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May 28: International Celebration of Belly Button Lint
- A Long Time Ago - Satan was born
- 1515 - Marco Polo discovers Belly Button Lint during his travel to China.
- 1516 - Marco Polo returns to Italy with several tons of belly button lint.
- 1590 - Doubts arise about the true origins of Marco Polo's belly button lint.
- 1781 - Hip Hop is forbidden by Pope B.J. IV. The prohibition lasts until 1998; it's ending triggers the renaissance of hip hop.
- 1854 - Pasteur discovers a method to identify belly button lint, but he is murdered by Marco Polo heirs who want to keep the Marco Polo Monopoly on Belly Button Lint.
- 1855 - Angry Pasteur followers march to Italy seeking for revenge, ravaging the city, raving mad.
- 1919 - The ravaging of Rome rivets to its rear rammings.
- 1953 - Dupont synthetizes belly button lint for the first time, product sales go sky high.
- 1979 - First Sighting of the extremely rare belly button lint & tumbleweed crossbreed is sighted by an old man in a ghost town, he falls asleep shortly after.
- 1984 - Belly Button Lint damages space shuttle controls, leaving the ship marooned in space.
- 1999 - Customer at the Grease Hut discovers a lump of belly button lint in his soup. He leaves extremely satisfied.
- 2004 - Iraq acknowledges having huge amounts of belly button lint hidden in secret silos.
- 2005 - China sues Italy for reparations for belly button lint allegedly plundered by "imperialist capitalist pig dogs" in the Middle Ages. Italian courts deny all knowledge of these so-called "Middle Ages."
- 2005 - Transformers land on Earth, dance to Weird Al Yankovic and introduce the phrase Bah Weep Graaagnah Wheep Ni Ni Bong to Americans, and leave later that day to make way for Akira
- 2007 - Canada officially changes name to America Junior to avoid a belly button lint war.
- 2008 - Where's Waldo? is first published mistakenly by Martin Handford
- Two Thousand and Twenty Six - IB Maths Students rebel, take over the world and ban the use of numbers in digit form in order to save the lives of future Students.
- Two Thousand and Twenty Seven - IB Maths rebels are awarded Nobel Peace Prize for saving the lives of countless IB students.