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Meth
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“Meth, thinning out the herd one tweek at a time.”
~ Jason Joyner on meth.
“Get these hairs all out of my face, get these bugs all out of my place, one more hit no time to waste meth ooh meth!”
~ Oscar Wilde on meth.
“Where?!”
~ Fergie on meth.
“She's Even more oblivious than me! How do you smoke this stuff again??”
~ Captain Oblivious on meth.
“Who needs meth when you've got heroin?”
~ Renton on meth.
Yep, right in the little tube... but don't look too closely.
Meth or methamphetamine is a diet powder created by Donald Trump for Rosie O'Donnell. Meth was originally thought to be a gift from God sent to heal sick fish. Originally grown on trees and recently made from a combination of battery acid, pseudoephedrine, and drain cleaner, Meth can be huffed, snorted, smoked, or injected. It is now known mostly for its Kitten like qualities, and the only drug available to small town hicks living in redneck country.
Meth is not be confused with METH, or Martians for the Ethical Treatment of Humans. This is a human right group run by aliens. This is good since there are only two human rights groups run by humans; versus 2,987 animal rights groups.
Contents |
[edit] History
Discovered by Reno,Santa clause and the easter bunny and Douggie the Druggie whilst in search of Apache Junction, Arizona, it was immediately exported to redneck country where it could be tested for side-effects. With only a few minor birth defects, and some stomach irritation, scientists concluded that is was no worse than cigarettes and recommended it as a medication to soothe the mind. It was popularized in 1980 when Ronald Reagan appeared in advertisements soliciting its smooth taste. However after several deadly attempts at harvesting the drug by people living in the back of their van, the remainder was locked in a safe and the key was hidden under the love seat.
In the early 90's it was discovered that meth could be an instant cure for teen boredom a major affliction of our time
[edit] Cultural side effects of Meth
Droning on for 5 days straight in the drum'n'bass room in soulseek if your name is Doug. Every time you take a hit of Meth, God kills a Trojans fan. Picking at skin until sores appear. Cancerous brain tumors that make you hear voices. These voices tell you to kill others and take their cold medicine.
[edit] New Meth
At about the same time the New Coke came out, so did New Meth. New Meth was created by frequent users of the drug who couldn't find the key to the safe. Its contents include Vynardadine Ephedrine, Butane and French Noblemen. Sure, it's ingredients were poisonous when separate, but together they were even more poisonous. New Meth quickly became the most popular drug among 9-30 year-old bald homosexual men and bisexuals between the age of 3 and 12. A sharp contrast to New Coke, which due to a lawsuit brought by Al Pacino and Robert Deniro, failed miserably.
[edit] Meth Classic
Falling the demise of New Meth the love of Meth Classic increased 50 Fold. The stuff couldn't stay on the shelves. New York, Denver, and Atlanta all reported of riots of the now hard to find Meth Classic. To make up for the demand the CEO of Meth Classic decided to open up more factories. These factories would be smaller and in more rural areas. "Trailers", as the CEO of Meth Classic called them, would soon be a household name and provide the oh so loved Meth Classic.
[edit] Meth Clear
This meth came out in the mid 90's to help supplement the "clear drug craze", it was quickly discontinued after it it was discovered that it doesn't actually exist. "them crazy meth junkies didn't know what hit Em'" - Meth dealer
[edit] Explosive Tendencies
Although not as dangerous as the old , due to dangerous ingredients such as: Anything Flammable, and Lots of Sparks, New \could still be harmful to human beings. Most cases brought against New \manufacturers were dropped, due to an extreme lack of intelligence on the behalf of the user. However, some were allowed to proceed to trial. This caused million dollar losses within Big Companies, and in 1987, all flammable components of were removed. The change caused riots in the cornfields, and tractor burnings nation-wide. The sober farmboys and farmgirls could not get the desired high from what was left of, and they couldn't explode the containers when they were done.
