Melania

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Melania

Face of a typical melania sufferer. Note the classic squinting expression, resulting from neurological degeneration

Melania is a degenerative brain disorder first identified by used car salesman Viktor Knavs in Slovenia. He first called it 'melania' at some point in the 1970s and has since spread to the United States via glossy magazines and advertisement campaigns featuring a talking duck. Melania is not to be confused with melancholia or bubonic plagiarism.

edit Symptoms

TrumpHead1

The attraction of orange.

MellyTrump1

Second Amendment.

The early symptoms of this debilitating disorder are inappropriate sexual behaviour. This will start with posing nude for the right hand magazine market and then typically manifests itself as sexual attraction to geriatric old men with terrible wigs. As the sufferer's condition deteriorates, the classic symptom of the disease manifests. Notably repeating what other people have already said, often in public, without having an awareness that you are doing it. This can cause feelings of shame and humiliation, though in the most severe cases the sufferer remains mercifully unaware that they have done anything wrong.

As a behavioural disorder, melania can be detected early by the characteristic blank expression and squinting eyes, symptom of early neurological breakdown. The suggested treatment for this disorder is isolation from inappropriate sexual partners, talking therapy, and enforced sterilisation. However, no known sufferer of this illness has been able to make a full recovery. Treatment usually involves placing the patient in a padded cell and looping the voice of a blowhard politician until they bang on the door to be let out. However for severe sufferers, melania can get a firm grip all the way to the White House.

Sufferers of melania are additionally attracted to the colour orange. Experiments using hamsters have confirmed this behavioural bias in patients. They can also be great delusionists, convinced they have achieved educational excellence. This is very attractive to those sectioned with narcissism.

edit Treatment

Expert medical opinion is divided whether a full cure can be found. Advanced melania sufferers in the past have included Jerry Hall and the six wives of Newt Gingrich. Outside observers will be unaware that a patient is suffering from melania until they suddenly get an urge to head for a plastic surgeon in the middle of the night. Melania sufferers will deny this and may resort to expensive lawyers to prove the contrary.

edit Prognosis

Melania can be increasingly virulent in a patient as they approach the first Tuesday in November. In a worst case scenario, Nuclear War may be triggered by an upset partner of a melania sufferer.

edit Related illnesses

edit See Also

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