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May 24: Collective Bra Burning Day
- 12,000 BC - Og the caveman wears a Ramones t-shirt despite having never heard them, making him the world's first poser.
- 10,000 BC - Blue eyed bitch is saved by mastodons and or mammoths really who cares it was a terrible movie. oh yeah , there was a sabertooth tiger!!!!1
- 274 BC - The first step towards capturing a unicorn is taken - finding a virgin.
- 137 - Joan of Arc's sitcom, That's My Arc, officially cancelled. Riots ensue.
- 1514 - Fred Astaire announces, "Jesus is a foo'." Angry fans eat records and quickly find that vinyl is addictive.
- 1676 - The Simpsons stops being funny.
- 1851 - Oscar Wilde appears on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
- 1851 - Queer Eye for the Straight Guy Is cancelled.
- 1967 - A giant rat gives birth to Michael Bolton.
- 1934 - Ban on oak, termites allergic.
- 1980 - After years of searching, archaeologist Foos Babaganoush finally finds Stalin's cheese grater.
- 2001 - Snoop Doggy Dog is misteriously murded by one of his bitches. "Faw Shizzle" ~ Replies Rapper R Kelly
- 2005 - AOL frisbees become popular
- 2006 - 400th birthday of the pevlic thrust! Show us how it's done!
- 2007 - non huffable kitten the movie:god attacks! is released
- 2008 - Due to the hatrid of people who watch Grey's Anatomy Insted of The Office and Scrubs, James Madison kills every person who watches that show.
- 2010 - The Cleavland Show is a huge success and Family Guy is canceled.
- 2010 - Dr Cow is feted for surviving 50 years
- 2014 - Tom Cruz loses all hope of being a legendary hero and returns to his home world.
- 2035 - TV show Lost renewed again. Critics complain about the lack of new content. The critics' critics complain about the same thing. 24 follows suit.
- 2460 - Axe deodorant officially banned from the United States. The first good decision ever made by a president.
- 2660 - Pedo Bear gives birth to M.i.L.F Bear