Mas Selamat bin Kastari

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.: WARNING :.
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WARNING!
 
           "Mas Selamat bin Kastari" is considered to be a sacred word by the followers of the Leet faith. In order to prevent random numbers being placed all over the place, please do not speak it in front of them.
Mas Selamat bin Kastari
david_beckham1_300_400.jpg
Birthday June 06, 1932 BC
Net worth Unknown
Current job Terrorist/Actor
House Formerly Wussy Whitley Detention Centre, now Johor Baru and watching English Premier League
Crimes Escaping the "inescapable" Wussy Whitley Detention Centre

Failing to attack Changi Airport

Awards awarded to him
  • JI Indonesian Scholarship in bomb-making
  • Nobel War Prize
  • Honourary membership into the prestigious "Singapore society of trouble makers"[1]
  • Academy Award for his brilliant role in "Mas Selamat and Toilet Break"

Mas Selamat Hari Raya Bin Kastari (A.K.A NISON CHAN TIAN LAMPAJE) (b. 1932) is an Indonesian terrorist and then a Malaysian terrorist and then a Sexaporean terrorist most wanted man. He is formerly a terrorist of Al-Quack and currently the best Film Actor of Southeast ASS is due to his debut on the TV show "Toilet Break". His favourite targets were public toilets, a unique terrorist that killed many innocent lives with their ass being blown apart. He is also known for his "disappearance" as the military of Singapore still could not find him since 27 Feb 2008.

edit Early life

Mas Selamat was born in Indonesia child to Mr Bukakae Selamat and Mr Anal Selamat. He spent most of his childhood in Gay Sex Bomb training camp, located under a toilet which cannot be mentioned due to security reasons. At the age of 18 he won the prestigious 'JI International Scholarship for Bomb-making'. Upon receiving this scholarship, he travelled to Afghanistan to study under Obama Osama Bin Ladin. Obama Osama thought that Mas Selamat was a very good leader for his terrorists, so, he promoted Mas Selamat to be the leader of the JI movement in South-East Asia after making out with him in his tent. Mas Selamat's dream was to be the best terrorist, although his childhood ambition was to be a satay man.

edit The rise and fall of Mas Selamat

Mas Selamat was a rising star in the JI movement and even seduced some guys from Singapore to join his cause. Upon taking command of the JI cells, he ordered an attack on Singapore to be planned in order to be famous. He, was to be the centre of the attack, planned to hijack an aeroplane and bomb the toilet inside so that he can make a chain reaction to bomb all the toilets in the Singapore Changi Airport after crashing into the Tower. However, a Singapore Police Officer who had an ability of anal telepathy read his mind from the airport toilet while he was doing his crap. Thus, Mas Selamat was anal plugged the Police Officer in order to track him down. He was then held in Wussy Whitley Detention Centre in Wussy Whitley Road for sex interrogation.

edit The toilet break

On 27 February 2008 Mas Selamat escaped from the Wussy again Whitley Road Detention Centre by the toilet. He told the homosexual guards that he wanted to satisfy his sexual fantasies So,the guards got horny, and let him and took off his handcuffs. He nailed the guards so hard that they all couldn't walk anymore, so He managed to escape by the toilet with magical powers that his magical left leg has. Singaporean started a big hoo-haa by taking this chance to bring the government down, but was forcefully owned by Lee Kuan Yew aka Robo-Lee from his word of power known as "..."

Ji-toilet-break1

All it took was a toilet break... 1 year and counting...
Starring : Mas Selemat bin Kastari
Directed by : Jemaah Islamiyah’s crack team
The most dangerous fugitive in SEA is on the run. Can we catch him?
Based on a true story. Catch him in cinemas near you. Or, if you're a member of the SAF, you can't catch him at a cinema near you.

edit The Destruction of the First Robo-Lee

Hours after the escape, he managed to arrive at Robo-Lee Castle and killed him with his left leg special roundhouse kick. It killed Robo-Lee and Mas Selamat run to hiding. Terrorists around the world celebrate this moment as finally, this dumb ass has come back for his toilet dream, though Singapore is a little red dot. But Mas Selamat did not know that there were clones of Robo-Lee, so the hunt for him continues. Robo-Lee who is an immortal can only be killed by another immortal. Therefore, Mas Selamat killed one of them and Robo-Lee cannot allow him to live. If Mas Selamat is alive, there is hope unrest for Singaporeans

edit Where is Mas Selamat?

