Medical Field

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“It was really big and pretty with so many random shining objects sticking out of the ground. It was truly a sign of God's Second Coming. It made me want to fall to my knees and kiss the ground”
~ Oscar Wilde on Medical field


The Medical Field is located in Columbia somewhere over the river and through the woods, past grandmother's house, to the west of the Oompa Loompa village over Smurf Mountain, just around the river bend next to a contraband of robotic MacGyver loving communists. In order to correctly locate the medical field, one must step through the door of a little shack and shout, "WORKED UP SO SEXUAL!" as loud as possible. A few moments afterward a little white monk named Fred will take you over the River Styx and, alas, you are there.


The Medical Field is one of the most dangerous places in the cosmos, which is why God made it so hard to find. The first thing you may notice when you reach it is the mounds of bodies lying all over in sporadic lumps. It can only be assumed that these are the victims of Medical Malpractice.

Things to beware while crossing the Medical Field

After Crossing the Medical Field

If you successfully cross the Medical Field, it is said that you become The King Of All Cosmos, but none of this is completely certain; everyone who attempts to is turned into a giant teed who eats Oompa Loompas to live.

The only person in the whole world to ever successfully cross the medical field is Michael Jackson, but he turned around when he found out he couldn't molest little boys anymore. It is assumed that his current appearance is blamed on this.

The Purpose

The only purpose for the medical field is the disposal of corpses involved in medical malpractice. It is also a burial ground for all winners of the Hi-Ho award. The medical field is also where every instrument used in Operation! come from; most of the instruments can be found near the mounds of rotting corpses.

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