From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
- You may be looking for Ultimate Marvel Comics and not even know it! That's because you're just not geeky enough.
Marvel Comics, otherwise known as "Jack Kirby's Dreamland" or "Mean Stan Lee's Money Machine" is a comic book company that mainly publishes books about the X-Men, a soap opera about people who can shoot laser beams from their eyes - one that makes absolutely no sense.
Marvel also occasionally publishes other titles such as Spider-Man, based on the 2007 film Spider-Man 3 about a tap dancing emo kid who can fly. As one of the top two comic book publishers in the US, its books are read by literally tens of rapidly aging fans who regress further back into the womb every other week thanks to the top secret Super Fan serum created by Captain Capitalism.
Within the Marvel continuity, there are endless alternate universe scenarios, and so many super-beings, that one's head would asplode if they even tried to comprehend a fraction of the information. Additionally, most of the stuff that happens during the course of the trillions of issues, is totally random-ass crap that doesn't make any sense, unless you have purchased and read EVERY SINGLE ISSUE of that series, and of at least 5 other Marvel series that share the same title.
Marvel comics is most commonly known as "the not DC-comics." It was first founded in 1894. It went bankrupt in 1909. After its shares were bought over by Nameless Ent, it was named Nameless Comics. However, it went bankrupt again in 1950. Its shares were then bought over by Aimless Ent, causing it to be renamed Aimless Comics. In 1989, it once again went broke. Its shares were bought over and it was renamed Fameless Comics. For several months, it was owned by Jesus, as a dare. In 1999, Mr. Mar Vell mass purchased the company shares, resulting in him domineering the company. It was then renamed Marvel Comics after Mar Vell. Since then, movies such as Scorpion-Man, Z-Men, Punch, Fear-Angel, Angel Rider, Bulk, Beelektra have been filmed.
On August 31, 2009 Marvel was bought by Mickey Mouse for a grand total of $10,000.38. Stan Lee also offered his soul as part of the deal. Following the buy, Mouse ordered the termination of several Big time Marvel members including Spider Man and Iron Man. Other Marvel Stars killed included Wolverien who was discovered dead in his new Danger Room. Hulk, Thor, and the Fantastic Four were all killed by Boba Fett who was hired by mouse to eliminate the hard to reach targets.
Immediately after the deaths of the Marvel Superheroes, the surviving family of Jesus Christ himself (aka Jack Kirby) sued Marvel and Disney for copyright termination and unpaid profits. The Christ family claimed 30 years of offensively awful comics, movies and merchandising published after Jesus left the company as the reason for its lawsuit.
edit Current titles
Marvel Comics currently publishes several dozen "X-books," or books about the X-Men! The large number of X-books is justified, because it takes 5 to 6 issues for anything to happen! This is called "writing for trade!"
Sometimes they have accidentally printed other comics. 'Power Pack', which features two neglectful parents, 'Fantastic Four' which features two neglectful parents, 'Daredevil' which is so boring people have actually thrown up from boredom, 'Ghost Rider', which they try and make boring and 'Marvel Swimsuit Specials' which features the female characters in bikinis. And some of the guys in brief swimsuits. Not bikinis.
edit In Short
Marvel is the greatest comic book company. They also create many awe-inspiring movies, amid the crappy ones. Marvel comics IS practically Stan Lee; the other guys are like unknown. Even the Creator isn't more famous the Stan Lee.
In addition, they happen to have a large library of monthly titles. Which they will release again. In six months. With Ultimate in the front.
|Superheroes and heroines||Captain Planet - The Amazing Fiber-Man - Spider-Woman - Mary Jane - The Incredible Hunk-Iron Man - The Scarlet Spider - Daredevil - Dr. Strange - The Punisher - Ghost Rider - Deadpool - Igloo - The other Captain Marvel - Stan Lee|
|Supervillains||Blackheart - Dr. Doom - Electro - Galactus - Green Goblin - Juggernaut - Mecha-Dracula - Rob Liefeld - Batroc - Kool-Aid Man - Loki - The Hobgoblin - Fred Phelps - Blackout the Vampire - Venom - Dr. Octopus - Spider-Man's Rogue's Gallery - The Creature|
|X-Men||Professor X - Apocyclopse - Gene Grey - Beast - Wolverine - Bishop - Cable the Larry Guy|
|Salacious Six||The Wang - Sabertooth|
|Other teams||The Inhumans - The Revengers - The Fantastic Four|