Match.com

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Matchcom
Match.com headquarters in Dallas, Texas, in the medieval section of the city.
“I used Match.com two years ago and got married - WORST MISTAKE EVER. I advise that you not only block Match.com but anything that rhymes with Match.com, like Snatch.com, even go as far as blocking Snitch.com. The only good thing about Match.com is that it gave me the idea of how I will end my marriage ...lots and lots of matches, sweet, sweet matches! Thanks Match.com.”
~ Some Lady on Match.com
“ Match.com is great! without it I would have never met madeline mcann.”
~ Primary School Teacher on Match.com


Match.com is one of several large sites the only site you need that dominates the online dating scene. Match.com, SexyMatch.com International, Gaychase.com and Hugababe.com span 3 continents, operating more than 2 dating sites in 18 local languages. Match.com currently employs more than 8 people worldwide. It has headquarters in Dallas, TX and London, with other offices in Paris, Tokyo, Bangladesh, Munich, Stockholm, Madrid, and India. Soul-thief Rupert Murdoch owns the site.


edit General Info

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/index.php?title=Match.com&action=edit Match.com is split into three main areas.


New Friends is an area where people who need friends leave adverts to attract other people who need friends. Registered users can use the advanced search options and determine the height and weight of their potential friends. [1] In 2002 a messenger style conversation window was introduced to the site. It became famous for it's amusing (to outsiders at least) "conversation starter button" where people can just press it if they can't think of anything to say. e.g What satisfies you ? Sports are good. What makes you cry the most ? Please type to me. What is your favourite constellation ? Am i cool ? War. I'm having a great year. Will it rain ? What are your priorities this year ? I love cinema...


Sex Pit is the place people go if they want a proper good fuck. There's a messageboard where people can leave adverts for a fuck. An advert may typically go something like this....

23 year old male, really wanting a good hard fuck with a girl who isn't shy. I'm about 6 ft                                 
tall and average build. Ive got a good sense of humour and i like to take care of my appearance.
I prefer girls who are similar but the main thing is that they want a proper good fucking, believe
me i've got what you need. It's going to be brutal. Seriously lets get together and do some damage.


People here are usually really up for a good fucking and they don't pretend to be here for anything else. There is a huge video library of people who have met here and filmed themselves in the act of penetration. Pictures of cocks and fannies decorate every page.

Mike Tenneren, owner of Match.com says "seriously get yourself involved, there's tons of people all gagging for a violent fucking all you need to do is have a look around and you'll be fucking someone local in no time."


Flirt Bar is a virtual bar where people flirt and chat with the opposite sex. [2] People let their virtual hair down in here, it's extremely relaxed and pretty much anything goes. If people want to masturbate while they a' i wonder who would win in a fight you or the bitch next door who wont shoot her dog in the face, because it wakes me up everyday" re in here they are free to do so. The chat in here is pretty top shelf and there is a strong sense of desperation lingering. The flirt bar is notoriously bewildering for the newcomer. [3]

DeanManthem
Dean Manthem

Dean Manthem, owner of Match.com says "The Flirt Bar is fuckin mad, seriously get yourself involved and give yourself a proper good hand-fuck while your at it."

edit New additions

Due to an increasing number of visitors to the site, several more virtual rooms have been added.

  • Love Bucket - Mainly over 40's
  • Aladdins Hammock - People pretending to be 35 year old woodsmen when they are 16 year old girls and so on. Lies are compulsory here.
  • Brunch with Betty - People who pretend to be gay.
  • The Rotating Bed - Nobody goes here.
  • Silence Please - Strictly no chat in here, only masturbation. 2nd most popular room behind Flirt Bar.
  • Fat Bar - Fat.

edit Match.com The Movie

Match.com was released in 2004 to much critical acclaim. The plot is based on the life of a 30-something bank worker called Andrea Bates (Jennifer Aniston). Mild mannered and charming to all who know her but hopelessly unlucky in love until she wins a laptop in a magazine competition and finds herself online and immersed in the sexy fuckfest that is Match.com. The flavour of the movie flutters from charming, quirky, romantic moments in the many settings of New York to the full on filth of Flirt Bar were Andrea is gagging for a fisting or 2, an oiling and a full-body scourging.


“It's a scummy romp.”
“Better than all the other dating site films. **** ”
~ Film Weekly
“They've basically taken the formula from Four Weddings and sexed it up a tad.”
~ Hugh Grant
“They've basically taken the formula from Four Weddings and sexed it up a tad.”
“Aniston is scum.”
~ Jonathon Ross
“Fuck me! That was good!”

edit Further Notes

  1. According to statistics collected over a 6 year period, people prefer their friends to be roughly 5 ft 9 ins and black.
  2. Gaychase.com is a separate site for homosexual relations
  3. The flirt bar continues to develop it's own language, relying heavily on the use of acronyms.
    • MOM - Mouth on Mouth
    • SFT - Sexy Fuck-Touching
    • CMDTSARM - Chase me down the street and rape me
    • NF - Noob Fucker (someone who goes straight to the newbies)
    • KIM - Kock in mouth
    • TCS - Triple Cum Splash
    • TF - Thumb Fuck
    • PFC - Poop Fairy Cake (someone ugly who you had imagined to be attractive)
    • LOB - Lips on balls
    • PMW - Paint me white
    • RYL - Rape You Later
    • SD - Splash daddy
    • CPH - Chasing Pocahontas (suspected gay)
    • DHD - Double Helmet Display
    • WHART - Wrong hole at the right time
    • AF - Anus Fun
    • PM - Penis Murder (someone lowering the mood)
    • DUYS - Daddy up your shoot
    • SNS - Strictly no scat
    • PMWFM - Punch me while you fuck me
    • SSF - Super sticky Flaps (female with no morals)
    • PD - Period dodger (Paedo)
    • TMB - Tongue me bad
    • FH - Fanny Hypnotist (smooth talker)
    • DN - Disco Nipples
    • LFS - Loose for a stabbing
    • ES - Empty Satchel (Just shot my load)
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