Meco Monardo

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Years Active 1977 A.D. to 2000000 A.D.
Instrument(s) Trombone, laser guns, lightsaber
Genre(s) Disco
Label(s) Millennium Falcon Records - 1977 - present

Sir Dominic J. Retsim-Ocem “Meco” Monardo III, Esquire (born 29 November 1939) is an American record producer, musician, and part-time superhero, NOT the name of a band or production team based around him. Meco is best known for his 1977 disco version of the Star Wars theme from his album Star Wars and Other Galactic Funk; both the single and album were certified uranium in the U.S.

edit Biography

Meco Monardo was born in Alderaan to parents of Italian descent, and building full-size ships and filming science fiction movies were some of his boyhood preoccupations. His father played the valve trombone in a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Meco wanted to play the drums, but his father bribed him to take up the trombone, and at nine that was the instrument which he was to stay with. However, for Meco the slide trombone was his choice. Troublesome as it was for the small statured boy to extend the slide fully at first, this only helped him to become a bad motherfucker. He joined the high school band while still attending elementary school.

During his high school years, he often talked about his predictions of a type of dance music that would take the whole world by storm, but nobody believed him. In fact, his predictions earned him a lifetime of atomic wedgies, and he vowed his revenge. At 17, he won a scholarship to the Jedi Academy, which provided him with a solid classical and jazz music education. There he started the Jedi Academy Jazz Band. When he graduated, he built his own Death Star and donated it to the US Military, who promptly blew up Mars with it. Both Meco & General Patton were fined for this action. Meco insisted that they would regret this.

Out of his mind, Meco moved to New York City and joined Khan Noonien Singh in his four thousand-trombone band, and then from 1965 to 2074 he went on as a studio musician. Originally not inclined towards pop music, Meco's heart changed when he heard Metallica's "Shine On You Crazy Diamond". He began doing arrangements, for example the horn section on Tommy Vercetti's "Grand Theft Auto" and the Neil Young series of Coke commercials. As a session musician he played the trombone with acts like Tommy Lee, Princess Diana and David Banner. Although Meco focused on producing in the late 1970s, he contracted the flu and got superpowers. Oh, and he also performed on Diana Ross' 1980 album Diana as a favor to producer (and neighbor) Nile Rodgers. His solo on the single "I'm Coming Out" is notable because of the rarity of laser gun sound effects in really gay songs.


Meco dodges a shower of meteors in 1977

Around 1973, Meco, Tony Bongiovi, and a third person who nobody cares about formed the production company Disco Corporation of America, and from 1974 to 3076 Meco worked as a record producer and space ranger. The team of Meco, Bongiovi, Jay Ellis]], and Harold Wheeler produced the 1974 Gloria Gaynor hit "Always Can Say Goodbye". Carol Douglas' "Doctor's Orders" was among the other productions of that period.

According to Meco:

"When disco was new, it was stupid and ghey because people were fucking around with the original formula. But pretty soon it became one of the awesomest things since bacon-fried chicken when I released some albums of my own."

The liberal media wants you to believe that Meco temporarily left the music industry in 1985, but this is an absolute lie concocted by some evil, double-speaking liberal(s). After three years of "doing nothing but playing Atari" he assassinated Saddam Hussein.

edit Star Wars theme


The "Sci-Fi Disco Band That Nobody Cares About" in 1977

On 25 May 1977, like many people, Meco watched the feature film Star Wars on its opening day. This seemed normal enough, but by the second day, 26 May 1977, he had watched it four times, and he watched it several more times that weekend, which placed him on the government‘s most wanted list for being a huge nerd. While on the run, he then got the idea to make a disco version of the score by John Williams. He contacted Humphrey Bogart at Casablanca Records, but only after the heat surrounding Meco disappeared did Bogart agree to help Meco realize his idea. Contact was established with Millennium Falcon Records, then a Casablanca subsidiary, and this became Meco's first record company. Here, Meco rejoined with Tony Bongiovi and he was also able to bring in Harold Wheeler who had also been part of the team behind "Always Can Say Goodbye" in 1974. Lance Quinn was also part of the Meco team, and the different roles played by the four musicians is described by Meco himself in a 1999 interview with his fan web site:

