Messenger nicks

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WARNING: This article has a lot of computer humour. If you don't understand it, you aren't a geek press Alt+F4 to optimize it.

WARNING: A lot of this article seems to have been written in English. This adds to the hilarity.

edit Messenger nicks

The messenger nicks are a demonstration of the personality of your friends. We can identify quickly the category of each one with the help of this simple guide.


edit Poets

The users of this category steal sentences or phrases (even entire poems) from famous poets in the best cases, in many cases, read from the Internet and stolen by the "copy-paste" technique or by their own invention. They mark their comments with unintelligible phrases like:

"My agonizing sighs cry for your soul because you have gone away to an island ".

Others even don't rhyme:

"Roses are red, violets are blue, wassup pals? I'm back".

Those new Shakespeares of the digital era should collect all of their phrases in a book and try to sell it. It's possible to make them desist of their attempt of becoming great poets by insinuations like:

"For a clean Messenger remove all the poets".

edit Political agitators

Their critic and rebel spirit impels them to write atrocities like:

"til biktory alwayz"
"da anahrkee libes"
"lets deztroi da konserveetz"
"--Nasi puncks fuk off--"
"fUk bNl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

There are righties too:

"I used to shoot all the socialists, natives and revolutionary people"
"God bless America!"
"The pope lives"

Those people are simply bored and want to talk with someone else.

Some people like to parody their contacts using inverse social engineering:

"Albert (in the Pakistan war)".

edit Whose wants attention at any price

These people writes prases like:

"I feel a great pain in... my heart"
"I'm satanic and only the Devil loves me"
"So evil even mom hates me."
"I just had an accident and now I'm feeling bad" [This user tries to get your attention by forcing you to feel sorry for him].

To make their friends ask quiestions like "Why this nick?" "Is it true?" and besides, have a conversation topic.

edit Conceited people

With phrases like:

"Lucy, that day was wonderful, you are like a wolf!"

Now everyone will know that was wonderful what happened with this guy. We don't know if Lucy (if she really exists) will take gracefully the fact that now everyone knows about her sexual abilities, but well.

Others don’t give names and write simply:

"I'm crazy for you darling"

It's a hidden attempt to make someone say "Tell me what happened" and increase their personal self-esteem.

Some are the "Conceited party goers" with nicks like:

"EXTRAORDINARY THAT NIGHT WITH THE FOREIGN WOMEN IN THE IBIZA CLUB"

This case is an attempt to impel us into thinking "What an exciting life! He is a great guy!". But he doesn't know that we don't care about his life and besides, it's just stupid.

edit Too social people

"FrAnKie,LoUiE,JuLiUs,HoWeE,jOaN,MaNu,RicKy,ReMy,mIkE,LeO,NikKo,aNdY, ILUVYA LOTS! (L) sOo HaNsoMe MEEEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"VrY HndSoMe, n0t MaRy?//WhAt a ShIt ILUVYA Cl@Ss!! IndY,(k)-lUzY,SalLy,vIkI,fRIENds FoReVer!
"john,michael,roxy,barbee,nika,mattthew,celest,ramon,paul,carl,franky,ilkeya pals"
"dA BeSt: LiOnEl,aNniE,pAuL,GaaBeE,tOmMy,jOhN,lOrReE,pAuLa,ClAuDiA"

Dedicates their nicks to all their friends or, at least, to five of them.

edit Strange symbols or colour nicks

Those who didn't install Messenger Plus Live see the category of strange symbols. They see their friends nicks filled with lots and lots of strange symbols that impel them into thinking that's the fashion:

"•$4545•$56574533•$(364,837,200)$•$45F•84849303•$•$•$003•$$o•$•$0x•$y•$(255,255,255)•$"

After installing that additional program, they discover that those strange symbols that used two screens simply meant:

"Foxy"

Or something shorter. This category becomes into the colour nicks category.

edit I'm stupid, admire me!

They're teenagers that are twelve to sixteen years old, that believe that pretending to be idiots or watching stupid shows they'll become popular. Unfortunately we discovered that these tactics works and those people are admired by their peers.

"the last episode of Dora the explorer was great"
"grace was incredible in the reality"
"JEFF HARDY ROX!!!!!!"

Others name themselves as idiots:

"PrEtTy IdIoT"

edit Descriptive or busy

"Taking the dog"
"Eating loin with potatoes"
"Cleaning the room"
"Doing poo in the restroom"
"Jackin' it"

Really incredible the ability of being in many places at once those people have. Comparable with their longing to find someone to talk with, even if the topic is the annoyance they cause. We can sink them in the misery with these nicks:

"Touching my ear without somebody to talk"
"Watching the ceiling"
"Wetting a cookie in a large, crystal glass filled with chocolate milk while I chat Messenger and watch TV without having something better to do".

