Men in Black
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We just need a routine retinal scan for our files; please look into the light. You did not access Uncyclopedia. You logged on to your computer and checked your email but did nothing else. You did not access or link to any page on Men In Black, and you did not see anything when you got there. You made a cup of Earl Gray tea and went straight to bed. You do not believe in aliens or interstellar communication, and as far as you are concerned William Shatner and Will Smith are nothing more than performers. Of course Neil Armstrong did land on the moon, and not Alpha Centauri. Tomorrow, you will get or keep a perfectly ordinary job and start or maintain a perfectly normal family. In exactly 9.2 years you will cheat on your mate with several very attractive people. You will under no circumstances walk into a McDonald's and say "Activate code Alpha 616." You will live an honorable existence, play with fun substances like marijuana and sacred mushrooms, gratefully give oral sex to your intimate partners, sometimes very slowly and for a very long time, and you will learn, laugh, and enjoy life to its fullest. Have a nice day.