[edit] Effects
Everybody knows meth makes you stronger, faster, smarter, all in all, a much better specimen in every way, especially mentally. There is no limit to what the human brain and body can accomplish on meth. For example, one could easily learn to disassemble a VCR or better yet, combine two nice BMX bikes into one shotty half working model, and these activities are profoundly more interesting than usual. Scientific study shows that risk of psychosis while using meth is several hundred times lower than in non-users, and therefore, the governments of France, Thailand, and Paraguay all give meth to babies as standard procedure after birth. Though condemned by, among others, Ron Jeremy, Sean Penn, The philly fanatic, Wrestling's Goldust, Enrique Iglesias and Sarah McLaughlin, WHO experts say the practice of infantile meth ingestion will effectively wipe out hunger in those countries, as well as the aforementioned psychologically positive effects being enjoyed by the rest of the populous. The only known negative side effect is that one's teeth itch profusely. Meth can bring tendencies to attempt a round house kick, or some sort of elbow drop into the cribs or high chairs of young african infants. Another side effect noted was the urge to take q-tips and individually insert them up the users anus. This is known as ass-queing. Ass-queing is one of many fatal side effects that exist amongst methamphetamine abusers, and leads to the tragic deaths of 46% of the residents of Antarctica. Unfortunately, the drug is also spreading through the innocent habitats of the penguins and polar bears, causing them to rob gas stations for Q-Tips to perform ass-queing. Polar bears remain on the endangered species list due to this.
[edit] Ghettosweet!
lately, in the "Guh-heddos" as you youngsters call it, smugglers of Meth have started using the clever disguise of candy, and the company "Ghettosweet" is the first to use this trick, they have created "Methos", "Meth Daddies", "Methey's", "Meth and Mike", "meth & Ms",and many many more. The CEO of Ghettosweet, "Jay Jizzley" has been arrested, and he refuses to talk."
[edit] Cold Medicine
All that was left of Meth when the flammable ingredients were removed was the semi-flammable pseudoephedrine. At first, as stated above, users were outraged. But they soon discovered that when used in complete excess, you could achieve certain side-affects including: Nervousness, Dizziness, Sore throat, Diharrea, and AIDS. And get this, if you took it with alcohol (which was custom back then) you could even die! Such side-affects provoked a new found faith in Meth, and encouraged yet another generation to become users. The renewed popularity of Meth caused other drugs to be discovered. A particular one, favorite of Kurt Cobain, was called Cough Syrup. It came with a better taste and more side-affects, ranging from fever to "obscure rashes found on the body." In fact, New' New Meth, as it came to be known, was so popular that when the New Meth was re-introduced as Original New Meth in 1994, no one cared. If looking for a fantastic high, it is strongly suggested that you take the chosen cold medicine and directly inject it into your arteries. This may cause either a strong euphoria or projectile vomiting, our studies haven't portrayed a strong answer to this great mystery.
[edit] Currently
Currently Meth is used as an over the counter medicine to treat the common cold. The original New Meth is circulated throughout the midwest, but will never be as popular as New New Meth. In fact, it is now thought the Original New Meth will eventually become extinct due to its corrsive components. But don't worry, because New New Meth isn't going anywhere. And neither is Waldo. It is also said that meth-heads don't get sick. Seeing as meth is made out of cold medicine.
Meth is also a good way to kill smelly people.
 | Mommy's Medicine Cabinet |
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Adderall | Aspirin | Beavers | Caffeine | Care Bear Heroin | Cheerios | Cocaine | Codeine | Coffee | Cracked Corn | Crystal Meth | Dexedrine | HeadOn | Kittens | LSD | Medicine | Mountain Dew | Opium | Poison | Prozac | Ritalin | Roofies | Side effects | The World's Most Powerful Drug | Tylenol | Valium | Viagra |
[edit] Crank
A bath tub brew preferred by outlaw bikers.Bikers discovered placing some meth in the crank cases of the Harley Davidson motorcycle got rid of the clunking and grinding on there motorcycles and added more speed.Hence the term crank a slang term used by the outlaw bikers.Harley Davidson does not recommend the use of crank in the crank case of there motorcycle due to teeth loose,open sores,staying up for days at a time and the fact you will be to broke to make your payments on your bike.
