Mel Gibson
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“Watch out for that one mate!”
~ Mel Gibson on flying red things
“FREEDOM!!!”
~ Mel Gibson on Palestine in 2057
“The allegation of Mel Gibson being anti-Semitic is the biggest lie since the Holocaust”
~ Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on Mel Gibson
“I hate Scots... They're filthy, they're gay, and even Connery doesn't quite cut it. I hate Scotland too.”
~ Mel Gibson on patriotism in 1982
“Target practice...”
~ Jewish Comedians on Mel Gibson
“Target practice...”
~ IDF on Gaza Strip
“Jews the mexicans of Europe”
~ Mel Gibson on how much jews suck
Melissa Adolf Hitler Gibson, born a human being (with the Hebrew name: Mordechai-Yaakov Gibberish), also known by the titles: Mel Gibson the Great in Germany, Sir Mel in England, Mr. Guy in Hollywood, and Sugertihe pasific ocean into morbidly obese leeches.z the Chaste in Australia, was born in Lower Tamara Beckwith during the harsh weather of 1953. Using his might nipples of amazingness, Mel turned all of the leeches in t He was the third son of God after Jesus and Jebus but didn't want to go into the family business of spreading religious bullshit. The Giblet-man is the famous director and star of the film, "The Passion of the Jesus H Christ". The Gib-ster rose from relative obscurity and strongly-voiced perverse thoughts, to unions with shrews, possums, and basically any kind of small mammal he can catch; but, hey, who doesn't in this day and age?
In Variety (@) magazine1975 Gibson expounded upon his experience: "If its got a backbone, I'll do it." A few years later he added "if it doesn't have a backbone but it at least has a circulatory system, I'll do that". A short time later he said "if it's got a DNA sequence I'll do it". Out of professional courtesy to an unnamed friend, the G-man avoids gerbils (well they no longer touched the sides in the way that Guinea pigs do).He is a know member of the aryan brotherhood.
The inventor of Chinese people (who are the 'real' chosen people, see Extraterrestrial Chinese), he is also well known for his strict traditional pagan values; which is to say, well, he's a heathern. Gibson was recently severely injured when he ran off of a cliff and fell 3 stories to the ground, when asked why he did it, he responded: "Well, as a Traditional Christian, I don't believe in gravity." It has been rumored that Mel Gibson may, in fact, be the second coming of Black Jesus, who is known to be preparing for his upcoming role in Resurrection 2: This Time It's Personal.
He is known to eat at least 5 bastard children for breakfast, skips lunch, and has a Jewish boy for dinner, with a glass of blood. Mel has stated on several times that he does not condone these meals as kosher. Has stated his favorite phrase is "sugar-tits" His brother and part time lover is Shaun Ryan.
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[edit] Jesus Pain Fetish
Gibson's film The Passion of the Heist was not originally intended to be gay for Christians; instead, it involved Mel Gibson directing a bunch of people to speak hebrew, nail some guy to a cross and hijack a car. Of course, this was all possible due to the enormous contributions to Mel Gibson through the various Christian Churches and it turned out as one of the bestest biggest budget movies ever.
[edit] Rumours About The Passion Of The Jesus H Christ
Mel: "What the Fuck?! Is that all the beating Allah is going to get? Well, fuck all you, this fucking punching bag died for our sins!! Kick the shit outta him some more!!"
Mel was very displeased with the first draft of the movie. "No, no, no!!!" He was quoted by me as yelling, "That's not nearly anti-Semitic enough! Really, you have to make it look like it's the Jews' fault! I'm paying for this horseshit; and that's my religion; and this is America; and I'm from the same town as Russell Crowe."
Mel, in the end, said that his heathenistic pleasure was mildly-to-somewhat satisfied but he didn't intend to make an epic heart-touching movie. As he simply quoted while biting the head off a newly born kitten; "I just wanted to show Jesus getting fucked up! That should tell you a lot about Christianity, eh?"
