McDonaldland

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McDonaldland
Riesen Bösen Händler von Lebensmitteln-ähnliche Substanzen
Motto: "I'm lovin' it!"
Anthem: "McDonaldland theme song"[1]
Mcmap
Capital McDonaldland City
Largest city McDonaldland City is the largest and only city in all of McDonaldland.
Official language(s) English
Government Plutocracy
King of McDonaldland Ronald McDonald
‑  Mayor McCheese
National Drink Diet Coke
National Fish Filet-O-Fish
National Bird McChicken
National Hero(es) Hamburgler, Grimace
Declaration
 of Independence
The 50's.
Currency US Dollars
Religion McJesus
Major exports mad cow beef, Happy Meal, Big Mac, Double Quarter Pounder
Major imports McKiddies
Hours of
 operation
24 hours a day

McDonaldland is a country accessed from hidden portals inside McDonald's restaurants. No one has ever found any of the hidden portals, but supposedly they exist. They seem to be hidden inside the workers' area of a McDonald's restaurant- but definitely NOT under the fountain drink machine, definitely NOT through the hatch labeled "McMaintenance" under the fountain machine, and definitely NOT in door number three of the McMaintenance hatch. Oh, and definitely NOT in the door labeled "McFreezer".

History

The McRepublic of McDonaldland was Mcfounded in 1971 by Ronald McDonald and William J. McCheese on a small island off the coast of the first McDonald's restaurant, a small island filled with junk food growing in the wild. Ronald decided that the restaurant would generate more income if it had a little place like this, accessed by the then-unknown teleportation machines that started to be hidden in restaurants. Josh stevenson was a revelutionary during the period which historians call the junk age.

The new McRepublic bred a vast plethora of humunculi from the bizarre regenerative plant DNA on the island. Only a small fraction survived to serve in the army, including a purple beaver named Grimace. Grimace starred in the good version of Narnia as the giant soiled diapers, and helped shape and enforce the law, but was sent to the slaughterhouse when he stole cups from the king's servants. Interestingly enough, he survived- only receiving brain damage- because NOTHING can kill the Grimace.

At first, McDonaldland was a peaceful place, filled with fertile plains of giant junk foods, with restaurant workers paid to clip french fries off of trees and pick hamburgers from bushes, even though this would be unnecessary if a diner had scissors of his own and he somehow found his way to McDonaldland; but apparently, on this island scissors are reserved only for McDonald's workers.

After not-so-peaceful characters, such as Evil Grimace and the Hamburglar began to appear in McDonaldland, Ronald and McCheese realized that the island needed to be protected from immigrants, and decided to make the place reachable only by teleport. This helped to encourage people into believing that like Delaware, McDonaldland does not really exist. About twenty-five years later, commercials about McDonaldland were taken off of television so that meanies like the Taliban wouldn't try to invade it and make the french fry guys wear burkhas.

In the late 1970s, McDonaldland allied itself with joe in its ongoing war against Living Island. While initially making headway with its strategy of making H.R. Pufnstuf, mayor of Living Island, obese and ill by means of feeding him super-sized McDonalds fast food meals, H.R. Pufnstuf and friends prevailed with their team of evil lawyers. McDonaldland was legally required to no longer exist, except in the memories of Generation X.

In 2005, McDonald's developed Type-5 RSA Peacekeeper ICBMs, creating an international diplomatic row. President Ronald McDonald stated "Our missiles are for peaceful means. All they do is make you eat shitty food." in 2009,the military was equipped with guns that shoot guns that shoot swords.

Geography

McDonaldland is well known for its extraordinary agriculture of junk food, growing with reckless abandon in the wild. Somehow, although these junk food crops never grow anywhere else in the world, the McDonalds restaurants they support have spread like a plague all over the Earth. Certain similarities are manifest in the Bologna Cacti of southern Ergoth, and the French toast fields of eastsouthward France [owned by parent company of IHOP {Halliburton & Co.}]

However, Scott Finney, a noteworthy scientist, suspects that "While likelihood of a naturally occurring bologna cactus is plausible, the aforementioned burger trees and French toast plants are completely man-made.... and much worse, they are a manifestation of science gone terribly wrong."

Although several attempts have been made to learn the genetic makeup of the hamburger trees, there is a recurring pattern of contaminated samples. A majority of the samples mailed to the lab were contaminated with feces and formaldehyde, and were traced directly to Mayor McCheese's office.

Footnotes

  1. "Burger King was laid waste / Ronald made this our place / Try our juicy McRib Sandwich, it has 90% real meat products / We praise King McDonald."
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