Meat
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A kind of rich, creamy cheese harvested from the orifices of various animals, meat is a tasty alternative to sweet, sweet marrow.
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[edit] History of Meat
Meat historians agree that the first meat was probably stripped from the carcass of a Mastodon sometime around 2130 BC. It was initially eaten raw, a condition which, though tasty, inevitably infested the consumer with ravenous parasites that would fester in the colon, thereby causing rectal swelling, anal bleeding and explosive bursts of vomit. Survivors eventually took to cooking meat, which improved its flavour and reduced its tendency to cause agony. Yummy! To prepare your meat, baste it with a nice, wet lubricant.(make sure to rub it in) Then, use a meat tenderizer and beat your meat as hard as possible until its many juices come splurting out.
In Austrailia "Pimps" Use their meat to "Slap-a-hoe" and so do Nuns. They do this because they are tired of using their own "meat" on prostitutes.
[edit] Meat Eating Plants
Lots of plants eat meat, including the deliciously sumptuous Venus flytrap. Venus flytraps are well known for eating meat, particularly meat attached to human penis beings.[1]
[edit] Meat Today
Today meat is an important dietary staple of omnivores and features regularly as a side dish for bored vegetarians.
Contrary to popular belief, carnivores do not eat meat. Instead, carnivores brutally devour fresh red meat whenever possible.
Also important to note: In Soviet Russia, meat eats YOU!!!
Furthermore, one should immediately vacate the area should meat be spinning in any way whatsoever. See Meatspin[1] for more information
[edit] Meat as a Currency
Upon the launch of Kingdom of Loathing for the Commodore 64, Paypal announced that it would no longer accept any form of Currency for its services and instead exclusively provide services for the barter of Meat. With the addition of a tenth Supreme Court Justice, McDonald's has taken Paypal's idea to the point where an individual store will not let you in the vicinity of one Zazzleblat (equivalent to two US states) without the necessary 250lbs. of meat carried at all times in a standard, government issued fanny pack.
[edit] Fake Meat
Look out for vegetarian food that is disguised as meat. This commonly takes the form of vegesausages and vegeburgers. Nothing ruins your day like biting into that gorgeous, juicy piece of flesh and finding out it's just a lump of textured vegetable protein (whatever the fuck that is). Fake Meat is often taken as a drug that is used to grow yellow eggplants from a human leg. This effect is illegal in Canada, Japan, Guam, Peru, World War I, and The Cold Cold Ice Cold Period of The Era known as Prehistoric times.
[edit] Fake Vegetables
So, you've just pulled that hot vegan chick and she wants you to cook her dinner? What you gonna do, you can't sit there and eat rabbit food like some fuckin' fag or American, can you? You're male, you need meat. But she sees you eating dead animals and that's it - no sex for you. What you gonna do, huh? Well, the answer is at hand with Ronald's All-New, Patented Fake Vegetables! Yes, those realistic-looking carrots are actually made from prime beef! That couscous? Granulated veal, man! The tofu? 100% prime pork! Eat proper man-food and still score with cute hippies! Available from all good foodstores now (not to be confused with a foodplace)!
[edit] References
- ↑ http://flytrapgrowing.info/little-shop-of-horrors-remake/ Meating eating plant
[edit] See also
 | All Things Sausage | |||
| Bologna - Hotdog - Meat - Salami - Sausage - Sausage Butty Batter Nugget - Sausage roll - Snausages | ||||
| Other Sausage Related Things | ||||
