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“Martin Clun, Martin Clun, ying ding ding ding Martin Clun.......Ohwioehjaiowehjaoehjaw”
“(*a deep breath out*)”
Martin Clunes CBE (born 1961) is an extradoinary visionaire, film maker, multi millionaire and genuinley a man behaving badly. Best known for his roles in the Churchill advert and the Star Wars musical, and less so for him being Doc Martin, pioneer of skinhead boots, and Gary from Men Behaving Badly. He became president of the South East in 1997 following a 64% vote margin battle against Tony Blair. His soundtrack song being D:Ream's "Things Can Only Get Bad", an absolutely hilarious pun on Men Behaving Badly. His left foot was voted UK's strangest foot in Heat Magazine in July 2009. The Queen put him in the Order of the British Empire in 2011.
edit Early life
Martin Clunes was born in 1961 to a scrummy South West London council flat. His supposed father, 'Potato Head', as he was affectionally known by locals (he wasn't actually his father, just his neighbour, who looked after him whilst his dad was writing classical genius) owned a Walkers van and generally kept it parked in akward positions in the middle of the road. This caused problems with his neighbours who said that there were blocking the road. This came to an akward turn of events when the bin men came on 14 July 1964 to collect his Walkers van but their lifter could not lift the walkers, instead, baby Martin Clunes, who was residing in the back of the van, was lifted up into the bin lorry with 17 packets of cheese and onion. From this, he gained his nick name 'Cheese Head'. His real father was a great classical composer, so perhaps behaving badly drinking beer is a step down from his family's way.
Suddenly, he was posh, and went to a private school, and played chequers, daddy, chequers, and played wugby for the Great London University Waagby Team, and was privately educated, and went to the observatree of Granwhich, and made visits to Barth, and played waaagby on the astroturrrf graaaars. Posh wanker.
He went to the Mercury Theatre which gave a big kick to the balls for his career. He appeared in the Doctor Who 1983 serial Snakedance, playing 'Lon'. Jesus he was young at the time! In fact, in 1994, when the Catchphrase "classic TV moment" Snake Charmer was aired, Clunes, who was behaving badly at the time, said that they had ripped the classic moment off Snakedance.
He was in the sitcoms All at No.20 and No Place Like Home, which everyone remembers......... Nope, me neither.
edit The debut encounter with Harry Enfield
When being posh and bad at the same time (much like Martin Clunes), he encountered the nutter himself Harry Enfield, who was fresh n' straight off the bat of a nut commercial. This lead to a bromance where he later played a waaagby player in Harry Enfield's Television Show (which he agreed to do due to his posh roots.) A wild Wagbo appeared which made the two change their game.
Then...His Badness Sunk In.
edit Men Behaving Bardly and the end of the bromance with Harry Enfield
Enfield enlisted Clunes to appear a brand new bard sitcom for ITV1, Men Behaving Badly (or Barrrdly). They emphasised their bromance by playing two porn-lovin' pizza-eatin' football hooligans.
After series 2, Men Behaving Baaardly was failing, on ITV. Harry Enfield had enough of being bad and left the show, thus ending his much publicised bromance with Martin Clunes. THEN! BBC One decided that Baaardly was just too hot to put down. Martin Clunes was recovering from the end of the friendship in a recitment clinic when BBC One gave him a call (or caaarll). He literally said "WHEEEEE!" and jumped up in the air and rainbows and bunnies and elfs happened. They were looking for a new best friend for Martin Clunes (or 'Gary' as is his pseudonym on the show), much like the manager of a boyband would. Then, future Bob the Builder himself Neil Morrisey voulenteered to be his friend. Neil Morrrrisey was too posh. This translated well on screen, as despite their baaaarrrd habbits, they were just too posh to hate (that is, if you were posh.) It was a way of communicating and finding common ground with the working class. It proved a huge success.
In 1995, Neil Morrisey decided to make his priorty Morph (like the Tango Doll.) Martin Clunes decided to befriend Gary Lineker in this time to make Morrisey jealous, appearing on An Evening with Gary Lineker. However, their friendship ended when Lineker left Clunes for Walkers Crisps advertising (ironically, which was what Martin Clunes' fake dad/neighbour did.)
edit End of Men Behaving Bardly and the end of the bromance with Neil Morrisey
Men Behaving Barrdly was a huge success and Clunes won a BAFTA (Bad Award For THE Actor) for his role as Gary in the series in 1996, the year football 'came home' which was the centerpiece for Gary at the time. However, it was decided that the Men Behaving Brdly had to die so in 1997-1998, it was written off of BBC One. Martin Clunes was really tired of TV ending his friendships. He and Morrisey parted ways, because he was no longer a Charming Man! (boooo). OK, he and Neil Morrisey parted ways because Morrisey desired to be a builder, but a celebrity TV builder. Martin didn't follow his idea and their friendship ended right there. Martin instead decided he wanted to be a dog (a reference to his nickname) but a celebrity TV dog. The fierce feud saw neither of them get very good spots to be their desires. Martin became Kipper the Dog, a kids show. Neil became Bob the Builder, a kids show.
edit Doc Martin
Martin Clunes' career suddenly became a box office failure and left BBC to join ITV....again (who left him shoddy in 1992.) Inspired by his skinhead roots, he decided to start wearing Doc Martin boots (inspired by his hero Alexei Sayle, at least, that's who he said his hero was to the press.) He approached ITV1 to make a doc series (short for 'documentary series') about boots. They knew he had potential. They turned him into TV detective 'Doc Martin'. He wasn't to complain as his career saw an all time high.
Today, Martin Clunes is probably best known because Matt Lucas and David Walliams wrote a song about him for their TV series Come Fly with Me, where they portrayed two huge Japanese fans of him. Emphasising his "asdjkasdjasdjakl" catchphrase, they took it to TV in 2010. Martin Clunes was deeply offended by the scene.
Much like Axl Rose, Eminem, Jay-Z and 2Pac, Martin Clunes has had many fierce rivarlies with other people in the business.
edit Harry Enfield
His former best friend became his fierce rival in 1992 when Harry Enfield stopped being a man behaving badly due to ITV deciding they weren't worth it. His friendship with Neil Morrisey was intended to make Harry jealous. In 1994, Harry Enfield launched his rival TV show Harry Enfield's Television Programme which took many knocks at Martin, including a sketch where one man in the 50s watches the TV show Men Behaving Baghdadly (this is seriously the truth.) In turn, Martin Clunes made BBC write many knocks at Harry in Men Behaving Barrrdly, including many offensive impersonations. Oooh, fierce!
edit Neil Morrisey
His former best friend became his fierce rival in 1997 when Neil Morrisey decided to take a different route following the end of Men Behaving Barrrdly, as aformentioned he wanted to be a TV builder (he was Bob the Builder), which made Martin decide he wanted to be a TV dog. Because of his immense popularity, Martin got the job as 'Kipper the Dog' in 1997, whilst no TV studio hired Neil Morrisey until 2000. Despite this, Bob the Builder became much more popular than Kipper the Dog, even scoring two UK number one singles (including the Christmas number one "Can We Fix It?"). They openly spoke against each other and each other's shows and this often made the news.
edit Gary Lineker
His former best friend became his fierce rival in 1995 when Gary Lineker decided to take on the roll of Martin Clunes' crispy neighbour by filming adverts in 1995. Martin Clunes said to BBC that "that poor bastard decided to film ads for crisps. What a sell out! I've never liked anyone like that" and then laughed nervouisly.
Today, Martin Clunes is perhaps the most influential actor of all time, next to Ghandi of course, whose 1982 film was a real hit!