[edit] JPNB and Gibson
There is evidence to believe that Mel Gibson is really a freedom fighter working to destroy the secret society JPNB (Jewish Pirate Ninja Brotherhood). It is said that he shares a secret alliance with the Lumberjacks and his ultimate goal in life is to please Jesus and eat sausage or is that eat Jesus and please his sausage?. In early March 2007, the JPNB planned to assassinate Mel by a combined force of Jewish Pirate Ninja assassins. The mission however, was an utter failure and Mel chopped up the would be assassins with his claymore sword from the movie Braveheart. Those who survived his steel frenzy fled on foot but Mel followed and ran them all down with his Nazi car. Since then, the JPNB, unable to destroy Mel physically has launched a massive campaign to destroy his reputation. The JPNB deployed Jewish Ninja Pirates from their 13th Onion Bagel Battalion to the studio of South Park to create an episode with Mel that would portray him as insane. This was a secret move to tarnish his character for killing so many Jewish Pirate Ninjas. Although ninjas and pirates are at war, the JPNB is a society that unifies all the Jewish ninjas and pirates. The martial arts skills of the ninjas and violent pillage and raiding skills of the pirates, coupled with Jewish greed and love for gold and Matzo-Ball Soup have made this secret brotherhood one of the deadliest on earth. Their ultimate goal in life is to thwart the Lumberjacks and build a new world order where a Gold Bagel is god and every day is 50% off at Bloomingdales. So far, Mel has been the only celebrity to publicly oppose them...
[edit] 2006 Oscars incident
Mel Gibson attended the 2006 Oscars where he openly denounced John Madden, Emmy Rossum, Michael Buble, Mr.T, Steven Hawking, Barry Scott, Queen Elizabeth II, Mr. Rogers and Santa Claus. He also called Chuck Norris 'a fake bearded lady', Helen Hunt a transvestite alien, called Paul McCartney a drunk, lying, half naked pervert, called Jimmy Carter a bum-faced, dyslexic, partially sighted idiot, pulled Tim Hedman's pants down on stage, accused Janet Reno of being a witch, set a scorpion on Conan O'Brian, uppercutted Cyrax to the rooftop stage, sprayed graffiti on the walls saying McFly Are All Gay, called Tom Jones a useless tillbox, Ronnie Corbet an uninspiring nutter,Bill Clinton & Hillary Clinton two vampires of vanity and made many stupid and irrelevant comments about Jake Gyllenhaal and Shane Warne. After taking a dump on the red carpet and then trying unsuccessfully to suck his own penis, Gibson made a speech about his terrorist organization and what crimes they had committed.
[edit] Monica Lewinsky sex incident
On August 21, 2008, Monica Lewinsky was seen by several witnesses having sex with Mel Gibson on the hood of his 2005 Jaguar XK8, outside of a Los Angeles strip club.
[edit] Filmography
Mel Gibson has acted in a number of movies in his time, most of them involving either Helen Hunt, Matt Damon or Paris Hilton.
- '(2014)
- Sceintoligy vs. Metrocligy(2013)
- Flight Man(2012)
- Zaptor II(2011)
- Zaptor(2010)
- Thunder War(2009)
- Passion of Mel 2: Return of the Mel(2008)
- Afuckalypto (2006)
- The Passion of Mel (2004)
- We Were Soldiers Only Following Orders (2002)
- Gay Men on a Boat" (2002)
- Civil War:The Confederacy of Fried Chicken (2001)
- What Anti-Semites Want (2000)
- The Gaytriot (2000)
- Chicken Wire - The Building Of Bergen-Belsen (2000)
- Payback (1999)
- Bravedick (1995)
- The Man With Antisemetic Views (1993)
- Forever Aryan (1992)
- What would a Jew Do? (1991)
- Hamlet: What the Jews can't Eat (1990)
- Penis on Fire (1990)
- Lethal Injection 1-6'000'000 (1987) (However, Mel strongly disputes the validity of these figures and claims he didn't make half that many)
- Mad Mel 3: Beyond the Nurenburg Rally (1985)
- The Year of Felching Dangerously (1982)
- Mad Mel 2.5: The War Against the Homos (1982)
- Mad Mel 2: The War Against the Jews (1981)
- Gallipoli: The War Against the English (1981)
- Mad Mel (1979)
- What Women Want (Dick) (post-production)
[edit] Selected Highlights
- Braveheart, where Gibson plays a brave Scottish warrior fighting against the English oppressors.
- The Patriot, where Gibson plays a brave American craftsman fighting against the English oppressors.
- Circles, where Gibson plays a brave American clergyman-turned-farmer fighting against the Alien oppressors, who make crop circles, which originated in England.
- The Passion of the Christ, where Gibson directs and Jim Cavaziezel plays a brave Messiah, passively fighting against Anglo-Jewish and Anglo-Roman oppressors.
- Achtung! (2011 release), where Gibson plays a brave Nazi fighting against the English oppressors led by Winston Churchill, who want to prevent him airing his antisemitic views.
