Martin Luther King Jr.
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“I had a dream... I WAS FLYING!!!”
~ Martin Luther Kennedy King Jr. on Smoking the green herb
“Martin Luther king is a racist black bastard ”
~ Mark Luther White Jr. on racism
“I don't often say this, but I would have done him”
~ Oscar Wilde on guys I would do
Dr. Martin Luther Kennedy King Jr. (1929-hero worship), an Italian/Hungarian American, was famous for his sleeping, his sexual attraction to lazers, and his confusing public affiliation with both the "The Prisoner" television series and "Jerry's Kids."
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[edit] Early Life
King grew up in a poorer section of Beverly Hills, California. Shunned by the other children, and left home alone more often than not, the young King had nowhere to turn but to a busy and splendid fantasy life. Predating the Youporn web site by many decades, King took pleasure in filming the sexual acts of girls he would find on the street, and "uploading" these films into the under-the-counter section maintained by many local merchants. King, known at the time as the "King of Porn" (although he was not yet in his teens), soon made enough money to move to the city that he always dreamed of living in, Philadelphia, Pennslvania.
[edit] The Philadelphia Story and past deeds
Gaining the nickname "Doctor" because of his ability to cure headaches by staring at fish, Dr. King went to work as a pole dancer at the tender age of 22. Dancing for almost two decades, and finally saving enough money to buy the club where he worked--the now National Landmark Site "Southern Cathouse Legacy Club" (SCLC)--in 1967 Dr. King suddenly left his life-long career and founded a Branch of the Discordian faith.
Among his many hobbies King, who had broken the world pole-vault record in 1955, was a prolific graffiti artist. When he famously tagged the Wittenberg Castle Church this impressed so many people that similar tags began appearing in Scandinavia, Switzerland and France.
[edit] The "I had an Italian sausage" speech
One of Dr. King's greatest accomplishments was his famous "I had an Italian sausage" speech, delivered to the U.S. Congress during America's entry into World War II. "I left it in the fridge," he said, "and when I came back the next morning some brother had eaten it". It was a complex and well-timed message that advanced the cause of refrigerator security systems more than ever-before or since.
[edit] Tragedy
Tragedy struck King's life when his brothers John Fitzgerald Kennedy King and Bobby Kennedy King were killed (O, the good, they die young) by the families' close friend and business associate, Walt Disney. Despite Ted Kennedy King's (DEAD-Mass.)]] ardent pleas that he flee the country, King decided to remain, for his job cooking at a Naples, Florida, Waffle House, and preaching on his off days about peace and economic and racial equality for all Italian/Hungarian Americans, was not yet done.
King went on to become the founder of Sega and the original inventor of the video game Sonic the Hedgehog, an event still known as "The shot heard around the world."
[edit] Fight to Banish Mondays
Dr. King worked hard to rid the world of the evil which is Monday. In his late-middle age he could be seen rallying protesters who also hated waking up early on Mondays mornings, and King actully organized a March on Washington in 1983 to publicize the issue.
Although Mondays still exist, Dr. King somehow managed to eliminated the third Monday in January entirely.
Thousands of anti-Monday groups (such as The Bangles and Scientology) still endorse his activism.
[edit] Death
Dr. King tripped and fell on a Motel balcony in Memphis, Tennessee, in 1989. He died from an infection he caught from the motel's sheets, and not from the fall.
The evening before his accident he had given his now famous "I've Been to the Big Rock Candy Mountaintop" speech at an anti-Monday rally) in Memphis, telling the crowd at this event that he "may not get there with you", meaning the option of staying home on Mondays and laying around.
King's heirs sued the Motel, won the lawsuit, and now his three remaining children bicker about who will have the biggest share when they sell the establishment.
[edit] Name Confusion
Dr. King is often confused with:
- Martin Luther, the founder of something to do with religion
- Martin Luther King, Martin Luther King Jr.'s Daddy
- Dr. Pepper
- Luther Jons, Circus Sideshow performer and Congressman from Rhode Island.
- Lex Luthor, Superman's best friend and next of kin.
- Martin Luthor, who ceased to exist after Crisis on Infinite Earths and used a similar name
- Malcolm X
- Apollo Creed
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