From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Marion Mitchell Morrison (May 26, 1907 – June 11, 1979), better known by his stage name John Wayne, was an American film actor, director and randy cowpoke.
Long about aught six Ol' Paw Wayne and his little woman done have a boy. They went ahead, named him John, after his grand pappy, Billy Joe. They gone & raised the lad out on the ol' Williams Ranch, down about Abeline. Well young John wasn't no taller than the knees on a grasshopper's nephew when he was raidin and ropin' and carryin' his own weight around the ranch. His paw was mighty proud, but he don't never tell him so. That wouldn'ta been raght!
edit Lonely Cowpoke
Raght 'bout tha time young John was fixin' ta take over the ranch from his paw, his paw done up an' dyin on him. Trouble was, the bank was fixin' ta foreclose tha ranch on accounta his paw bein' broke. Well, John, he done got up in his Sunday best and rode on inta town. He done strode on inta the First Western Bank of Abeliene and had a little talkin' to with the banker 'round those parts, ol' man Winters.
Now, Ol Man Winters, he didn't take kindly to none o' that smartin-off youngster talk. It wadn't more than a minute b'fore our boy John Wayne were out on his hind quarters. Winters done took that ranch, the hunderd head o' cattle, and John were out on his own.
edit Ridin' the Range
Yup. He done did that there thing, he shore did. Left that flea-bittin two-bit one-horse town and moved to Beverly. Hills that is. Swimming pools, movie stars.
edit Got Hisself in da Movin' Pitchures
Now, raght nix ta them thar Beverlee Hills is a town calla Hollywood. That's whar they make dem moovin' pitchures. Good ol' John Wayne, he were rustlin' up some vittles one day by tha Gower Gulch an this lil' guy pokes 'im on the arm. Now, John, he near 'bout knock 'im clear ta Wyomin'. Then tha thar COWBOY BUTT SEX lil' guy, he ask'd John if he wanna be in a movin' pitchur. John, he ask whud it pay? And tha guy, he done said about a dolla a day. John figgur'd be better'n ropin' cattle fer a spell, so he up 'n gave't 'is bes' shot.
An' he weren't to bad at it none.
edit Rahdin' inta thu Sunset
Good ol John Wayne was luved by just uhbout ev'ry cowpoke and filly that he done meet. An' thas no lie.
I gess tha ol' moral of this here story is...well...finish your vegetables. Thas right! And list'n to yor ma, she knows whats good fer ya! That there spinach, it's raght good fer ya, jes eat it raght up.
Well, thas all tha tahm we gots for this little story. You take care uh yerself - ye hear?
|Bruce Campbell - Bruce Lee - Charles Bronson - Chow Yun-Fat - Clint Eastwood - Jack Dempsey - Dirty Harry - Dolemite - Jackie Chan - Mohandas Gandhi - James Bevel - Martin Luther King, Jr. - Tony Jaa - Jet Li - Shaft - Red Forman - Samuel L. Jackson - Ving Rhames - Tails the Straight - Mike Tyson - John Wayne - Mr. T - Chuck Norris - the Notorious B.I.G. - Jabba the Hutt - Juggernaut - Rambo - Charlton Heston|