If you want an easier method, only tell them that you don't care that much about the things they do.

edit Musical

They always have "on" the music they're listening to. This practice gives us an idea about their musical preferences and their artistic tastes. They are divided in three types:

  • General junk, sponsored by the record companies that know the mob preferences:
"Listening to Bruno Mars"
"Listening to the latest Britney's hits"
  • Elitist. Trying to awake us from the commercial claws:
"Plays Mozart - Serenade n 9 in bigger D KV 320 - I. Adagio Maestoso-Allegro con Spirito"
"Listening to something good: Creedence Clearwater Revival | Bayou Country: Graveyard Train"
  • Bizarre or chaotic: As soon as he's or she's ends listening to Chopin, they start to listen to Gory Extreme Death Metal or 50 Cent's "sex songs". We ask ourselves if they have many personalities or they're just trying to get attention.
"Pretty Excited with Brutal porngore metal - Duodildo Vibrator - Eyesockets Filled With Sperm Of Hippopotamus."
"Torturing myself with: David Allan Coe - Masturbation Blues."
Progers fall in this category.

edit Outdated

"OH NO, BUSH WON THE ELECTIONS AGAIN!!!"
"France Champion. Allez Allez 98!!!!"
"Clinton+Lewinsky=WOW!!!"
"Felipe Prince Just Married!!!"
"Windows Vista is SHIT!"
"Happy new year 2009 for all the friends"

These nicks offer additional information:

  • The users seldom connects.
  • They forgot how to change their nick.
  • That was the moment when they deleted and/or blocked you.

edit Minimalists

A rare kind. Unfortunately they aren't usual. If you see someone with a plain...

"Carl"
"Mary"
"Fran"

...in their nickname, you're beholding a rare phenomenon only comparable with a boreal aurora or a rare abyssal fish. But they could disappoint you if they connect for the first time and five minutes later they write something retarded.

It could be, though not very probable, that the contact is a adult or aged, that doesn't have nick-retardedness and just writes his or her first name.

And it could be also that the person is one of the few that reads, and writes the name in the upper text box and the personal message in the lower, where it belongs.

"

Santi
Some stories can't be told in words. Some legends are meant to die. Some bloodlines must come to an end.

"

edit Minimalist Geek

A minimalist variant. Instead of writing his/her real name, uses the name of his/her favorite videogame/movie/anime series character:

  • Kael [Warcraft]
  • Leonidas [300]
  • Kenshin Himura [Samurai X]
  • Kratos [God of War]
  • Anthony [Tibia]

They are usually together with something slightly geeky in the personal message (a website, blog...) and a normal message, like a comment.

edit Salespeople

Other species are the people whose try to sell you anything and sometimes, even ignore the kind of junk they're selling.

  • 16 MB RAM Memory for PC (they told me that it works great with Windows Vista) US$100.
  • Do you want to go to a very cool concert????? I have extra tickets for The Rasmus concert. They're cheep and in a good place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • I sell cibercam for cibersex. It's HD, so even your bugs will be seen!!!
  • Dear Housewife, I'm selling 5 gallons of Mister Clean by US$5 !!!!!!!!!!
  • Hot Dawgs!!! Buy your Hot Dauwgs here!!!!

edit Whose ask or advertise by boredom

  • Do someone knows when Madonna will sing tomorrow in the local stadium?
  • I just updated my blog, come in! :$ [also “post me”, “visit it” etc.].
  • Who already finished the biology homework?
  • I went to the Mini-Mart I'll be back in 5 minutes don't miss me [who will miss you in a 50 contacts list, idiot?]
  • It's blue with da grrrls :)(A).
  • Cool Marino's Touchdown YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
  • I sell a 2 GB iPod almost new with a very teensy little fracture in da screen by US$50 call me.

They have the fact of connecting and disconnecting at least fifteen, and as much forty times to announce (even if nobody else cares) or ask for something, until their contacts gets tired of them and blocks or delete them.

edit ASCII Heroes

With nicks filled of lots of ASCII symbols that are R£VuLZ!vө.

" @.2•$/ªNnIө\•$7MaRµ tHeRe iS A HuRrIkAnE wInD nOt?haha/MaRµ n' SuSiE->MAMA4EVER and MAMAMAMA tB\XpUnGeSuSiE-SqUaRePaNtS xD!!!yOr wAtEr AFeCtS xD/PS and CS=PC "

Other examples:

۝––––•(-••÷±‡±(¯`•._) **-_=!)!TH!\!()R@_** (¯`•._)±‡±÷•-)•––––۝
₪₪₪(¯`v´¯)₪₪₪۝ » ۝₪₪₪۝₪₪₪ ● Let Me Hold YoU. . Let Me LoVe YoU ₪₪₪(¯`v´¯)₪₪₪۝ » ۝₪₪₪۝₪₪₪

In this category are the superfluous people.

edit Null originality

"So are you good?"
"Oh! That smarts!"
"Oh! My God! They Killed Kenny! Sons of a Bitch!
"Why you don't shut up!"
"I have a Bad Romance."