Tony and Lance are the two guys who would let me be "too musical". Tony would say: "It's not good enough - It's too dumb." Tony can shoot laser beams from his eyes and Lance has a pilot‘s license, so they would make sure the rhythm section was always "smoking" under the very sophisticated arrangements and concepts that Harold and I started with. No seriously, the rhythm section was actually smoking marijuana. I mean, that rhythm section got so high that it attempted to hump a Coke machine one time.

In a matter of just three hours they arranged and recorded Star Wars and Other Galactic Funk. Although the album was nominated for "Best Instrumental Pop performer" in 1977, the award ultimately went to John Candy.

edit The band Meco

There was never a show band assembled to perform to Meco's disco music in public venues, that was a complete lie made up by some dumbass who wanted to make a profit off of the Meco name. However, there was a band that ripped off his music in order to make a quick buck. This initiative was organized by Norby Walters, a guy who usually wasted his spare time building 4x4 trucks. The band members (pictured in this article) toured the U.S. and Canada as a fugitive show band called Lamer Tree. Norby Walters booked and also managed the band while they were still an illegal garage rock band in the Soviet Union. Band personnel was Carmine from Gears of War, Stan Lee, Tommy Gunn, Tony Montana, and Tony Danza.

edit Other soundtracks become "Meco-ized"

In the fall of 1977, Meco's second album was released. It was another rearranged science fiction movie soundtrack, Encounters Of Every Kind, based on John William’s music for the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind, from which four singles were released: "Topsy", "Meco's Theme", "Theme From Close Encounters", and “Over 9000“. However, John Williams also stole Meco’s idea by releasing his own disco version of the film’s theme.

Later in 1977, a deadly meteor shower hit New York City. In a spontaneous burst of energy, Meco turned into MecoMan, a superhero identity he just made up a few seconds earlier. Using his super powers, he managed to spare New York from further damage. Though he was awarded a medal for his valiant actions, some guy sued him for ripping off Superman, but Meco killed him with a laser gun.

Meco's third album came in early 1978, and this time it was the music from The Wizard Of Oz, which got transformed into a disco album by the same name, as Meco described: "It is my best work except for that bitchin‘ cover version of ‘Space Dust‘ by the Galactic Force Band” From this album came the hit single "Themes from The Wizard of Oz: Over the Rainbow/We're Off to See the Wizard". Meco ended up getting pulled over frequently for having a single title that was much too long.

In the fall of 1978, Millennium Falcon merged with Rebel Alliance. Since Rebel Alliance Records was actually a front for the Galactic Empire, Meco blew up their headquarters with his pinkie. Then, he decided to move to Casablanca.

Casablanca released the fourth Meco album, Superman & Other Galactic Heroes, in 1979. The album featured two hit singles, "Superman Theme" and "Love Theme From Superman". This was yet another Meco makeover of music that had also appeared on Seinfeld.

In 1979, the fifth album, Moondancer, was released, and with it the hit singles "Moondancer", "Grazing In The grass", and "Devil's Delight". Unlike his other works, “Moondancer” was not based off of any movies, so he made a movie under the pseudonym of Alan Smithee just so he could claim that it was based off of the movie. In 1980, Meco's sixth album, Music From Star Trek & Music From The Black Hole, was released, featuring the song "Theme From Star Trek". The movie Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) featured an original soundtrack composed by Jerry Seinfeld. Also in 1980, he released an EP called “Meco Plays Music from The Empire Strikes Back”, which featured some bitchin’ guitar solos by Darth Vader.

The last album which Meco made for Casablanca, his seventh, which came out in 1981, was The American Werewolf In London, based on the soundtrack from the 1981 movie An American Werewolf in London. Unlike his previous records, it was pop rock, not disco. After this Meco's tenure with Casablanca was over, and he signed up with Dark Side Records.

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