Martin McGuinness

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Redirected from Martin mcguinness)
Jump to: navigation, search
Martin McGuinness4

"These faggot kids are always after me Lucky Charms!"

“Fecker.”
~ Martin McGuinness on Crack

James Martin Pacelli McGuinness (Irish: Testicles; born Derry, 23 May 1950) is an Irish Sinn Féin politician and the current deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland.

McGuinness came to prominence following his marriage to Ian Paisley. At first Martin found it difficult to cope under the intense media glare that surrounded him as the spouse of Peter Robinson, but he later used it to promote his interests, which included: hair curling; acting like a gay man, and looking at people (Illegal Drug addicted Mexicans) going on trips to the USA for free.

edit Biography

610x

"McGuiness! Spare me! No! Don't kneecap-argh!"~one of McGuiness' many innocent victims.

Martin began life as a prostitute who was on heroin in 1888, when he tried to get laid in County Meath, Ireland. During the late 1800's there was a great deal of discrimination against sueing Prostitutes and aliens. He travelled to Belfast to visit infamous banshee Lady GaGa, who told him he needed to acquire (gay) magic powers and this could be done by wearing her lucky charms. Which were moldy as hell. She was only willing to let Martin wear the charms if he married her and moved to Dublin, where she wished to pursue a career as a traffic light. Why? Because she was sick of getting arrested for being a prostitude for cying out loud! Being a complete quer, Martin was repulsed by the Banshee but desperate for the lucky charms so he beat her unconscious with his leprechaun pipe and stole them.

With his new lease of life as a human Martin embarked on various unsuccessful ventures until he invented hair curlers and became very rich, and the original Justin Beiber. You know, gay as hell? In 1977 while testing his new bombs at a conference in New York, Martin met the most famous policeman and British secret agent Spongebob Squarepants. The two immediately faught untill the policeman had put him in handcuffs and arrested him for terrorism.

Bouncywikilogo3
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Martin McGuinness.

Martin can often be seen these days out and about attempting to stalk people like the creep he is. He has also had his picture taken with several famous terrorists, including George Bush and Justin Bieber.

Personal tools
projects