Mary Poppins

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Zordon Poppins

Mary Poppins in her true godly form.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Mary Poppins.

Mary Poppins is one`of the most beloved of all of Disney films. In the film, two children get a new nanny Time Lord named Mary Poppins, who takes them to the park and forces them to feed the birds, until Marry Poppins comes across Bert, who was once her lover (rapist) and a drug dealer. He is now a chimney sweep who goes into people's houses and steals money. Mary and Bert kidnap the children into an animated world. Mary and Bert get off track and go on a romantic date, where they ended up raping small children to show their love for each other. They all end up going on a carousel and trample on some of the animals. The living animals get mad and revolt by sending nuclear missiles at Bert, however Mary throws Jane at the missile and it successfully deflects it. Little children are perfect for deflecting nuclear missiles. To escape death, Mary and the kids get back to normal England. The childern's abusive father makes them give their money to the bank. Instead, the kids gun everyone down with a sniper rifle. At the end, to make it a Disney movie, everyone flies a kyke and everyone is happy as Mary leaves and then we see the token black guy, Bojangles. He sings and dances for everyone with a big 'ole smile on his face. After he is done dancing, Mr. Banks whips him and changes his name to toby, therefore leading into the sequel of Mary Poppins, Roots.

edit Cast

It was said Walt Disney wanted Julie Andrews to star in the film after seeing her portrayal of a wet nurse in a 1950's Pornographic film. She agreed to do the film because the money would pay her rent. No one knows why Disney cast Paris Hilton to play Jane, but it is suspected he may have been able to see into the future and enjoyed another futuristic pornographic moving picture he witnessed her in from 2004... either that or he was a kiddy fiddler? Dick Van Dyke was cast because Walt Disney found his name hysterical. The rest of the cast where picked out of a hat that Walt had sewn into the rear end of a Mickey Mouse costume that he did ventriloquist party tricks with. Walt was a weird guy.

edit Rated "R"?

When Disney presented the finished film to the MPAA, they gave it an "R-rating" because of Mary Poppins constant swearing and the scene where Katie Nana has a sex scene with an animated penguin. Disney had to cut the scene because it was too long (35 minutes), and the swearing was cut down by 15%. George Lucas was wondering why Disney was "messin' with his vision" and told Disney to shove this film up his ass with a fire cracker... which is apparently how the term "Poppins" came into play for the main characters name.

edit Marry Poppins II

Saw (Mary Poppins)

Since 2003 there has been a rumor that has been leaked on a legitimate Anglefire website that Marry Poppins II is in the works. speculation is expecting the film to be released in the summer of 2020. The film will be directed by Robert Rodriguez, who directed such classics as the Spy Kids films, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl, and some other shit. Julie Andrews is expected to return as Mary, Dick Van Dyke will return as Bert if he isn't pushing up daises by then, and since Chris Farley died, Michael is expected to be played by Owen Wilson. Disney reported the film will be about Mary Poppins returning and taking the Banks kids to an amusement park haunted by death around every corner. Some claim the film sounds like Final Destination 3. Disney said, "It's nothing like FD3, it's more like Michael Jackson looking for love at the Never-land ranch!"

One thing's for sure is that it's going to be a big hit.

edit Mary Can Do No Wrong

Much like the worlds Catholic community denying most sworn in priests and bishops are toddler gobblers, Mary Poppins influence on society has also dodged the bullet by being recognized as a family friendly classic film that can do no wrong. Far be it that from the truth however. Parents and guardians turn a blind eye to the fact that there is not a single black actor in the entire production, making this an obvious typical racist film from the imagination of Walt Disney, but even worse is that this film has caused over one hundred and twenty seven thousand deaths of children under the age of 12 trying to jump off garage roofs holding umbrellas in the attempt to fly like their beloved super nanny.

Many have debated the topic claiming that if an umbrella really could make you fly, then you should try taking off from the ground first, therefor good riddance to the retardation of social intelligence of teenagers that would ensue had the children remained alive and grown up to be contributing members of society. However the debating sides respond with valid points in their retaliation that not enough of them are attempting such influences from films and are actually currently in government power.

edit See also

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