Marilyn Manson
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“Deja vu all over again.”
~ Marilyn Monroe on Marilyn Manson
“I tap that all night long.”
~ Marilyn Manson on Himself
Marilyn Manson (AKA Merlin Manzin, Monkey Insults, Marylin Manson, Marilyn Mayonnaise, Charlie White, and Him With The Wacky Eye), born on Christmas Day 2AD, is a well-known musician, artist, actor, film director and anything else he decides to be on a whim.
He is also known as the most devil worshipping man in Hollywood. This doesn't mean he doesn't have have a soft side. Manson enjoys hamburgers while getting caught in the rain.
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[edit] Early Life
Born and raised by Barb-wire-ara Warner, Manson was raised in a monastery by a group of Catholic priests. Although those who knew him during childhood describe his upbringing as 'idyllic and privileged', Manson has hinted at exposure to violent, intense homosexual behaviour mainly because he didn't get the toy he wanted for Christmas when he was 4.
At the age of 12, Manson was asked to leave the monastery following a series of incidents including the kidnapping and rape of a nunhe didn't just rape a nun he wacked a preist off aswell, the inversion of every crucifix in the monastery, the illegal distribution of drugs and candy and the pilfering of Christmas cookies from the kitchen. SANTA WAS PISSED!
[edit] Education
Following his expulsion from the monastery in Ohio, Manson was enrolled in a public school in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Although initially pleased to leave behind the 'stupid head religious doo doo brains', Manson soon found his new classmates to be not accepting of his mode of dress - a rebellious ripped cassock - and profane Gregorian chants. This served to further his hatred of religion and people in general, and Manson used his time in class to hatch elaborate plans for revenge (it would not be until 20 years later that the concept of shooting one's classmates for vague revenge would emerge).
Manson left school with no qualifications except the lowest one of all: the qualifications of a rock and roll journalist. Which the professor whom he was assigned thought it would be funny to give him the wrong material to study. Thus, making him into what he is today.
[edit] Career
[edit] Early Career
Prior to and during the formation of the band, Manson had a job as journalist interviewing musicians for a small college newspaper. He is described as having shown great promise, 'would he not scrap the interview and start talking about himself halfway through the article. '
A point of interest is that a lot of Manson's success since has been alleged to be down to help given by the newspaper's editor. However, the only person to allege this is the editor herself, and it is widely regarded as bullshit.
[edit] Musical Career
[edit] Marilyn Manson and The Spooky Kids
The initial incarnation of what would be 'Marilyn Manson' involved a group of 5 college students and unemployed stoners: Marilyn Manson, Brian Bunting, Ned Schneeblee, Quentin Winbuck and Malcolm Flynn. At this early stage, none of the band could play an instrument, so they resorted to wild onstage antics including sex with blow-up dolls, masturbating and throwing poultry/puppies and drugs in the crowd.
The band's name was quickly changed from 'Marilyn Manson And The Spooky Kids' to just 'Marilyn Manson'. He also forced the bassist to change his name to Twiggy Ramirez.
[edit] Marilyn Manson
With Manson pacified and sullenly sucking on a lollipop, the band could now focus on honing their sound of playing an Em chord for 40 measures and releasing their first studio album, 'Portrait Of An American Family'. Manson's influences can be strongly heard on the album, which include 'Scooby Doo' and ' Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory'. However, the band would not gain great popularity until 2 years later.
Around this time, jizz the satisfaction from 'Portrait' and the subsequent blot-on-the-landscape 'Smells Like Children' was beginning to wear off, and Manson sunk into deep depression. Manson also attributes his self-harm and general gloominess to a series of personal misfortunes, including not being able to paint his living room the colour he wanted and being attacked for stealing a bandmate's whisky. Out of this dark period came an equally dark, hateful and oh-so-provocative album, the band's popularity began to rise. The album title, 'Antichrist Superstar', unsurprisingly attracted the attention of would-be Christian protesters, although most of the band's controversy was generated by Manson's 'horrifyingly satanic' dicky contact lens.
Following 'Antichrist Superstar', Manson donned an androgynous green alien get-up for the album 'Mechanical Animals'. Initially dismissed by hardcore fans as being 'pussy-ass gentle shit', 'Mechanical Animals' is now widely regarded by fans as being 'the best album ever ever EVER so emotional and sublime and oh my God look at his ass in that catsuit!'
