Mel Gibson
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“Ok it's a cross between Jesus's arms”
~ Mel Gibson pitching Passion of the Christ
“The allegation of that I am anti-Semitic is the biggest lie since the Holocaust!”
~ Mel Gibson
“To prove that I'm not anti-Semitic, this year I'm throwing an open invitation Hanukkah Pig Roast”
~ Mel Gibson on being antisemitic
“Anti-Semetic?! ME ?! Never, I have thousands of Jews hanging around my house.”
~ Mel Gibson
Melissa Adolf Gibson, also known by the titles: "Und Fuhrer" in Germany, "That guy who ruined our Invasion" in England, "That guy who saved us from Invasion" in Scotland "Mr. Guy" in Hollywood, and "Mad Mel" in Australia, was born in Sydney during the great Aborigine cleansing of 1956. He was the third son of God after Jesus and Cheesus, but initially didn't want to go into the family business of spreading religious bullshit. The Giblet-man is the famous director and star of the biographical film about his oldest brother, "The Passion of the Jesus H Christ".
The Gib-ster rose from relative obscurity due to starring in a film or two, and went on to strongly-voicing his controversial thoughts on police procedures and staff-admission policies, as well as engaging in unions and organizations relating to the destruction of the Jews. He is also an avid supporter of the Aryan Bowling League.
Gibson was recently severely injured when he ran off of a cliff and fell 3 stories to the ground. When asked why he did it, he responded: "Well, as a Traditional Christian, I don't believe in gravity." It has been rumored by many wise celebrities, such as Paris Hilton and Kanye West, that Mel Gibson may, in fact, be the second coming of Black Jesus, a role he is preparing for in his upcoming film, Resurrection 2: This Time It's Personal.
Contents |
The Passion of the Jesus H. Christ
Jesus Pain Fetish
Gibson's film The Passion of the Heist was not originally intended to be gay for Christians; instead, it involved Mel Gibson directing a bunch of people to speak Hebrew, nail some guy to a cross and hijack a car. Of course, this was all possible due to the enormous contributions to Mel Gibson through the various Christian Churches and it turned out as one of the bestest biggest budget movies ever.
Rumours About The Passion Of The Jesus H Christ
“What the Fuck?! Is that the worst beating Allah's gonna get? Well, fuck you all! This fucking punching bag died for our sins, you JEWS!! So Kick the shit outta him some more!!”
~ Mel Gibson on directing The Passion of The Jesus H Christ
Mel was very displeased with the first draft of the movie. "No, no, no!!!" he was quoted by me as yelling. "That's not nearly anti-Semitic enough! Really, you have to make it look like it's the Jews' fault! I'm paying for this horseshit; and this is my religion; and this is America; and I'm from the same town as Russell Crowe."
Mel, in the end, said that his heathenistic appetite was mildly-to-somewhat satisfied, but he didn't intend to make an epic heart-touching movie. As he simply explained while attending a hunting party in Jerusalem;
“I just wanted to show Jesus getting fucked up! That should tell you a lot about Christianity, eh?”
~ Mel Gibson on spreading the good word of the Lord
JPNB and Gibson
There is evidence to believe that Mel Gibson is really a freedom fighter working to destroy the secret society JPNB, or the Jewish Pirate Ninja Brotherhood. In early March 2007, the JPNB planned to assassinate Mel by a combined force of Jewish Pirate Ninja assassins. The mission however, was an utter failure and Mel chopped up the would be assassins with the claymore sword he had kept from the movie Braveheart. Those who survived his steel frenzy fled on foot, but Mel followed and ran them all down with his Nazi-mobile.
Since then, the JPNB, unable to destroy Mel physically has launched a massive campaign to destroy his reputation and kill him financially. The JPNB deployed Jewish Ninja Pirates from their 13th Onion Bagel Battalion to the studio of South Park, and created an episode with Mel that would portray him as insane. This was a secret move to tarnish his character for killing so many Jewish Pirate Ninjas.
