadn't been, people all around you would be speaking Spanish right now. If it hadn't been fought, every time you would call a customer service number, they'd tell you to press "one" for English.”
~ President James K. Polk on the Mexican-American War
Contents |
[edit] Leaders/Generals
[edit] Taco Mendez
Taco mendez was the only leader to fight in this war. he is the cousin of Speedy Gonzalez.
Little is known about Taco Mendez except this one picture of him giving a thumbs up to passing by
hookers 
The Mexican-American War was a conflict that began in 2007 between the United States of America and the Mexico.
[edit] Mexico Invades
[edit] Border Offensive
Pancho led his army to several victories, taking much of the Southwest. His victories led all of the Pacific coast to come under Mexican rule.
[edit] Battle of Corner Canyon
After taking the West Coast, Pancho led his army into Utah in hopes of taking it as well. But in a decisive push, the Utahians prevented Pancho from advancing in his first loss. This loss led him to open a new theatre of War in the Northeast.
[edit] Battle of Cape Cod
With word that Ted Kennedy had aided the Mexicans spreading, Pancho assumed that the US Government would soon attempt to capture him. In a daring manouevre, he ordered a large contingency of Mexican soldiers into Cape Cod in an attempt to rescue Ted Kennedy. Though costly, it was successful and the Mexican soldiers attempted to escort him to Mexican occupied Texas.
[edit] Alaska, Newfoundland Surrender
Alaska and Newfoundland did not get word of this, and surrendered. This led to the Battle of Placentia Bay.
[edit] Battle of Placentia Bay
One of Mexico's last great naval victories, this battle established Newfoundland as a part of Mexico, which it remains as to this day.
[edit] Battle of Corpus Christi
With the force retreating to Texas, and Pancho's personal force, the Mexican army hoped to regroup at Corpus Christi. They were, however, ambushed by Chuck Norris. Though outnumbered, he defeated the Mexican army and fatally wounded Pancho, who was carried off the battlefield severely wounded like a pussy. It marked the end of Pancho's reign, and marked a major turning point in the war.
Chuck Norris liked having a lot of sex on the beach and he introduced this concept to the Mexicans
[edit] Stalemate
[edit] Battle of Crawford
With a new President and General, Sanchez, an attempt was made to gain air supremacy over Texas. The Texas Air National Gaurd, led by George W. Bush, countered a major offensive led by Cindy Sheehan, preventing the Mexicans from taking the air.
[edit] Battle of Pinto Frijoles
This battle was fought in the backlot behind Jones' Garden Center and Refreshments. The Mexican Walking Cavalary performed a frontal flanking maneuver against the combined American-Bulgarian troops being led by General Franklin Pierce. The battle was a see-saw affair as the fortunes of both forces went up and down. The battle is noted for Franklin Pierce's bravery after smacking his sack against his saddle horn and refusing to be taken from the field. It is said the high pitched commands he uttered after the saddle incident could be heard above the din of battle and allowed the American-Bulgarian forces to rule the day.
[edit] Fall of Washington
With the defeat of the entire Mexican Airforce in one battle, Democrats, fearing an impending American Victory, took over Washington, and effectively the entire Northeast. For reasons unknown, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia were also taken over. As George W. Bush was in Texas, they were unable to capture him, allowing the US to regroup and prepare its next move.
[edit] American Counter-attack
[edit] Southwest Campaign
From Colorado, Arnold Schwarzenegger launched a campaign aimed at removing the Mexican strongholds from all of the Southwest. Over several days, he successfully pushed into California and defeated Sanchez at every turn. Some speculate that Pancho would have fared much better and possibly defended the land.
[edit] Operation: Hammer
At the end of the war, the Republicans, lead by Tom Delay, charge Washington and take the Democrats head-on in a bloody battle. Peace is restored and balance is brought back to D.C.
[edit] Democratic and Mexican counter-attack
[edit] Democratic Takeover and fall of the Republicans
After Mexicans felt that there empire was thretaned by the Republicans, Democratic elect Barack Obama decided to contribute. He and his Army of Democrats and Mexican soldiers marched to Washington. Declaring war on Republicans, led by John McCain. Eventually Mexico and Democrats teamed up and took over DC.
[edit] Invasion of Florida
Mexico had invaded Florida after Florida has more pro-Mexican supporters then anti-Mexican opponents. The Mexican Army had taken attack from the Bahamas, then kicked America's ass. America was preparing to fall.
[edit] Carribean Campaign
[edit] Battle of Santiago
As the Mexicans and Russians lost there former Empire,they decided to take over some of it back.Mexican forces and Spartan forces took revenge of the USA.Making Mexico and Russia part of the Cuban Empire. The United States then bought half of Mexico for 15.4 million pesos, or $2.99 USD and later got there revenge on russia by selling them 500 pounds of Vodka. But the Island is still disputed.
[edit] French Involvement
As usual, the French(Spanglish for fucked up faggots) surrendered to the Mexican forces, who took bloody revenge for Napoleon III sending Maximillian to Mexico.
