Martian Manhunter

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Marvin the martian

Martian Manhunter, shortly after being elected to the British Parliament.


Superman is on the back of cereal boxes and sodas, but Martian Manhunter can't even land Mars bars.

“My heart may have been on the other side, but that didn't mean he couldn't steal it.”
~ Mr. Spock Manhunter on his husband
“Get a haircut you hippy!”
~ Professor X on those damn kids

Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz), also known as Chuck Jones is a shape shifter and an extraterrestrial superhero that appears in comic books published by DC Comics. The character first appeared as an illegal alien who is hired by the Justice League of America when the organization began outsourcing off-world.

edit Origins

Like the Platypus Martians are mammals but lay eggs. Soon after hatching J'onn heard of the works of Oscar Wilde from John Carter, and would soon went after him on a silver surfboard given to him by the Mars Pathfinder: this marked the beginning of his homeless vagrancy across the solar system.

edit Life on Earth

On January 1947 J'onn was finally given his green card. J'onn was an instant overnight sensation with women because he was found wondering around with no pants on and could tell what they wanted. Just like his father Superman he saved the world from Lex Luthor, The Joker, Giant Puppies, and Madonna. He once dated Wonder Woman until he decided he didn't swing that way and became asexual and able to reproduce with himself, leaving the shape shifting prostitution to Plastic Man. After that he joined The Justice League, actually started wearing pants and took on a more Human-like appearance.

edit Villains

J'onn J'onzz was a green superhero in the 1950's, a time when a green man couldn't look at a human woman with his martian vision in some places DC comics were sold, much less lay a hand on them to catch them falling. Although as shape shifters physical appearance has little meaning, and as psychics they can feel one another's pain, Martians still managed to somehow be racist as the white warred with green. Eventually the white martians with the help of Martian Manhunter snitch brother Ma'alefa'ak, invented a fatal martian burning plague that killed most everyone he knew by the early 90's.

In 1998 NASA DC nerds finally blew the layer of martian dust that had accumulated over the years off their unopened copies of Martian Manhunter and realized he didn't really have any villains they could name off hook hand like Black Manta and Ocean Master; A-Mortal and the Hyperclan sound like a bad metalband.

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Martian Manhunter.

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