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“ Michael Jackson jokes are gay... ”
“ Holy screaming screamers screaming of children Batman! ”
“ I like his pants... He's got some style. ”
Maxamillian Hearniea, or Max Hearn for short, is a legend among men, a super hero, a man of opportunity, trust, faith, and loyalty. A man who feels he can do whatever he wants, nothing can stop him, ever, and I mean ever. A man with endless knowledge, and skills to create things to do with woodworking with Mr. Dragonheart. Although with such knowledge and power, he suffers from extreme hearnieas, they cause severe discomfort and excruciating pain for the Hearn. He is thought to be more powerful and more important than that of Captain Planet himself. Since Maxium Hearniea's super power enables him to lift heavy objects and defeat crime all around the world, this means that he never grows old, he is always 23 years of age, in fact, he is over 200 years old.
edit The Hero
In the year 2006 Maxamillian Hearniea was in his prime, fighting crime with his loyal side-kick, Richard The Rancher. They downed the Joker with magnificent force, making his jokes be not so funny, but I'm not saying that his jokes were ever really that funny, they were just kind of ironic.
They simply killed Venom, remember him? He was in Spiderman. They killed him by simply making lots of noise and slipping him some Red Powerade, the powerade pretty much over loaded his brain cells and the noise hurt his ears.
Soon after the year of the Goat in 2006, Superman and Elvis... erm.. I mean, Maxamillian Hearniea and Richard, which we will now call Superman and Elvis, found allies within Gotham City (formerly knows as New York City). They would use the help of these great allies to fight crime and destroy evil once and forever, these allies are the great Batman and Robin. Gotham City was formerly known as New York City because the Joker ruled over it with fear and bad puns, he liked the fry shop called New York Fries. He loved them so much he decided to rename the city after them. But when Batman and Robin defeated him they renamed the city Gotham City, no one knows why, but it's actually because Batman is really Bruce "Gotham" Wayne, Gotham being his middle name, so he went on T.V. as Batman and changed the name of the city to Gotham City.
Through out the Fantastic Four's defeats, challenges, victories, hollidays, birthdays, and through all tears and fights they had, they slowly became more familliar with other people, and other people with super powers, people such as Peter Parker, who is actually the Spiderman. Spiderman uses a series of ablities to down his enemies, such as web, punch and even kick! He was loved by all citizens of The Web (Otherwise known as Manhattan.
They all concider themselves a part of the sub group, Team Supreme, they are all also to be conciederd to be apart of the Justice League of America. Team Supreme is a collaboration of many many super heroes. Many Famous ones such as Chuck Norris, Captain America, George W. Bush, Captain Obvious and The Beverly Hills Ninja. Their base is hidden deep under ground, under the Whitehouse, mainly because Georgie's mom won't let him leave the house after dark, so it's just easier for the base to be in his secret conference room.
The JLA (Justice League of America) was greatly impressed with all the hard work that the Fantastic Four had been doing throughout the weeks and months that they have been fighting crime and ridding the streets of evil and buskars, so what the Justice League of America did is they sent the Fantasic Four an invitation to join their very large group of super people, called "Super Heroes." This clan has dedicated their lives to do what the NYPD has tried to do for billions of years now, 'Serve and Protect.' The Fantastic Four accepted this invitation with great pride and joyfull-nessss. They were over joyed and so happy that they finally got into the largest guild in the world.
When Superman and Richard (Elvis) arrived at their room Superman called the top bunk "Shot-gun on top bunk!". Richard however did not agree with this, so he just forced him down on the bottom bunk by making fun of Lois Lane "You killed her you know, you let her die, there-fore I should have the top bunk."
“ I am Ironman! ”
For years Batman and Robin helped Superman and Elvis fight crime within Gotham City, stopping rapes, murder, and the most common form of crime within New York City... Gotham City, pedophelia. These pedophiles seemed to be relentless, always, finding kids, touching them, doing things. The new gang, now call themselves The Fantastic Four decided that they would go to the root of the problem and defeat the leader of all pedophiles Michael Jackson, who is played by Michael Jackson(shown left).
edit The Defeat
After the defeat of Michael Jackson, Max.. Superman became unsettled, and eager to stay out late at night at clubs and at school christmas plays. He started to have nightmares, and was unable to sleep. Soon after all this started to happen he became large, grotesque, cranky, and very very un funny. Batman was... worried about him, scared that the death of the great pedophile got to be too much for this young lad, after all, upon Michael's death, he did however curse Superman, "You will succum to the need to be me!!" Elvis, who went back to his real name, Richard, because he thought that it was more distingished and modern, knew that there was something wrong with Superman, after all, he did watch Superman begin to play with little Cabbage Patch Kids Figurines, rubbing them together, and all over his body. There was grave danger ahead.
edit Conversion to Corruption
Six months have gone by since the passing of Michael Jackson, and Superman was not getting any better. It got to the point where it was so bad that he went back to his old name, Maxamillian Hearniea. Hearn's curruption has already begun, and no one can stop it besides MJ himself, but since Max delivered the killing blow on Michael, got 8 honor points and a rank 3 kill on him, there is no way he can be cured.
One night, Hearniea fell asleep while watching Gremlins Christmas Special on T.V. and had a dream of a man touching a little boy, or maybe it was a girl... no one really knows for sure, he never told us the whole thing, and the man had black hair and a red face, the red face is from all of the hearneas that he gets, since it does in fact cause so much pain you see, because he has really bad hearneas. Some of us regular towns folk fear that the man was in fact doomed from the day that MJ had been defeated.
Since that one fated night and that one dream, Max has never been the same, always feeling like his body was never good enough to be looked at by regular people, only by children. Things have greatly gone down hill for Max since this, he started drinking, smoking, and just plain old hanging out with Elvis and watching Inuyasha on YouthTV channel. Things definitely aren't looking good for him.
The minutes passed, they quickly turned into hours, hours turned into days, and days into weeks, weeks into months, and then they stopped for some reason. Max had been completely re created, he has absolutely no sense of humor now, a creepy, obnoxious laugh to laugh at his own jokes with, and a really fucked up figure.
Eventually he disbanneded from the JLA and was on his own from there, constantly moving from place to place, he soon, moved to a town called Windsor. He started to harass the shop keeps in all of the local stores, driving them to want to boy-cot him. He soon applied for the Volunteer Fire Dept. because he felt like he wanted to save people again, more particularly young adults. Before he knew it, and anyone else knew, he had become what he has fought so long and hard to defeat, a sexual predator. (Shown right.)