Only God Knows. This is because there are many MSK (Mas Selamat Kastari) models out there which the real Mas Selamat manufactured. Mas Selamat can be anywhere, he can be in your toilet smelling your ass, even just behind you reading this article. As of 2009, he's known have been shot dead by the police. UPDATE: MAS SELAMAT IS CAUGHT ALREADY.

edit Mas Selamat's health condition

He is now limping with his left right leg after Osama tried to kill for being active during sex with him but shot his right leg instead. He went to America and raped stole Stephen Hawking's wheelchair. Yes, the guy who ran over my cat and left an obscene message on my answering machine.

edit Mas Selamat's Cyborg Factory

Mas Selamat owns a factory that manufactures Bio-based Cyborgs in order to keep him from being tracked down by others. Evidence has shown that these Cyborgs was seen by Singaporeans who has the ability of the Ear-to-ear Virus Attack, whereby when they hear rumors, they will spread these rumors to others so powerful that it really became a fact.

These are the following Cyborg Models that was HEARD in the EYE, SEEN by the EAR:

edit Latest Models

Bouncywikilogo6
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Mas Selamat bin Kastari.

MSK-701L37 - This cyborg was actually in the Wussy Detention Center all along, until he was remotely-operated by Mas Selamat from Only-God-Knows-The-Place. It was HEARD and SEEN in the toilet that he was able to disappear the moment it farts and shits at the same time, more impressive ability is that after he escaped, investigations shows that the shit was not in the toilet bowl and concluded that his shit disappeared along with MSK-701L37. His fart was so fragrant that the detainer of MSK-701L37 was blurred and dazed. the detainer reported that when he was at the state of erection trance,(from the fart, of coz) the whole toilet disappeared and he was surrounded by five Mas Selamats trying to gay with him, which he eventually gave in to them. Hence, the rumor of magical powers. This cyborg is the latest model, which will be mass-produced to aid Mas Selamat in his dream on bombing the most toilet bowls.

MSK-MASO - As the model name implies, this Cyborg loves masochism and it needs masochistic pleasure in order to be operational. Many female interrogators and detainers who never had sex before tried sadistic pleasures on this one in order to keep it alive. However, the MSK-MASO dies of "lack of painful pleasures." This Cyborg was actually used to test women of "sadistic sex drive" in order to supply Mas Selamat with enough sexual desires of "painful pleasures". Before MSK-MASO dies, his final words were "You are too fat and ugly."

MSK-MOB - Before Mas Selamat became a gaymate to Osama bin Laden, he produced a prototype and gave it to the Ministry of Gaypower Manpower in Singapore. This Cyborg prototype was not used as the able-bodied men of Singapore Armed Forces were very good at their military skills of Eye-power, Chao-Keng and No-Action-Talk-Only. Until the Ministry feels that these men were slacking off, MSK-MOB was activated to create numerous Mobilisations and Deployments to promote Counter-terrorism with a new skill called "Zo bo lan." It succeeded and Singaporeans were very impressed by their new-found skill. Singapore Blogs and Forums has been complaining about their boring skills since then, kids were thrilled by men standing on one place looking at grasses and trees for MSK-MOB. Well, the citizens are always impressed by their duties by complaining, complaining again and complaining non-stop even when Singapore gained INDEPENDANCE "DEPENDANCE-ON-GOVERNMENT" through blind paying them large amount of dollars and cents and PEANUTS too to improve on their stupidity. Therefore, MSK-MOB is our role model not only towards the military men, but also the citizens as well.

