Maverick

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Maverick: A type of human being that regularly defies the will of the people. Mavericks are unable to think rationally and tend to have beliefs based on instinct and whatever happens to sound like it might work. They often become lackeys for the rich and powerful while believing in the illusion that they have free will. Despite being natural followers, some mavericks retain autonomy and seek to destroy mankind on their own.

McCainPalin

edit How Do Humans Become Mavericks?

Zombie McCain

edit Viral Infection

The majority of mavericks are simply infected with a virus, most notably the T-Virus. The first T-Virus was created by a group of interns working for the Umbrella Corporation. After an evening of heavy drinking one of the interns decided to either take over the world, become god or to force the human race to evolve. The facts are unclear but the virus ended up being released from the laboratory and sent into the atmosphere. As the virus spread worldwide, many humans became infected and instantly turned into Mavericks. Viral Mavericks are normally not capable of coming up with sophisticated plans and favor minor crimes like setting paper bags filled with shit on fire and using urine to water plants.

edit Brain Abnormality

Some Mavericks are simply born that way due to a particular brain abnormality that effects speech functions and thought processes. They appear to functional normally throughout childhood but it's only a matter of time, after the onset of adulthood, that Maverick symptoms will become more visible. Symptoms include anti-social mannerisms and gestures plus uncontrollable tongue spasms.

edit Coercion

There are documented cases in which humans have turned into mavericks by being exposed to coercion techniques. It's alleged to have been accomplished by subjecting people to continuous right-wing hot talk radio but disinformation on the nature of the conversion technique is rampant. Exactly how these conversions are accomplished is debatable but people who are successfully indoctrinated by the program are easily identified by their persistent claims of representing ordinary citizens and continuous expressions of hatred for intelligent people. These mavericks spend most of their lives helping alpha Mavericks in their quest for world domination.

edit Mavericks: A New World Order

edit Plans

Maverick McCain

Like Wile E Coyote attempting to catch the Roadrunner, Mavericks tend to devise ridiculously large-scale and impractical plans to get what they want. In a well documented recent incident, John McCain attempted to disguise himself as a Republican and became a candidate for President of the United States. After choosing viral Maverick Sarah Palin as his running mate (A woman who makes Ronald Reagan look like a rocket scientist), McCain attempted to contradict his way into the White House in the most eccentric presidential campaign the United States has ever seen. With presidential powers, McCain could have theoretically controlled hundreds of nuclear warheads, the Secret Moon Base and the fate of humanity in his wrinkled hands.

edit Examples

Examples of Maverick attacks include; Shooting down airplanes from the Secret Moon Base with high powered lasers, Destroying the World Trade Center, Global Warming, Nominating Sarah Palin for Vice President of the United States, Selling Windows Vista, and poisoning Chinese milk products. The general public remains unaware of the sinister machinations behind these events and Maverick attacks will continue to plague mankind in the foreseeable future.

edit MAVERICK HUNTERS INTERNATIONAL

In order to contain the Maverick problem, an organization called Maverick Hunters International was founded roughly 50 years ago. The most well known Maverick Hunters are Mega Man X and Zero, who have dedicated their lives to the destruction of Mavericks. Maverick Hunters are well-trained and equipped for battle with the latest weapons technology and advanced intelligence collection methods. Unfortunately, thousands of personnel and a worldwide infrastructure consuming $10 billion dollars in annual expenses has produced very few kills. Only Mega Man X and Zero are known to have completed any missions at all. The latest quarterly report showed that Maverick Hunters spent about 95% of their budget on problems caused solely by John McCain, with no end in sight. There is also what is known in the company as "The McCain effect" due to the high number of disgruntled former employees who end up becoming Mavericks themselves.

John McCain is the arch-nemesis of Maverick Hunters and ironically he's the man who founded them 50 years ago. John McCain would eventually fall from grace and become the most infamous alpha Maverick in history. Despite numerous attempts by Maverick Hunters to eliminate him in recent years, John McCain refuses to disappear from the world stage. Even if the Maverick Hunters are successful and John McCain is blown to bits with a volley of X-Blaster fire, Umbrella Corporation scientists will simply remove another McCain clone from the holding tank and a new John McCain will be back at his Senate office desk in a mere few days. The current John McCain is actually the fifth reconstituted clone that has wreaked havoc on Earth to date but the latest incarnation has proven resilient.

edit Other Notable Mavericks

Though McCain is the prime alpha Maverick, another formidable Maverick is Hulk Hogan. When Hogan was running for President of the WWF against Shawn Michaels in 1980, Michaels got every single vote because nobody really liked Hogan. Hogan became enraged by this fact and squeezed Michael's balls until he agreed to allow Hogan to become Vice President. Hogan then killed Michaels and became president himself. He became the most ruthless dictator the WWF had ever seen, he worshiped Satan, continuously ate peanuts and had anal sex with Pythons. Hogan's rule ended in 2000 when Rocky Balboa and "The Rock" beat him senseless in a back alley and had anal sex with his python. Hogan's python retaliated by savagely ripping off their penises but all their careers would go downhill after the harrowing incident.

edit Sources

Personal tools
projects