They use outworn phrases; the worst is when they combine many phrases in one.

edit News people

"Real Madrid 3- Albacete 2. Zidane made a great goal!"
"Hijacked Airplane in Japan"
"There's a guy outside stabbing someone. I'll update you on if he dies later"

Who needs CNN with friends like these.

edit Who didn't discover how it works

"Frankie, bring me the CD's when you come to my house please"

They'll be surprised when discover that they can write the messages directly without using their nick like a message board. But maybe they know this already and their only intention is to inform everyone about their activities.

The second reason for this is when their internet connetion is very low and messages fail to send.

edit Who use it as a diary or future notebook

"I'm feEling soO bAd"
"soOPerpaRtY @ SuSiEs hOusE ThIs FrIdAy"
"StUDY tRaVeL to CaNaDA"
"NeeD 2 by cheese 4 mi mumz"

Need for announce... because they are in their best moment. Besides, they usually have a counter for their birthday because nobody will remember it, and this could be a disorder for their inner self. So by writing their birthday, people simply will congratulate them for doing it right. And the person will feel filled with FRIENDs!!

In this example, the girl says even two times how many days are left for her birthday:

"

Susie: The countdown begins, I'll be 20 years old and I'm still single. Will I celebrate a birthday with a boyfriend? 7 days left.
Ha ha ha only 7 days left.

"

edit Cryptics

They try to look interesting using nicks that have a strong need to be explained. This kind is based in foreign characters; mainly Japanese in hiragana, katakana and even a virtuous dares with kanjis. There's someone who goes beyond, show his hacker skills and writes in 1337.

"堕落天使" (Calamity Angel)
""ガブリエル" (Gabriel)
"|º|-|33|2 |\/|41 1337 5|<1|_|_2" (Pheer mai leet skillz -> Fear my elite skills)
"LL' DD" (Little and silly David)

They use any other artificial language spoken by less of 3 people in the world too (please look for Esperanto, Toki Pona, Polar Cenit, Klingon, AAAAAAAAA!, Muni...)

edit Phrasers

They use phrases of big thinkers of History to show their deep introspection and their incomparable reflexive ability. We can find anonymous or signed sentences.

"The physiologic adjoining enables a preset disharmony"
"Louis: The philosophy is a soul's quiet dialog with itself about the being (Plato)"
"The happiness is usually where you find it, rarely where you search it! (J. PETIT SENN).
"The life is a sh*t (Gothic)"
"In the future I will be cited in every Uncyclopedia article (Oscar Wilde)"
"Ah the humanity. I'm not me. (Homulus Tebius Tebi)"

edit Who've fallen into Cupid's nets

Normally, those above dedicate their entire nick to show to their mate how much they love him by a strange reason that the rest of their contacts don't know. These nicks can be scandalously telling to the boyfriend (it's a shame that he has a so insistent girlfriend) that he is the love of her life, she never will move away from him, he's the best event in her life... and all other silly things that at last won't never happen because two weeks later she will have another boyfriend and the cycle will be repeated. Generally these species are girls, because the boys use their nicks for other things (please see other sections) and always annoying too.

"(((¯`'•.•'¯)))x'«¤(¯`•»¤Annie¤«•'¯)¤»'x(¯`•»¤Love¤«•'¯) (¯`•»¤16-01-07¤«•'¯) ILYSM! (M)"

The other Variety is for the lonely guys who shelter in their "friends". We can say that they dedicate their nicks to half of their gang, a couple of cousins and more known people. They say that they love them so much and it's good that they have been born.

edit Subnormal people

They use Messenger to write silly things. They don't even have contacts, but they are recognizable by their stupid e-mail addresses like "everythinggoodforyourfamily@hotmail.com", "rare.4.who.reads@hotmail.com" and similar things.

edit Initialists

The typical stupid who writes nicks with the initials of the phrase that they want to say. For example:

wcisbg?

That means:

"

Why
Can't
I
Stop
Being
Gay?

"

edit Artificial Engrish Speakers

They have, cool nicks? Please! Even my 5 year old cousin speaks better than you! Those nicks blends hillbilly and bourgeois styles. This is the result:

  • andReA[..] >>tellll meee What Doo Ya feeeelll wHen yaaaa bbookk at meeee... [blushed emoticon]

Ah! When I “book” at you? “Book” what?

edit Notice

We didn't write the e-mail addresses of the sample contacts (with a few exceptions) to protect their privacy (besides, their private life isn't any interesting).

Spork This page was originally sporked from Inciclopedia.

edit Mash up

Some people are s0 unique that they mix 'n' match these attributes. + MaD MaXxIn3ii +LuuVz CyBeeRiiN WiiT mAh B0ii Fr13nDdXx (( dA LuuFfL33 Fr3D DaH Ki114h C0D MwW 2 KiiD )) {pSsS$T I HaaV N0 iD3a WaT C0D MwW iZ Bu7 iT S00nDz AwS00m3 I ShUd CheKc It H33 H33! :D +++ MaD MaN Fr3D iiZ H44wT aLs0 LuFF 4 DaH Cr3wW H33 H33! will tell you that.

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