MSK-MJ - MJ stands for Micheal Jackson as all idiots know. Mas Selamat loves children, however, there were too many children to love and thus, MSK-MJ was made. It was at first named as MSK-PEDO, MSK-KIDNAPPER, MSK-RAPEKIDS, but he needs it to be a role model, so he use MSK-MJ. MSK-MJ was powered, rumored and anyhow said by the Singaporeans that one of the Cardboard Minister's children needs love and so, MSK-MJ, as role model, came in to help this poor piece of shit until it got itself into trouble when Idiocratic Singaporeans thought this kiddy crap was kidnapped by using their ultimate spell "Ear-to-ear Virus Attack" which is a channelling skill that costs 1 Mana Point per sec. As the population is close to four million including Indian chocolates, China pussies, and all other sorts of foreign whores slaves immigrants, this skill was a useful cheapskate as the skill actually costs 1/4,000,000 mana point per sec which needs 4,000,000 days to deplete 1 mana point since the INT of a Singaporean is about 0.00000025 even they think they are INT-based heroes. Because Mas Selamat's INT was Uber high, he cast a spell known as "Ugly Reporter" in Singapore to interrupt their channelling skill. The "Ugly Reporter" wrote one word on the newspaper The Straits Times, "BULLSHIT", and Singaporeans became silent and unable to cast any spell. Since then, MSK-MJ was scrapped after Micheal Jackson raped this cyborg.

edit Other Models

MSK models

The common Cyborg MSK models spotted so far

MSK-5TAR - Mas Selamat needs to be famous in the media, therefore, he made MSK-STAR to film the TV show on the "TOILET BREAK". For more misinformation, click UnNews:ToiletBreak: Sequel to PrisonBreak. Dominic Purcell is gonna get pissed of by this.

MSK-H.Potter - Somehow the magical powers Mas Selamat had belonged to that nerd's world. So, Mas Selamat needs model of a little variety.

MSK-P.Hilton - Mas Selamat failed to be famous in a scandal, so this model was scrapped.

MSK-J.Sparrows - Singapore is in need of pirates, this model was made to fund Mas Selamat for his Cyborg productions, he sells PS2 games, DVD movies and pornography. One of these models was spotted in Malaysia.

MSK-MIB - Not to be confused with MSK-MOB, this one was made for many purposes, some was to be filmed in Man In Black II to bomb more toilet bowls, some was to act as bodyguards due to the suit they are wearing to track down the Real Robo-Lee that controls all.

MSK-Osama - Mas Selamat still loves Osama Bin Laden for the first night, first time he cheated on his wife.

MSK-Afro - Mas Selamat has still got no idea why he made this models.

MSK-PCK - Another role model which he also had no idea why he made it, but most people think these were made to take over Gurmit Singh's show since he is such an arsehole for saying "Don't play play" for no apparent reasons.

MSK-1ee - Mas Selamat has tons of this, one of these models has killed one of Robo-Lee's clone. There may be a war.

MSK-Saddam - This is the rare MSK version of SADDAM HUSSEIN (with the ugly mustache). Just like Hussein, this model is greedy for OIL AND PETROL AND FEEDS ON IT. He is known to be hiding in the Middle-east..feeding on oil..

edit Failed Models

MSK-Emo - This model was a failure, Mas Selamat was so emo that he used a knife to scratch its left limb and forearms til it bled. It was made to get caught by the police in order to keep the real Mas Selamat from being traced. The reason of being the failed model is that it was as emo as its owner himself. Abandoned by its owner, MSK-Emo felt sad that he ran away... by TAKING A BUS. The bus driver saw him as a poor piece of crap and sympathized him but giving MSK-Emo a free Ride to Lenton Avenue (somewhere on the red dot on earth). It even say "thank you" to the bus driver before alighting. The bus driver was so affected by its emo being that he himself become one emo crap too til he told the slaved-oriented police about the whole emo story. However, SPF aka Sadistic Penis Fockers Singapore Police Force hates emos, they thought the bus driver tried to disguise himself as a fake bounty hunter for MSK-Emo as SPF are money eating dogs who do not allow others to take the bounty. The bus driver was abducted in the middle of the night. Under the "being emo" act, Penal Code 33, section 69, Emos will be charged for Voluntarily Being Emo and faced less than 4 years of toilet break, being a toilet attendant and very likely more than 10 years of painful gay sex with whips spanking. MSK-Emo disappeared as an emo ever since then.

edit Also Can See

edit Notes

  1. Alongside criminals such as David Marshall and anyone who disagrees with the (Lee) Royal Family.
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