Although ninjas and pirates are at war, the JPNB is a society that unifies all the Jewish ninjas and pirates. The martial arts skills of the Ninjas, and the violent pillaging and raiding skills of the Pirates, coupled with Jewish greed and love for gold and Matzo-Ball Soup have made this secret brotherhood one of the deadliest on earth. Their ultimate goal in life is to thwart the Mel Gibson and build a new world order where a Gold Bagel is God and every day is 50% off at Bloomingdales. So far, Mel has been the only celebrity to publicly oppose them...
2006 Oscars incident
Mel Gibson attended the 2006 Oscars where:
- He openly denounced John Madden, Emmy Rossum, Michael Buble, Mr.T, Steven Hawking, Barry Scott, Queen Elizabeth II, Mr. Rogers and Santa Claus.
- He called Frank Zappa "a fake bearded lady"
- He called Helen Hunt a "transvestite alien"',
- He called Paul McCartney a drunk, lying, half naked pervert
- He called Jimmy Carter a bum-faced, dyslexic, partially sighted idiot
- He pulled Tim Hedman's pants down on stage
- He accused Janet Reno of being "a witch"
- He set a scorpion on Conan O'Brian
- He uppercutted Cyrax to the rooftop stage
- He sprayed graffiti on the walls saying "McFly Are All Gay"
- He called Tom Jones a "useless tillbox"
- He called Ronnie Corbett an "uninspiring nutter"
- He called both Bill Clinton & Hillary Clinton "two vampires of vanity"
- He made many stupid and irrelevant comments about Jake Gyllenhaal and Shane Warne
- He called Chad Michael Murray, Zac Efron, Robert Pattinson a bunch of ladyboy homosexuals who use makeup
- He called Tom Cruise a "couch-hurdling alien-loving midget"
- He said Christian Bale should have received an Oscar for his backstage work on Terminator Salvation
After taking a dump on the red carpet and then trying unsuccessfully to suck his own penis, Gibson made a speech about his terrorist organization and what crimes they had committed.
Monica Lewinsky sex incident
On August 21, 2008, Monica Lewinsky was seen by several witnesses having sex with Mel Gibson on the hood of his 2005 Jaguar XK8, outside of a Los Angeles strip club.
Filmography
Mel Gibson has acted in a number of movies in his time, most of them involving either Helen Hunt, Matt Damon or Paris Hilton.
- Gallipoli 2020: This Time its Personal (2014)
- Scientoligy vs. Metrocligy(2013)
- Flight Man(2012)
- Zaptor II(2011)
- Zaptor(2010)
- Thunder War(2009)
- Passion of Mel 2: Return of the Mel(2008)
- Afuckalypto (2006)
- Jews on a Plane (2005))
- The Passion of Mel (2004)
- We Were Soldiers Only Following Orders (2002)
- Gay Men on a Boat" (2002)
- Civil War:The Confederacy of Fried Chicken (2001)
- What Anti-Semites Want (2000)
- The Gaytriot (2000)
- Chicken Wire - The Building Of Bergen-Belsen (2000)
- Payback (1999)
- Bravedick (1995)
- The Man With Antisemetic Views (1993)
- Forever Aryan (1992)
- What would a Jew Do? (1991)
- Hamlet: What the Jews can't Eat (1990)
- Penis on Fire (1990)
- Lethal Injection 1-6'000'000 (1987) (However, Mel strongly disputes the validity of these figures and claims he didn't make half that many)
- Mad Mel 3: Beyond the Nurenburg Rally (1985)
- The Year of Felching Dangerously (1982)
- Mad Mel 2.5: The War Against the Homos (1982)
- Mad Mel 2: The War Against the Jews (1981)
- Gallipoli: The War Against the English (1981)
- Mad Mel (1979)
- What Women Want (Dick) (post-production)
Selected Highlights
- Braveheart, where Gibson plays a brave Scottish warrior fighting against the English oppressors.
- The Patriot, where Gibson plays a brave American craftsman fighting against the English oppressors.
- Signs, where Gibson plays a brave American clergyman-turned-farmer fighting against the Alien oppressors, who make crop circles, which originated in England.
- The Passion of the Christ, where Gibson directs and Jim Cavaziezel plays a brave Messiah, passively fighting against Anglo-Jewish and Anglo-Roman oppressors.
- Achtung! (2011 release), where Gibson plays a brave Nazi fighting against the English oppressors led by Winston Churchill, who want to prevent him airing his antisemitic views.
