Martian Manhunter

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Marvin the martian

Martian Manhunter, shortly after being elected to the British Parliament.

Mars-Almond-split

Superman is on the back of cereal boxes and sodas, but Martian Manhunter can't even land Mars bars.

“My heart may have been on the other side, but that didn't mean he couldn't steal it.”
~ Mr. Spock Manhunter on his husband
“Get a haircut you hippy!”
~ Professor X on those damn kids

Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz), also known as Chuck Jones is a shape shifter and an extraterrestrial superhero that appears in comic books published by DC Comics. The character first appeared as an illegal alien who is hired by the Justice League of America when the organization began outsourcing off-world.

edit Biology

Like the Platypus, Martians are mammals but lay eggs. Mars and Krypton may be light years apart but both can see through walls and have a fatal weakness, in the Kryptonians case, rare meteors from the destruction of their homeworld, and in the Martians, an angry protestor with a lighter and an alcohol soaked rag in a bottle. Like an earth ghost, the Martians can fly through solid walls, they can also turn into animals, but not a car as Plastic Man can, and if Martian Manhunter turns into a squid unlike Beast Boy it won't have any ink. Martians also noticeably can't turn into a bucket of water, making Metamorpho and the Wonder Twins the ones the Star City fire department keep on speed dial.

edit Origins

Soon after hatching J'onn heard of the works of Oscar Wilde from John Carter, and soon went after him on a silver surfboard made out of the Mars Pathfinder, bestowed to him by the great face on mars as part of his journey into adulthood, the ancient Martian rite of passage known as homeless vagrancy around the solar system.

After returning home from vacation, J’onn discovered that in his absence his people had frozen to death, though highly technologically advanced they were unwilling to invent fire and like the Thanagarians were averse to putting on shirts so their cold green blood froze during a particularly harsh winter beneath their red straps. Thus for J'onzz', homeless vagrancy across the solar system would never end. So, he hitched a ride from a scientist back to earth on a teleportation beam and began life as an illegal immigrant in the big city.

edit Life on Earth

On January 1947 J'onn was finally given his green card and no longer had to fear deportation from NASA. J'onn was an instant overnight sensation with the ladies, because he was found wandering around with no pants on and could tell what they wanted in a relationship. Just like his fellow extra terrestrial migrant Superman, he saved the world from Lex Luthor, The Joker, Giant Puppies, and Madonna. He once dated Wonder Woman until he decided he didn't swing that way and became capable of asexual reproduction, deciding to leave the shape shifting prostitution to Plastic Man. After that he joined The Justice League, actually started wearing pants and took on a more Human-like appearance.

edit Villains

J'onn J'onzz was a green superhero in the 1950's, a time when a green man couldn't look at a human woman with his martian vision in some places DC comics were sold, much less lay a hand on them to catch them falling out a window. Although as shape shifters physical appearance has little meaning, and as psychics they can feel one another's pain, Martians still managed to somehow be racist to one another, as the war like white martians warred with the peaceful green martians, like Athens and Sparta but on Ares home turf of Mars. Eventually the white martians with the help of Martian Manhunter's back stabbing brother Ma'alefa'ak, invented a fatal martian burning plague that killed most everyone he knew by the early 90's.

In 1998 DC’s writers finally blew the layer of martian dust that had accumulated over the years off their unopened copies of Martian Manhunter and realized he didn't really have any villains they could name off hook hand like Black Manta, so they gave him an evil sibling like Ocean Master. A-Mortal and the Hyperclan sound like a bad metal band more than aliens whose names are coincidentally in English.

edit Television

Martian Manhunter has recently been seen in the tabloids with his niece M'gann M'orzz's best friend Supergirl, leading to a bit of a fallout between Martian Manhunter and Superman, the man of steel having J’onn and Kara blacklisted from appearing in the DC Extended Universe and banished to the phantom zone of T.V., with the rest of the 2nd tier super heroes that can't be trusted to headline their own multi million dollar motion picture.

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