Subsequently released to slowly waning popularity were 'Holywood', 'The Golden Age Of Grotesque' and 'Eat it, Drink it, Snort it'. In 2009 he is going to release a new album, 'The High End of My Cock' which is rumoured to be a musical fucky self-biography about his cockhead(s).
[edit] Columbine High School Massacre
Marilyn Manson is also widely known to be the sole cause of the Columbine Massacre. In fact, he is the sole cause for all school shootings in the history of the American public school system if not all shootings, schools or any sort of violence related to (but not limited to): black people, abortion, rape, incest, bestiality, cotton candy, Harry Potter, ham, Mountain Dew, TVs, the 'Twilight' saga by Sarah Palin, nausea, dry-mouth, constipation, diarrhoea, vomiting, erectile dysgfunction, AIDS, super AIDS, SARS, SIDS, SIDA, gonnsyphaherpelies, EMO kids, Green Day, Angels and Airwaves, and Panic! At The Disco.
Manson reportedly recorded the album 'Holywood' in order to seduce young, popular teenagers to become outcasts and shoot up their school. And thus the Columbine Massacre was born. It is also well noted that Manson often references puppy eating in Hollywood while shooting up schools.
[edit] Trivia
Awww, trivia. WTF? Trivia sux. Aw hell:
- In the winter of 1483, robbers broke into the ancient Egyptian pyramid of the Sun God Ra to find Manson mummified inside a 4 foot thick sarcophagus with various warning inscriptions and protective spells on the lid. One of the more educated robbers unwittingly read these aloud and realeased one of the plagues of Egypt again. Filmmakers kapt this under wraps so they could later rip off the story. Dam cunts.
- In 1998, Manson was found roaming a back alley in Akron Ohio, ass naked and covered in peanut butter. When confronted by by a local police officer, Manson responded by doing the YMCA with his legs, then got down and started break dancing, all the while shouting "SHAMU, SHAMU", before quickly disappearing into the night.
- In 2000, Manson was arrested for climbing onto a security guard, demanding a piggyback ride around the building and then forcing his genitalia up the guard's nose. The charges were later dropped when semen stains indicating enjoyment were found in the security guard's underpants.
- In 2002, Manson dressed as a woman with sagging breasts and shoplifted a carton of Virginia Light cigarettes from a small convenience store. Manson was made to pay for the cigarettes and was given a 2-week ban from the store.
- Manson is in the Guinness Book Of World Records for the longest incoherent answer ever given to an interview question. When asked by fansite The Heiro-cunt what he'd been up to since 2001, he responded with a bewildering 1985-word answer involving but not limited to his desire to 'live in a world that doesn't really exist'.
- In August of 2043, Manson was seen butt raping a McDonalds sign near your mom's house, all the while dressed in a Florida Gators mascot suit carrying an Olympic torch, when again confronted and questioned by authorities, he replied in an Italian accent "Aleister Crowley in my Cornholllllllllle!!!!!!!!!!!!111!1!1", and escaped the officers clutches running headfirst into the McDonalds and going to Hell, where he then died. Jesus cried out to the heavens, "NOOO!!! YOU IS MAH BRUDDAH!" before shooting Gerard Way in the penis and then himself.
- Marilyn Manson was convicted in 2005 of conspiracy to breed kittens for the express purpose of huffing them, and of advertising the pleasures of a foot-job (the case remains open, as all the kittens that were the only evidence went mysteriously missing, presumed huffed).
- Marilyn the wizzard Manson's real name's brian.did you mantion that brian is a placebo gay?
- I got him a ferret for his last birthday, but it died. *sniff* *sniff* Rest in piece, Freddie Prinze Jr. IV. I named the ferret, by the way. He wanted to name it "Ronald McGoddamn Donald". Fucking weirdo. He's lucky he's good at *CENSORED FOR PURE SEXUAL FREAKINESS* or I wouldn't put up with him. YOU know what I'm talking about.
- In April 2009, Marilyn Manson "rescued" a bucket of kittens, But insted of saving them, the shaved them clean of their cute, fluffy fur and brought them to a local KFC where they were deep-fried in the colonel's special herbs and spices, only to be eaten by Manson's horde of crow-like children. He still has not been caught for questioning, but is said to be going through a reverse Michael Jackson, God rest his soul.
- DID I MENTION THAT Marilyn the wizzard Manson's real name's brian.did you mantion that brian is a placebo gay?
- His older brother was hitler.
- THE EVIL BASTARD KILLED Michael Jackson, !
[edit] See also
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